Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Tenesmus

What would you do when you’ve ran out of pornographic materials to drool on especially during the wee hours of the morning? As I found out, no better ways to fill your lonely hours than to look the word tenesmus up the wikipedia.

As everyone may have figured the meaning by now, I think when a dude suffers from one, he couldn’t be claiming that he was raped in the ass, could he?

This is nothing political but purely based on logic. My take is, when someone’s anus is screwed, say, by an obvious object, that will naturally opens up the anal canal wider for his turd to ease through. So if he was indeed being fucked in the butthole, he should be able to crap effortlessly. And he might be able to do it even by standing on his feet.

Whatever man. I think its better to leave this matter to the expert because I’m not a doctor, let alone an ass doctor.

Hey, but I think the word Tenesmus sounds pretty rockin’. Cool name for a rock band.

Or a boy band. Something like the Rasmus, only that Rasmus is a crappy rock band.

I think The Tenesmus will thrive better in the pop scene. Just need to gather a bunch of guys with a pretty-boy look, preferably with a six-pack torso, a singing ability as melodious as the Spice Girls and voila, they’ve got themselves a contract.

To make their first million bucks all they need is to corrupt an oldie number and they are well on track to be part of world’s wonders- the one-hit wonder.

So anyway, my current state of mind is totally untenesmus. I have been writing since Monday and all that ever comes out are pure crap...just like our nation's current political situation.

Monday, July 28, 2008

I Love Mondays

Oh man, its only 1220am and I can barely open my eyes. The weariness is still very much felt, clouding my whole body system even after hours of afternoon siesta. Not gonna blame on the age factor, because I am still young and gorgeous but I believe its more like a wake-up call that I should go slow on my weekend’s routine-breaking shindigs.

Suffice to say my past weekends have not been short of activities. Invitations kept pouring in- dinners, reunions, lesbian orgies, bloggers get-togayther- and this round of weekend was no exception.

Time flies by when you’re having a good time but when you had a blast, you wish you could party on as if there’s no tomorrow.

Now that we’re well into the dreading start of the week, all the fun comes to a halt.

Its back to a dull, routine motion. Pressure starts mounting to get your job done and Friday seems like a century away.

Then we begin to moan, grumble and whinge on about everything that deems suck to one’s preference- Just because it’s a bloody Monday.

There in the ward meanwhile, we have someone dearly battling a dreadful Monday that will inevitably harm her body in some ways or another and here we moan for the workload which will in due course produces an income.

I mean, doesn’t sound right, does it?

It was only a couple of years ago when I gave a pal -with a respectable career, a salary comparable to a corrupted minister- some good piece of mind. He can go ahead and lust for all the good shit the world can offer but not swapping places with a quad like me so he could sleep through out the day and night.

No man, you wouldn't want that. A single ‘Amin’ to that and God could very well grant his wish and crippled his limbs at one stroke. And trust me, its not a pretty thing to be yearning for.

Now however, I’m guilty of that and a good reminder should snap me off from ultimately swallowing on my own words. Actually I’m culpable of everything under the sun, so its not a real surprise that I’m guilty of bitching mad at poor old Mondays.

Ungrateful bastards most of us are.

Thursday, July 24, 2008


Hey, I’ve got my notebook back. Nothing to shout about really as it’s still the same crappy old laptop, only minus the Trojans and shits like that, which of course is a good thing.

I shouldn’t be complaining, you know. I take some consolation that comes out of this whole virus-attack episode- that it was just an old laptop and not a Proton Perdana, or I may have to break my bank account (as well as few dozen others) just to get it repaired.

RM50k to fix a damn car. And we dumb fools are expected to buy this trumped-up story. Come on la datok, its your life-long dream to drive a benzo. Stop faking it and come out clean with your story. You’re nothing but a faker, man. A mother faker.

Ok, back to my virus-free laptop.

I seriously think its about time I change to a new one. But the timing couldn’t be as ghastly as now. Just when the cost of living is soaring high, this fucking thing just had to turn its back against me.

I’ve got some wonderful people reading my blog who came out with suggestions on how I could go about in replacing this old junk for a new one. I truly appreciate their ideas. They offered something substantial, and the fact that we’re mere blog acquaintance really speaks volume of their thoughtfulness.

But, I’ve already got a plan up my sleeveless Pagoda.

The lady-luck may not be smiling at me now but I truly believe there’s always a light at the end of every tunnel. For striking the right chord I managed to get a slot for a meeting with a certain VVIP.

No, its not Kery Jamaluddin. Whoever, Its very much on the card and I have yet to utilize it.

The best part is, the ball is in my court to name her (yes, it’s a she!) the date and time for the meeting- at my convenience! That’s the flip side to it.

Now for the flop side to this whole good shit –

I don’t have the guts to bloody do it. The thought of calling her up simply freaks me like hell my balls shrink up without a trace left in the scrotal bag.

But I know I’m gonna have to do it eventually. I wanted this so much and will make the most of this little precious time she has for me.

What I need is to put on a thick face, be done with all the protocols and get down straight to the point and forward my request for a state-of-the-art notebook.

In the mean time, I’m just hoping the testicles will return to its place and gather my guts in full-force soon before I pick up that damn phone and start dialing.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Raden Galoh

It was her birthday on Monday and when she was supposed to be out dining with her colleagues, letting her hair down celebrating this meaningful occasion, instead she was greeted with an upsetting news- a cancer relapse that has now spread on a few more areas of her body.

Monday couldn’t get more suck than to receive such devastating news as this, especially the victim being dearly to us. In this case, me.

Raden Galoh, or fondly Kak D to yours truly, has been an inspiration to most of us who are either direct or indirectly linked to her blog, as well as her faithful readers.

Right from the beginning when she was first diagnosed back in 2004, she endured the battle heroically. Survived the first ordeal but unfortunately another one awaits.

I know I shouldn’t be fretting. Kak D’s a fighter, and an admirable Srikandi at that. With the immense inner spiritual strength she possesses, I know she’ll pull through.

We are all with you Kak D. our prayers will be with you always!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Change your lifestyle: Dump Proton for Merc


I know I’m on borrowed computer (still) but the temptation of forwarding some piece of my mind regarding the Mercedes fiasco in the east-coast state was just simply overwhelming.

First read it at Kata Tak Nak and Rocky and I thought its gotta be another hearsay until this morning when the MB came out with the statement naturally to defend the state government’s move.

Apparently the move was made after they’ve studied every angle and the most frugal way to pamper the state’s exco and senior official members is to, GET THIS, buy them an E200 Kompressor each, which totalled up to RM3.43m for 14 units.


How in the world will this ‘clever’ idea save any cost?

Oh well, it does make sense, doesn’t it…to the MB at least.

After all you can’t expect the excos to turn down on such move now that they’ve got a Mercedes Kompressor each to show off. Besides, its good enough keep their mouth shut.

The MB cited an example where one fella had to fork out RM50000 just for repair during his 3 years driving a Perdana, and hence the need to switch to Merc.

Shit man, did this guy actually use the Perdana to drive or what?

Here I have family member and a few friends driving a Perdana V6 and trust me, all of them have been using the same vehicle for more than 6 years now and apart from minor repairs the cars are very much in top-notch condition.

Get real mr MB. If Perdana- or any cars for that matter- are well maintained and taken care of, the car can last a life-time.

If the MB thinks local cars are crap, I think the excuses given are even crappier.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Rumour Mongering

Is it true, that Ameno and Past has finally kissed, fondled and ultimately merged?

I received this piece of news from the most reliable source that anyone could ever get their hands on – circulated email

According to the sender - a very respectable and influential man whom I cant quite recall his name - he emphasised that the much talk-about meeting between the two parties had in fact taken place in Thailand and even provided what he claimed as hard-proof.

I am totally buying this story, man. I mean, why not. It looks so genuine and convincing. You judge for yourself and tell me if I’m wrong.


Ok I should just shut the hell up and quit writing for a while.

The latest political development has in a way put me in the spot I feel a little confused of what to make out of all these. Maybe I should just stay away from politics all together and start focussing on my future plans, like getting a federal datukship for example. I’ve got it all planned on print and stored it up in my c-drive.

But first, I need my laptop back.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Dragging week ahead: The bad shit

Ok here’s another shit, alas a bad shit. I am now back on my sister-in-law’s machine. No prize in guessing what happened to that crappy old laptop of mine.

What’s bothering my state of mind the most currently is how the hell am I to earn a living now that the bloody laptop has gone totally round the bend. As I stressed prior to this, the fucking thing has been my rice cooker for quite sometime now. Unfortunately it has gone mad and now my bread & butter is pretty much at stake.

I’ve got tons of shit to do and the fucking virus just had to play its game at the worst time possible.

Unlike many, I’ve been very dependant as far computer repairing goes. Now that it wont be around for quite a while, I may have to seek my in-law’s kindness to at least let me keep this till I finish off with my weekly article. Not that she minds but I believe she has her own shitty work to get them done too.

I’ve gone through deeper shit, this couldn’t be so bad, right? I wish.

This has always been the story of my life so far. Just when I thought everything seems to fall into places, faeces and vomit sure to be thrown in together into the mixing bowl just to wreck and mess the party up.

If there’s any consolation, well, I am still breathing.

Here’s to another crappy crap crap week ahead. Hooray to life!

* Any rich blogger/reader out there care to donate? I'll sell my dignity and dance to the tune of Las Ketchup for your sole enjoyment. Anything man...anything for a laptop!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Good Shit

They were one of the coolest things to ever embrace the youth of the nation back during its peak in circa 92-94. When most teenagers were into post-Justice Metallica, some of us kids found a punk rock band much cooler to dig on, with a local flavour.

Proud to shout out I was one of those kids who would tag along with the band around town performing in underground shows, most notably at Live Centre together with the usual suspects namely The Pilgrims, The Splatters, Subculture, Lovely Ugly Carnivals, Chronic Mass and a few friends from down under; Force Vomit, Stompin’ Ground and Swirling Madness to name a few.

Now they’re back in the news and this time the whole nation turns their head, amid for the wrong reason- the legendary Carburetor Dung.

Hold on, did I say for the wrong reason? You bet. The band (with a new line-up) played a set which was part of a rally organised by the opposition coalition, so naturally bad press from the MSM was something everyone could foresee it coming.

Apart from the incident last week however, I cant recount any other untoward occurrence as far as this band are concerned. Well, not to my knowledge at least.

But I will not budge from what I have always thought of them. Carburetor Dung will as usual go on doing their business at what they’re always best at- rocking the stage.

They may be famous now with their bahasa track Mari Nyanyi Menjilat but they’ll forever be remembered as the band responsible for producing some of the most anthemic punk rock numbers, one of them being the sing-along crowd-favourite Boohoo Clapping Song, featured in their debut Songs For Friends album way back in 1993.

Who cares that if it has never managed to climb up the local chart. The kids dug it, the airwaves can fucking kiss asses full of Dung.

Politics aside, to Joe Kidd and the lads, I tip my hat!

Boo Hoo Clapping Song - Carburator Dung

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Will sell my spine for a new laptop

Strike? What strike? Someone asked me if I had taken the cue from other bloggers to boycott all the political skirmishes clouding our nation lately.

Then why the long hiatus, echoed another friend.

Read my fucking blog la dei.

As it is now I’m still to know when exactly my laptop will be ready. Not that there’s any problem with this one that I’m on now, but its just not the same. Its like when you are so used to cuddling your spouse and suddenly you are fondling a different person against your will.

So anyway, I was at the blog house last week and one of the sponsors, LG, had initiated some sort of a contest where we are required to reveal our darkest secret through our blog and link it back to them. The best kept secret spotted by the organiser will walk away with their latest hand phone product and a night’s spend with the LG Girls or something.

Or was it? It was too noisy I can barely hear what the emcee (Tony) was trying to tell us exactly.

Hey, not that I’m participating but if I did I could be winning the contest hands-down. I’ve got too many secrets by revealing the worst-kept would hand me the grand prize.

Like that night right… while shaking hands with Erra Fazira, my eyes were actually focusing on her boobs. She may notice it but as I said; its only the worst-kept.

And later on, all along the conversation I had with this one sweet lady who came up to me, I couldn’t make out who she was, right up till now!

Ok seriously I thought it’d easy but its not. By telling the whole world your secrets it may in a way, jeopardise your career, relationship and even get you into trouble with the authority.

Here’s a bold truth; I have indeed, committed a crime or ten…


Monday, July 7, 2008

A Quickie

I know what people will exactly say if I told them my computer has been struck by some notorious Trojan virus- that I’m a smut-addict.

There is some truth in it but I swear to God that wasn’t the actual reason how this nasty bug had found its way into my hard-disk. Without elaborating much, there I was innocently doing some work via email trying to make a living when it happened. And I was like, yay, great. There goes my rice cooker (periuk nasi).

Not all is lost yet, hopefully. Not sure how long can I hold on to my sis-in-law’s laptop that I’m currently using and typing on but I’ve got my machine sent to fix the problem. It may take a few days or even longer.

Hopefully everything will be back in place soon. Last week was a complete misery that it has in a way taken today’s blues away.

My apologies to all as I may not be able to go blog-whoring for the next 24 hours at least

Rancangan akan disambung semula selepas masalah teknikal dapat diatasi. Harap maklum.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Seasonal Grandmother's Story

Bloody hell this has gone way too far. I REALLY HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THESE HIDEOUS LIES.

The current fiasco is way too bitter to chew on. Why the hell everyone should believe in hearsay is a real puzzle. And now people tend to believe that a ridiculous amount of cash were involved as part of whatever fuck the deals are going on currently.

Supporters from both sides of the fence cant be fooled by all the talks any longer…


My advice to those irresponsible bastards is to stop all these bullshit and totally lay off of him.



In the mean time, Barca and Milan can kiss a certain frenchman's derriere!


Thursday, July 3, 2008


Internet users subscribed to streamyx in my area have been having trouble surfing the net for more than a couple of days now. I thought it would be fully recovered by today but no, loading a page earlier this evening took longer than my usual dumping session.

But seriously, nothing can top the misery I had to endure last night. Talking about a bad hair day, or night or whatever hell, it was by far the crappiest in recent months.

The bad internet connection was dreadful enough but that’s fine by me. I can live without surfing the net for a day or two. Besides, what can get worse right?

Wrong. Soon enough I discovered my Astro’s remote control had gone caput. I was so sure it wasn’t the batteries as It was only a few weeks back that I had it replaced. This may not be a big deal to you lot as the channel can still be switched manually but not me la joe, I was already in bed by then.

The worst is still to come- the Astro was last tuned to Playhouse Disney channel! Darn kids…another round of Barney and I’ll go barmy.

Right. So no smut to drool on nor any good programs to watch. And programs on terrestrial tv at best are as good as Bloomberg tv on Astro, only works good for those suffering from insomnia. In the end I decided to call it a day.

With the current political hullabaloo I don’t think I have missed much anyway. Some news (literally) blows, (back) entries on one 23yo dude are posted on many blogs and all of a sudden the fuel issue died down. At the end of the day the rakyat are still being screwed, just like that dude’s ass.

In the mean time I could do with a couple more of good, deep slumber. Try this (at home and office) and you’ll feel like weekend comes sooner than it usually does.