Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Shoot and win

I’m sure we’ve all seen one of those warning signboard that says ‘Trespassers Will Be Shot’ noticeably hung on fences of a private property somewhere. Now I wish similar punishment could also be applied to those inconsiderate car owners who have no qualms at abusing disabled parking spots.

The problem has always been to catch these bastards red-handed.

Its never easy I tell you that, and it doesn’t help when you have kayu security guards sleeping on their job.

Last week however my break came and it was one those rare occasions I get to exercise my rights, telling the driver straight in the face.

Here’s the thing. The wheelchair-designated parking spots in this one hypermarket we usually frequent were never vacant. But regardless of whether the driver’s a cripple does not matter because I can’t simply be jumping the gun and started shitting on his car hood.

But as luck would have it that day, one of the parking spots was available only to be beaten to it by a car in front of us. And sure enough, not 1 but 3 able-bodied African dudes coolly alighted the car and walks away as if their Tok Wan owns the supermarket.

Then bang! it happened. I shot ‘em 3 goons with my trusted Tommy gun, hitting them right on the forehead and rejoiced the moment all 3 hit the ground...

...Ok seriously, here's what actually happened.

I got down and yelled out at the driver to remove his junk somewhere.

Oh oh...but get this- he had the cheek to believe he was innocent and had not violated any law even with a huge OKU signboard clearly erected in front of his vehicle.

I mean, duuuuude...if you really are visually impaired then by all means man, the fucking space is all yours.

But no, some people just had to argue even when they realise they don’t stand a chance. Hard as they try, the not-so-good will always triumph over evil.

The driver especially, stood there with two minds after I made it clear he can either go on shopping and risk getting his car clamped or does the right thing by vacating the parking space.

Maybe the thought of the yellow clamping thing made him do the right thing and spared any damages from being done.

Except for bruised ego. I mean, cool homeys don’t get no rap from no crip on wheels, know what I’m sayin’?

Hey, I was merely exercising my rights. What’s equally important is this episode should at least instil some sense of awareness to those involved and witnessed it.

Its about time society jacks their level of awareness a notch up.

And a harsher punishment similar to the trespassing law should effectively do the trick.


Kata Tak Nak said...

And I bet many able-bodied arseholes were just watching without even thinking of giving you some support. Who do they think they are? Mike Tyson?
At least our own Mike Tyson is an OKU, he cannot spik Inglis.

Akmal said...

my friend at the hostel jokingly pasted this as the warning to the people not to disturb them while they are on study mode.

"Trespassers will be prostituted".

I guess that will give out a bigger impact, yah? :D

anfield devotee said...

Dear Bro Kerp,

While me understands yer frustration in this scenario, me thinks you should refrain from using derogatory stereotypes such "them black money-scammers".

Sorry, but two wrongs don't make a right.

BTW, me was brought up to think that 'n' word was a violation of one's human rights & not some cool slang to be bandied about (despite what the rap community may think).

Other than that, kudos fer waving yer flag dude. Respect.

Tinesh said...

Well done la dude!! Next time bring out your shotgun and say "either your brains or your car tyres will be deflated in 10 seconds". Godfather style.

but seriously dude, i wont bear the shame if people see me parking at an OKU spot and getting outta the car able bodied. malu giler babi sial. but hey! that's just me la.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


there were a few on-lookers, but whether or not they're on my back, i still gave the 3 amigos some piece of my mind. good that these tyson-wannabes understand inglis...hehehe...


what do you mean jokingly? i'd shave the trespasser bald and get the sailors to finish him off. action speaks louder than word as they say. that sure to leave quite a hole...kihkihhh...

You’re with the majority. Only the kiasu-kind wouldn’t mind the shame, all for convenience sake.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


Noted bro, and i sincerely apologise for that. Rest assured i’ll be more tactful in the future. Thanks for pointing it out. I have since corrected the poor choice of words and appropriately replaced them all.

Salt N Turmeric said...

Bravo Kerp! Did you have an audience when you told them off? That would be the ultimate shameful moment for them and whoever else who likes to park their cars at OKU designated parking bays.

Pi Bani said...

Way to go bro! Don't play play with Ahmad Kerpov eh?

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


there were a few on-lookers and looking back, i think i actually created a minor scene. couldnt care less, the shame's on the guilty party and ofcos, the security guards for turning a blind eye.

Kak Pi,

berani kerana benar kak Pi. it'd be a different story totally if i didnt have the rights to it and idak le teman metor...

mozHASturnedINTOaMartian said...

tuan "kerp"-bra-gas (no pun intended), :))

"guilty of being white"..remember that undusted gem of a track bro? awesomely notorious for its obvious racial connotations; obstrusively misconstrued most of the time upon hearing its title - but once yu get into the lyrics yu get the angle where they're comin' from.

now question is what has this got to do with yer posting? absolutely nothing. in fact it is way off the obtuse angle and splintering the tangents to .a..er..T? not so much in context - but i guess what i'm tryin' to say is to ward of my looming selfhypocrisy - "guilty of being an ignorant able bodied blackarsed cunt".

story goes like this, i'm shittin' 7-eleven slurpeestyle the whole day, i mean literally dude. hang on let me rephrase that, for the benefit of those slurpin' on slurpees while reading this. i was having massive diarhoea. the kind that splurts when yu cough. it was one of those rajin melabur days. record visits to the loo a gazillion times, to the point i had done away with..uhm..undergarments. while winding the car up the obligatory peak hour jam and pass the gates of hell..s.g.besi toll gates...the pang came, a slow turgid pull *sigh*. still stuck at the freakin gates, took the transit ticket and whored the pedal down. nearest stop, serdang rest area. made a parking the would embarass my grandma, tak senget tak bengkok i.e. parking suke hati bapak gua..(felt the tingling anus-y wetness almost there)...rushed to the rest area toilet, like daily thompson at the back of the final mile in a decathlon..3 toilets available:
-2 cangkung; and
-1 duduk.
the european-styled duduk jambans had an OKU sticker on the door.. push came to shove, again literally, didn't stop to think, rushed in the OKU-reserved one, pulled down and blasted (think scarface in shooting from the top of the stairs) - ecstatic relief; almost euphoric. took a look around, there was a steel bar propped on 2 frames to the right, and a glass mirror nailed to the wall further right, bodylength. wondered for a while the purpose of these 2 instruments, and then it did finally hit my thick skull. *sigh* felt like shit itself that moment.

yes, i did that mate. my bad *sigh*. i have on few occasions used it too on periods of non-diarhoea but immense urges of havetoshit situations.

it is my fault. not layin the blame on anybody. however, couldn't help wondering this... is the cangkung concept catered to a studied demand of the market...or is it due to the overall cost structure of installing a jamban?; OR

is it due to supposed enhanced "cleanliness" implied and tersurat in cangkung toilets?; OR
are so called "european"/inglis styled jambangs more expensive? go figure.

my point being, why not just install as duduk ones. and i'd like to further clarify and cebok myself to say, regardless of whether it was for squatting or sitting, i should have refrained from using the OKU-reserved.

my bad, my apologies.


Kerp (Ph.D) said...

muahahahahahaa...gila classic moz's rant.

TMI bro, TM farkin III...

no excuses, you could have held your shit and chanted the ever effective mantra 'kepala bontot kepala bontot' till you find the next available jamban...

muahahahaa...try that the next time you almost crap in your pants and see if it really works...

Achilles said...

Kerp: Nice sign... i like the one that says "trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again" heheheheheee

As fer the scene, i think you had all the right to blast them off.

However, while reading your story, couldn't help but replay the scene from "Me, Myself & irene" starring Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey sees this able bodied guy parking in the OKU spot and running off into the supermarket, so he trashes the car and empties one tong sampah into the convertible.... only to notice moments later, the able bodied guy coming back carrying a disabled person, who owns the car. hehehehehehehee.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


yes, i clearly remember that particular scene...hehehehe...i'm a huge Carrey fan. i even caught The Truman Show, his worst ever.

bro, you have no idea what you've missed last saturday. but no worries, at least one more of such event on the drawings before the year ends.

Pak Zawi said...

I thought only Malaysians have the mentality to abuse parking lots reserve for OKUs. Now other nationals (in this case Africans) do abuse it. It shows that their mentality are just the same.
The same things happen at Tesco Kota Kharu. There seems to be no effort by the management to curb this abuse. Clamping their wheels will be a sure deterrent especially if the abusers will be made to pay to declamp.
Why not you write a letter about this to the press or ask sis Elviza to write something in her column?

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Pak Z,

no sir, unfortunately this parking woe is a global disease, even in the most advanced country like america as mr Rajan interestingly pointed out above.

i did write about it a coupla times during my stint with MM but as i anticipated while working out that piece, every complaints fell on deaf ears, which is a real pity.

zorro said...

Atta boy Danny. I can visualise the scene if you were not in your wheels.
I did the same to some Singaporeans whose car was parked in a similar zone at one of our R&R stops.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

thanks uncle B. but that coming from Singaporeans, i dont think it'd surprise many...hehehehe...

anfield devotee said...

Oh me goodness. Mozzer, ye really could have spared us the grusome fooking details.

Fooking hell la, fer the last time, pls start yer own blog. Its too funny NOT to. Side splitting description la.

Kerp, shall we ban this fooker from our blogs until he starts his own? What say ye?

ps: Kerp - Truman Show was ace la! Have ye noted that it was spot-on prediction of society's soon-to-be crazy obssession with REALITY TV?
Have ye seen '32'? Another Carrey gem.

monsterball said...

Looks like Kerp is on heat
But that's for animals.
So we can say..he is in no mood to be fooled around...like a lady with monthly period...stomach very painful..first day.....hahahahahaha
But he maybe sooooo fed up..one day..shoot someone on the leg..and pistol license confiscated ...pay hefty fine and pend few months in jail.
That Pinky will cry and fuck him proper.....hahhahahhaha

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


banning him will make this blog like owning a tv without subscribing to astro. no way i'm letting that to happen. having said that Mozz is definitely one of very few i want to see him jumping in on the blogging badnwagon.

Re JC- the Number 23 you mean? i wikied him up and was surprised to read he has so many movies i havent watched. sure got loads of catching up do.

mr goh,

no compomise when it comes to our rights. no guns needed but at some point the community needs to set our foot on the ground and show the world we're firm about our cause.

anfield devotee said...

Oh yes, 23, not 32. Good film.

RE: Banning the Mozzer
Its only to force him to set up his own blog la so we can get regular fix of his insane writing.

It is indeed a waste this dude doesn't have his own blog.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

what say you mozzman? yea you heard us. besides, having your own blog grants you your own platform to hit the gooners at you heart's content. hey, i'm ok with that if you're willing to jump on the blogging bandwagon...

again brader, what say you?

Shamsul Yunos said...

please come over to my blog and watch my video report on Anwar's sodomy trial

dari 5,000 yang diharapkan... 150 aje yang datang bersorak


mozisgod said...

tuan kerpbragas/tuan balaji,

er...just wanted to clarify something...for your info - i did crap in my pants that day.

thanks a lot for the heads up, and the literal kickarse feral encouragement;the guilt is there and has always been there - like a freakin vibrator up the arse. guilt, and a whole lot of other self-pervasive chronic paranoia on the surety of faith in one self.*sigggh*. will attempt to do something.

appreciativus maximus
p.s. what happens to the autobots or decepticons when they have diarhoea dude huh? mwahahha

mozisgod said...

p.s.2 will er..ms.luscious lips have anything to do in event of that diarhoea?
help. badly.

Achilles said...

moz: Aiyoooh..... what's up with the diarhoea descriptions-lah. me also feels like taking a shitter now... hehehehehe

Anyway, i think Kerp & bala's suggestion is a good one. You should start one blog, and you can let your classic Moz ranting rip away... like diarhoea... hehehehehehe

Kerp (Ph.D) said...




there you go, even rajan has joined the 'Mozz to blog' campaign. all the rants and raves you've spewed in our blogs are worth an entry. time is not an excuse as you're free to update as you wish. think about it man...


hehehe....thats a good one and i concur with you...