Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Fateful Feb

I've been frequently asked if I was born a crippled. Hell no. I was just a step away from becoming the biggest silver screen icon living on dope until…


February 1994 when it happened. The same year important people, the likes of Kurt Cobain and Ayrton Senna passed on. But not before a more important person and someone closed to me lost his own life.

I woke up late that morning after a night out galavanting with a couple of guys. I had wanted to spend my holidays while waiting for the SPM results at Granny’s. But as fate would have it, I stayed home.

That day I started it off by having lunch after a brief conversation with my best mate. We were supposed to meet up for a game of snooker or two which we actually did eventually. I was already outside the house gate with my classy BMX bike, when he appeared with his brand new Honda NSR. It was a gift from his dad, bought 5 days earlier.

And so the day took off. I traded my bicycle for the extra helmet he brought and I tagged along on his new bike. We spent a good couple of hours at the arcade when we decided to check out a new place situated mere kilometers away. And that’s when it happened that more or less sealed our life’s journey. For driving recklessly, the lady driver made me a quadraplegic and took my best buddy’s life. She should have been charged under section 302 of the penal code. Total bitch and a murderer.

The timing when it happened was rather tragic. My best mate’s mom was expecting back then and a week after the mishap, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. It wasn’t exactly a replacement they asked for. Imagine how things quickly took a different twist for his family in a space of one week. For 18 long years they had a family consisted of a mom, dad, a son and daughter, then completely changed to parents with two daughters. No more Abang in the house.

I was ICU-ed for one solid week and it wasn’t nice I tell you. I was in extreme pain, weak, traumatised and fearful of what to come next. Having pretty nurses around didn’t help either. The embarrassment of being stripped naked right infront of them wasn’t what I called fun, not when I’m in sorry state anyway. Even my boner shied away. But they were so dedicated and committed in ensuring I was breathing fine, or atleast continue breathing. I was almost dead so I couldn’t care less.

It has been more than 13 years now since that fateful february and for a life-changing experience, I doubt I can ever erase the memory. Sometimes I missed having to be able to walk. Sometimes when I sleep at night, weird dreams would appear where I’d be walking and running and even having dream within dreams that the whole episode was all just a nightmare. That’s when I’d usually wake up and tears would flow and wished I didn’t have to wake up at all.

I spoke to my wheel buddy the other day and he too missed being able to walk again. We would recall the good old days being an abled body person. The good old days when we took freedom for granted. The days when we thought wheelchairs are meant for old folks.

It is sad but we’ve moved on and the consolotion that comes out of it beats even the good old times. We can now afford to look back with a smile as we are already used to life on wheels. And frankly, it’s not that bad afterall.

Go ahead, break your spine and try it.

Dua budak cacat.


the fan said...

sad and funny story,keep it up bro,,anyway wat happen to that lady,was she got jailed or smething

BigDogDotCom said...

Thanks for sharing.

Its heart breaking to read your story. But there is always a silver lining for a very unfortunate mishap that changed a life of a person.

At least, you are still around. You are still breathing God's air, enjoying God's wonderful creatures served in many forms of dishes. And you still around to loved and loving in return, to ypur family and loved ones.

You still are able to enjoy some other finer part of life like internet, EPL (Arsenal) etc. Okay so you can't exactly fly on AirAsia or jog on Sunday mornings. Its still alright. Remember, men invented wheels because they are lazy to walk. Look how much our lives over dependent on wheels nowadays and these people have fine feet.

You must always remember. You are an exceptionally strong and brave man. Otherwise God will not test you this way. Remember, God only test his subjects who are able undertake the 'tests'.

Again, thanks for sharing. Be strong and inspire others. Your spirit will put able bodied people to shame.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hey, thanks The Fan. didnt expect to get early feedbacks.

we sued her insurance's ass off. so basically she got away scot-free. lets hope her guilt will eat her soul off and die eventually.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

big bro, its always a pleasure reading your comment. i'm taking it all into me as a reminder.

yea i am grateful to still be alive and be able to enjoy all the great stuff the world can offer.

traveling on wheels domestically cant be that bad actually. we hv beautiful highways and since i'm always not in a rush, AA can eat their hearts out.

mekyam said...

Yo, dua budak cacat yang hensem lah!

Are you the one in the wife-beater tee a la homer?

Kerp, thank God another bone which escaped unscathed that horrendous day was... your funny bone! ;D

I'm so moved by your account of what happened and quite2 awed by your spirit. Luckily I'm totally charmed by your cacat otak humour, otherwise I probably wouldn't know what to say after reading this entry.

See you in the bloghoods, kerpie!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hi mekyam,

yes i am the one clad in my traditional home(r) attire, the wife-beater. and the uglier guy on the right is my best pal.

this spirit is whats left to push me forward. i may have been overlapped like a 100th times but i'm moving, alright.

Thanks mekyam

Anonymous said...

Salam bro,

Way to go, bro! Way to go!

I had a history or sorts as well, but you make them look puny! :) Now,, I can laugh at myself. Thanks bro.

Anonymous said...

Oops, sorry, forgot to sign off. That way to go is by me - Amir, your new brother.

pen khaan wala said...

Hi Kerp,

Its tragic for someone to loose his limbs in the prime of his youth. Even more tragic for your friend's family to loose a son. My heart goes out to you man. But you must realise that the healing will only set in when you learn to forgive and move on. No use cursing that poor woman. I'm sure she would have had her share of karma. God bless.

acciaccatura said...

penulisan anda banyak menyedarkan saya.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Yo amir, even mine is not much a big deal compared to some of my wheelbuddies. But I guess its always good to learn new lessons.
Thanks bro.

Pen Khaan Wala,
thank you so much. Yea I admit I’ve been harsh on the lady but sometimes somethings just had to be said. Looking back, there was not a single apology. The opportunities came and went by. We even offered our hands, but still, nothing. Nevertheless, I’m all for forgiveness. Thanks.

Terima kasih. Ia lebih untuk renungan bersama. Saya bukanlah pandai sangat dalam menulis ni. Banyak belajar dari penulisan penulis2 lain yg jauh berpengalaman. Dan saya lebih terharu tersenarai dlm blog puan.

So what now? I shall add yours to mine. Mana lah tau satu hari saya perlukan idea, saya cari puan…insyaAllah.

Halley said...

Your ability in overcoming such a major obstacle is proof of the strength of the human spirit.

When facing adversity we always have a choice either to succumb or to overcome. Those who choose the latter shows the ability to summon courage and strength which lies in all humankind.

I am sure your life story will serve as an inspiration to others.


Nak Tak Nak said...

What can I say, you are one hell of a tough guy. To overcome what seem to be a death sentence takes guts. For this I am nothing compared to you. I salute you.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Halley, you said it right. And if the message reaches those in the same boat, it would be a great bonus. Thanks.

Wow, cikgu. I am not that tough I can assure you. I had no choice. but the support I get from the loved ones that got me moving. Cikgu, I also have something to ask you about. Will email you the soonest. Thanks.

Daphne Ling said...

Hey Danny,

I know you don't see yourself as disabled disabled (and I don't mean to insult you) but I want you to know how sorry I am that you had to pay because of someone else's carelessness...*Hugs*

You were very lucky that you have a family and friends to turn to, and indeed, caring nurses to try their best to make you feel comfy...

I admire your courage for blogging about it. And I hope that remembering your story will help keep me going for the many years to come =)

Take care and keep on blogging!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hi daphne,

not to worry, i dont get offended easily bcos of my crippledness.

and its been a long while since. now that i've moved on, no matter how tiny the contribution it may be, i have to learn to give something back in return.

thank you.

Uncle Ma'il said...

Hi Danny,

Glad Uncle asked you about your blog last nite (btw that was a sumptuous dinner - sambal belacan and all - your parents prepared for us).

It's a great blog you have here - well written, touching and funny too! It's good that you face life positively the way you do, for we never know what is around the corner. Uncle has a brother who is suffering from cancer, and after three operations to remove parts of his face the doctor said he can't cut him up anymore. The tumours are spreading to his eyes and are beginning to affect his brain...and he used to be such an active person...a wife, four young children.

We have so much to live for. I'm glad the way things had turned out for you after that tragic accident. We all felt your pain along the way. And I'm glad too that our families' friendship is back to normal again - it was silly really, and so sad, as we were so close - we consider ourselves not just friends but part of your family, so I'm thankful for the reunion...

Take care

La Cucaracha said...

I grasped the cup of bitterness
And proudly held it high.
I thought I'd teach a lesson
To the one who made me cry.

So disappointing was my plight,
So weak, my hurting soul;
But I held tight to bitterness
I would not let it go!

I'll hold on to this bitterness
And let it fill my mind.
My friend must know that I am hurt
So why should I be kind?

As long as I keep grasping
This bitter cup of gall,
My friend will feel so badly
And soon he'll trip and fall.

And then, in all my pittiness
I turned to God alone.
And, lo, I found that only "I"
E'er knew about my bitter stone.

My friend, he didn't feel the hurt
That left me in despair,
For he was going on in life
While I was left, just standing there.

God gently took my feeble hand
And whispered, "Just forgive...
Then pray for he who's wronged you
So you can truly live!"

I fell on knees before my God.
He washed away the bitter tears.
I felt His arms around me.
Quieting all my angry fears.

I bowed my head, and called on God
To give me sweet release.
Then handed Him my bitter cup
He handed me HIS perfect peace!

zorro said...

Danny, what else can I say. Courageous.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Uncle Ma’il,

I felt so humble when I saw you dropped in earlier. It was pouring so I had to abort replying immediately.

I was glad too when someone touched on blogging last night. Or else you wouldn’t know who in the world Kerp is. And to have you here is a real honour.

Reading your comment was even more touching. Uncle and the whole family was there by my side during the earlier days since day 1. Aunty Yati was always there especially for Mama during those trying times

When you mentioned about your brother, was it ayah zik you were referring to? I used to be quite close to him back then. I can only pray that things will look up for your brother and his family soonest. Its common these days, with modern medical technologies, that a cancer patient pulls through and live to tell and give something back to society.

During the ‘storm in the teacup’ between our families, I actually wrote to Irwan how sad it was and had my fingers crossed all along hoping things will be back to the way it should be. He can testify to that. Maybe it took longer than I wished but couldn’t be happier now. I relied on irwan’s friendster just to keep up with you guys at the other end.

Thanks for visiting Uncle Ma’il. Have a pleasant journey back to Australia. And all the best to Izwan on his studies. Aunty Yati, please drop by more often. I will always be here for you.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

La Cucaracha,

Woww, That was beautifully written. I’m going to save it. who knows I may want to sit down and try my hands on poetry, I have something to refer to. Thank you so much.

Unc B,
Thanks sir. Havent seen you from the window lately. Need to see ya soon for a chat or two. And a wholotta tips. Hahha..

patrickteoh said...

Oi Cacat! your story really got everyone going la. LOL...thanks for sharing. My cacat story not a fraction as dramatic as yours la. Thanks for visiting my blogs.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hahhaha...hey, i'm very much a newbie in blogging la. so, just to play safe better to write abt my cacatness.

thanks, mr teoh.

botak said...


Like Zorro, I don't know what more I can say.

Your story was touching yet defiantly uplifting. I like your courage. I applaud your spirit. And I certainly envy your ability to look more at the brighter side of life.

Way to live, man...

Lau Cheow said...

Hi Kerp, keep your wits about you. You have great friends and your strength in adversity is certainly admirable.

ps: your still have that marging around your banner. Looks okay this one, tho.


... the good old days when we took freedom for granted.

kerp, keep that spirit where it is. you are propping up a lot of tired and half-dead ones out here.

thx for sharing the Xperience, man.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Botak bro,
its mandatory man. or pain will bug and life gets meaningless. Thanks for dropping by, buddy.

Bloggoreng brader,
Actually I tried to get rid of all the lines. So I may have to knock on your door again for assistance. Thanks.

Merdeka month is just a couple of days away. And I am so game for it. The up-dated version of Freedom 5.0 should be installed in all our souls for better features.
Thanks brother. I owe you one.

Mat Salo said...

Hey bro' Kerp,

You write pretty good, man. For a 'cacat' I mean. Hehee.. Joke man, except for the "wheels", your upstairs and "downstairs" are probably better that most of the able-bodied folks out there. Me included.

Seriously, Kerp, good of you to blog about it and sharing all this with us..Enjoy your blogging about other stuff too..

You're on heck of a cool dude, man. For that, ever comes a day if I find myself with nothing to do in USJ, got chance I'll buy you a TT. How's that?

Take care, dude. Glad I came here.

Pi Bani said...

Thanks for sharing your story. Love your spirit. And since I believe everything you said here... I shall NOT try to break my spine to feel how you feel... :)

Keep on writing!

zorro said...

Hoi neighbor if you have completed chomping on the Tabacalera Longas, it is time for another interesting posting man.Fans are waiting with bated breast ....oopppsss breath.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Mat Salo, brother,
Prior to my first entry here, I’ve never done any serious writing. I read all the blogs linked at rocky’s even on subjects I’m least interested in. so in some ways you guys have influenced me in getting started, and the safest way is to touch on something close to heart, which is ofcourse, all things cacat. haha…

Drop by at Zorro’s and you’ll find me there. and if you don’t drink, I’ll get ya a cup of nice, hot 3in1 coffee all the way from the kitchen, next door.Thanks for visiting bro.

Puan Pi Bani,
I am humbled by your visit here. Spinal injury isnt nice I tell ya, so don’t you ever try it at home, or there’s gonna be a different twist at Pi’s. haha..

Thanks, Puan. Exiremely honoured to have you here.

Unc B,
I was at chili’s last night and while waiting to be served, I puffed away the remaining half. A wheelchair guy on bermuda pants, pork-pie hat chomping an expensive cigar. That was quite a head-turner. Nope, no crocs.

Fans you say? Errm, not too sure about that but I’ll get one posted soon. Thanks.

nadia a.k.a irwan's wifey said...

Hi there, we may have not met, but I've heard a lot about you from my inlaws. :) Of course, I've met your parents on numerous occasions too. Your posts had my eyes welled up and I'm so glad that you're looking at things on the brighter side. I hope to meet you one day! Take care, yeah?!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hey, I remember you. Well, via friendster. Sooo…you’ve met my parents a few times and yet to meet me? why am I always not in the picture frame? I demand explaination. NOW.

Acah mak enon…hahha…hey, Nadia its nice to have you here. I’ve seen loads and loads of Irfan’s photograph and he is such a doll. As much we (me, you and irwan) should meet up, Irfan made it compulsory. So tell that hubby of yours to stop thinking about Sepang Circuit for once and get you and baby to come over.

I will cross over to your blog later. Salam to Irwan.

Thank you.

Mior Azhar said...

Saudara Kerp,

I'm humbled.

Mior Azhar said...

Saudara Kerp,

I'm humbled.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

salam en mior...

i can assure u not such a big deal.
dah takdir. as heavy as it is there's just no choice but to accept it.

thanks for dropping by.

Sham said...


I know I was supposed to leave comments on your blog, bro.. sorry it took a while.. been really swamped and I guess I couldn't find the right time and topic but this particular one..

I can remember that day vividly, it was tragic, and the sad part is all I can do was watch and cried..
To tell you the truth, I can't believe for a second for what has happened on that day..

People tend to say "move on" and "things happened for the best". Its crap! They don't know shit.. The pain ever so unbarebale.. to be losing a best friend and a close brother at the same time..
What worked for me was "God must've love him more"..

Hey, your blog is the coolest! Take care Mad.. Tought of watching Arsenal's first game of the season with you tomorrow.. We'll keep in touch and confirm..
Alritey then..

soniquser said...


I know I was supposed to leave comments on your blog, bro.. sorry it took a while.. been really swamped and I guess I couldn't find the right time and topic but this particular one..

I can remember that day vividly, it was tragic, and the sad part is all I can do was watch and cried..
To tell you the truth, I can't believe for a second for what has happened on that day..

People tend to say "move on" and "things happened for the best". Its crap! They don't know shit.. The pain ever so unbarebale.. to be losing a best friend and a close brother at the same time..
What worked for me was "God must've love him more"..

Hey, your blog is the coolest! Take care Mad.. Tought of watching Arsenal's first game of the season with you tomorrow.. We'll keep in touch and confirm..
Alritey then..

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

yo sammy,

thanks man. yea, that fateful day. much has talked abt amongst us. joe broke the news. and u guys went to the hospital clad in baju melayu. tht was a dead-giveaway la. it wasnt a friday. i knew he's gone. i cried in pain, physically and emotionally. a best friend lost his life.

that is the reason i needed u guys to be around. glad u guys have. childhood buds forever mannn...