Astro-not?

Spaceflight Participant. What in (or out) the world does that mean? I have to admit it sounds more like we’re participating in a space-tourism thing than anything else. Doesn’t it?

Friends highlighted me on this, even provided the link somewhere here. All the crew members of the expedition were mentioned as astronauts and one cosmonaut but our space candidate was the only one addressed as spaceflight participant. Why the hell so is beyond me.

So is Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor a qualified astronaut or not? How about Dr Faiz Kaleed? I could be wrong as always but I seriously think somebody high-up needs to do some explanation here.

Of Mamak and Space Men

Good to hear then. Both our space candidates have been recognized as astronauts after all. But apparently it was reported that Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor is the first choice between the two, dentist Dr Faiz Kaleed being the other fella. Dr Sheikh would be placed with the first crew for the Soyuz 15-S mission.

But still they have yet to confirm who would be sent to planet Zorg. I mean, seriously, cant we have one already and stop playing the guessing game? Pick one, you damn Russians.

According to one minister it’s a normal process to pick one at the eleventh hour before blasting off. Sure man, sureeeee...

Hey, I don’t think one will be broken-hearted if the decision went against him. At least he wouldn’t sulk, pull a long-face and balik kampong for raya the first shuttle available, no. And I doubt the successful candidate would ever look down on the loser. I mean, come on, give him a break, he’ll be thousand of kilometers away from earth.

Kahkahh...

All the best to both. They’ve done us proud, and even prouder that they left the stupid teh tarik idea behind. Leave that to experts Dawood and Makbul, the real deal Kings of teh tarik.

Nice one, chief!

Check out Muteaudio, quite an interesting piece from him.

This is very disturbing!

Update no 2.

No, wait. Let's torture this dickhead first. As Cikgu Nazir suggested, the culprit deserves to be sodomised by a long, blunt object. I had durian(s) in mind but a log oughtta do it.

Update no 1.

Kill the perpetrator(s)!

Original Post.

Ok this is disturbing. Apparently the girl found dead in the bag turns out to be Nurin Jazlin Jazimin after all. A DNA test has confirmed it.

I’m going to stop writing for a while as I’m not sure on how to react on such devastating news as this.

Shit, this is sickening.

Read Rocky's Bru for more.

Dr Sheikh It Is!

Dr sheikh Muszaphar Shukor has been confirmed as our first astronaut. I didn’t watch the news today but got this info from Bigdog.

Somehow we knew it all along he will be the one selected to create history as the first Malaysian to be rocketed into space.

I am very sure those Russian scientists were professional about their choice and selection was not based on who is hunkier than who, or that shit.

So anyway congrats to dr Sheikh. He will be blasted off into space on the 10th of October, which means come Aidilfitri he’ll be up there celebrating raya with the Stormtroopers, E.T, Alf and the likes. That also means this fella wont be able to pig out on the usual rendang and lemang stuff and have to make do with Moon rocks Candy or Milkyway Chocolate bar instead.

Back on earth in the mean time, let’s help ourselves to a few pieces of Space Cake, perhaps that would give us some ideas howsit feels like being up there, in the outer space.

Missing Nurin

Got you loud and clear, Rocky. I'm joining in on the search-party.

I am not a parent but being an uncle to a pretty princess-like niece, the disappearance of Nurin Jazlin Jazimin sends shivers down my crooked spine.

Nurin has been missing for 28 days so let’s all pray for her quick return safely and put an end to her parents’ misery.

Do visit this site HERE , dedicated in searching of cute little Nurin. Perhaps a tiny effort could make a huge different.

Never lose hope!

Sports Round-up

It was a great weekend, one to cherish for me, as far as sporting events are concerned.

Yup, I’ve just got to put it down on a record. Arsenal beat the daylight out of their bitter poophead rivals Tottenham Hotscum 3-1 on Saturday. And the best part was, it was a job well done at their (Spurs) own backyard. White Hart Lane is the other part of North London a.k.a the dumpsite of the Londoners. Its always sweet to beat the shit out of them.

On the local front today, our number one shuttler Lee Chong Wei showed his class by thumping Indon ace Taufik Hidayat in a nail-biting match that went right down to rubber game when Lee could have wrapped up the 2nd if not for his numerous mistakes. He had led by 6 at one point. It was a relieve to see him taking the final set to clinch the Men’s Single’s Japan Open title.

And to top it all off, Ferrari triumphed at Spa-Francochamp circuit by finishing 1-2 earlier tonight to the delight of Tifosis around the world, including yours truly.

So anyway, Those Spurs scum can eat my shit. Taufik, better luck next time and Hamilton, how about making a switch to Red Scarlet?

That’s all for today’s first and most probably the last sports round-up you’ll ever get to read here. I felt like writing something and I’ve got it done.



Akhir sekali, majulah sukan untuk aku.


Kita kembali ke studio bersama Hj. Hasbullah Awang.


Silakan Bul..!

First Time Tagged; The 5

I am so full I can barely walk…NOT!

Kahkahhh...

So anyway, I was tagged. By none other than the adorable Daphne Ling herself.

I always thought that this business of tagging other people is kind of gay but this being my first time, and the fact that Daphne actually had me in her mind while tagging, I’m giving this a go. Should be fun right?

Ok, lets see. Here we go.


5 Things In My Handbag (in this case my waist bag I believe)

1) Tissue papers
2) Cannabis
3) Walther P99 semiautomatic handgun
4) C-4
5) Used cotton buds

some are imaginary items, like the 1st one.


5 Things In My Wallet

1) My OKU green card
2) RM17
3) Discount cards
4) Membership cards
5) Pictures of my lovely girlfriend


5 Favourite Things In My Favourite Room (my bedroom)

1) My blue wheelchair
2) My yellow wheelchair
3) Complete collection of Rancid records
4) The mosquito-trap
5) Britney Spears’ blow-up doll


5 Things I Would Like To Do

1) Taking a long dump
2) Helping myself to a tub of ice-cream
3) Meet Dr M, just like Daphne
4) Get a life
5) Tighten-up my yellow wheelchair’s footrest


5 Things I'm Currently Doing

1) Contemplating about taking a long dump
2) Sms-ing to someone
3) Thinking of something to write for this one
4) Munching on a kuih which I have no idea what’s it called
5) Thinking of 5 other people to tag

Hey, what do you know, that was quite fun after all. Now my turn to tag 5 of my blogger friends and turn them queer.

LRC
Tokasid
Xman
Shar101
Raden Galoh

Not very sure if any one of them has been tagged but its part of the game to tag 5 others and i've done my part.

So I’m off, to the bathroom.

The Great Month is Here Again

I cant really imagine how life would be like without an internet. I had a preview of it and it wasn’t pretty. The modem was acting up on me just when I thought I’ve got all things prepared and covered before going into the month of Ramadhan.

Called up Tmnet hotline number and as usual was told action will only be taken within 24-48 working hours. I can never understand this procedure really. 24 working hours?

Lets say the average Joe works from 8am to 5pm. That’s 9 boring hours. Times 2 days, equals 18 hours, plus 6 remaining hours, totaled up to 24 hours. So if it takes 48 hours just to get the stupid modem fixed, in other words, are they saying I have to endure more than 5 days (48 hours) of internet-less life? Unthinkable.

I did the next best thing. Phoned directly the brader telekom who handles the area and things were all back in order within minutes.

So anyway Ramadhan is just a day away. I have stocked up DVDs for the whole month’s day-use. I can foresee my days will be just like any other, only minus the morning puffs, lunch and the daily-sent smut pics of busty pin-up chicks in my inbox of course. So no Janine Lindemulder for a while.

I was employed by my best friend to take care of all the letters and utilities when he left for abroad recently. The good thing about it is I can still enjoy the comfort of my room while most have to get ready for work after sahur. And the best thing is I get to sleep in the afternoon right up until a few minutes before Buka, with enough time to do my Asar prayer. This life is such a goody-bag.

Buka Puasa invitations have been pouring in but unless they can promise Meehoon will not be in the menu, I shall skip all.

I mean, how about serving us kari kepala kambing or something exotic like that? Ok I was exaggerating. But a 2-full plate of rice is a must-have. There, I’m not a fussy-pot.

Literati’s waiting. I’m off.

Salam Ramadhan, fellas.

And to all my lovely non-malay friends, errm... Salam Mesra.

-----------------------------------------

This is not an update but something like that postscript thing (P.S);

I received my first salary last week and treated myself silly over the weekend. I also bought a compilation of Thai Pop Hits CD. I wonder if anyone here is a Thai Pop fan, I'm looking for a lyric for one of their evergreen tracks (no, not that Linka pan song). Anyone?

Yes, I have a weird taste in music.

Budget 2008...another yawn!

Budget 2008 update.

Woohoo! Contrary to what was written in this original post, apparently the gomen did not raise taxes on alcohol and cigarettes. Not that I care about the former anyway.

And no, I didn’t sit through the whole tabling but I was ecstatic when my wheelchair comrade from Melaka sent an sms to inform me they are increasing the Elaun Perkerja Cacat (EPC) from RM200 to RM300 monthly. A spanking RM100 increment. Good news galore!

Personally I think this year’s ‘Bajet’ is good enough to win my vote. BUT, fat chance, fellas. The anarchism in me is still very thick. I shall remain a non-voter and refrain from casting my valuable vote.

Thanks anyway.

The original post.

So the Budget is here again. Seriously, what else is new about this whole budget thing? Its too predictable and if I were in the Dewan I’d fell asleep.

I bet you we’ll hear the much-anticipated increment on sin taxes to the applaud of everyone present, including from the same YBs who smokes and drinks, immediately after the announcement.

Then you’ll get the usual “this year's budget is a gift for the rakyat. Its people friendly and blablabla shit”. Only this time around it is called the Merdeka Gift.

Sure.

Haven’t we heard all that before?

How about this for a fresh idea. Increase on OKU’s allowance up to 50%. After all, you guys are supposed to be generous. So what is there for a lousy 50% from your part? Tax increment on the alcohol can be channeled to JKM, in line with government’s campaign in promoting a healthy lifestyle.

I may have to fork out a few more sens on cigarettes but apart from that, I don’t see any point to be glued in front of the tele witnessing the whole sitting.

Its boring.

Perihal Filem Melayu

Everything seems a little quiet for the past couple of days so I thought I’d post on something light just to get the feel back, cruising on fifth gear.

I received quite an interesting email the other day and since I don’t have a shit to write about, this should be an interesting reading worth pondering upon. Some non-malay friends may not be able to relate anything on this one. My apology but I’ve just got to share it. I had wanted to translate the whole excerpt but cant seem to find the right word for some of it. I mean, how do one translate cinta 4 segi into english? err...orgy?

So anyway, I am not a movie critic. And its very unusual of me having a dig on something petty as this but this particular email has substance in its contents. Malay film and dramas are so typically predictable. The reasons are as followed somewhere below.

I find it so true and hilarious at the same time that I LOL, ROFL, LMFHO, you name it. I was laughing my head off that I almost pooped on my wheelchair. Read on. Be the judge and decide on the verdict yourself.

All rise, aaannnndddddd…I’m outta here. Have fun reading.


(these are the exact words from the sender)


Perihal Filem dan Drama Melayu.

1. 80% jalan cerita berkisar tentang;

a. Cinta

b. Cinta 3 segi

c. Cinta 4 segi

d. Anak-anak rebut harta pusaka.

e. kalau keluarga kaya, anak2 rebut sapa nak gantikan Tan Sri (ayah) jadi pengerusi, CEO atau presiden syarikat.



2. Walaupun cerita pasal awek kilang, rumah awek kilang ni mesti complete furnished. Ada TV 29", Home Theater, peti sejuk besar, set sofa mewah. (Director tak buat homework ke? Pegi la tengok umah awek kilang kat sungai way tu).



3. Cerita polis lak, dialah pegawai penyiasat, dialah jadi forensic, dialah jadi pathologist, dialah yang gi ambush. Semuanya DIA yang buat. Polis lak dialog pakai bahasa buku. "Saya rasa kita patut siasat dengan lebih terperinci tuan". "Betul cadangan awak tu. Kita bertindak sekarang".



4. Kalu cerita pasal construction, bawak satu pelan gulung, pakai topi KUNING. tunjuk-tunjuk kat bangunan tengah buat, discuss dengan 'kepala' indon komplen kenapa projek lambat siap kat indon tadi. (topi kuning untuk pekerja buruh la bang ).



5. Adegan doktor kat wad check pesakit. Ambil fail hujung katil. Selak selak. Dialog wajib: "kesihatan awak bertambah baik. banyakkan berehat dan jangan lupa makan ubat". (woi bang, tengokla cerita ER tu, Dr ada medical terms dia).



6. Adegan kat rumah. Ayah mesti tengah baca paper. Mak mesti tengah menjahit atau lipat baju. Orang gaji tengah basuh pinggan. Orang gaji nama dia mesti mak Nab atau Mak Jah.



7. Nak panjangkan rakaman filem mesti ada adegan kereta sampai kat rumah, bukak pintu kereta, bukak pintu pagar, masuk balik kereta, drive masuk.

I rest my case.

The Aftermath

You know, there was this one article I wrote right after watching the Merdeka Parade on tele that morning and wanted to get it posted immediately. But I decided against the idea as it may (mis) lead people to think I’m against the present ‘gomen’.

Here's a glimpse. I actually took a potshot at someone high-up, which is very unlike the adorable Kerp that we all loved.

The thing is, not that I’m the coward blogger that one of the ministers were referring to some weeks back. Its purely my mom, the real deal governor, my government of the day. She was so against me writing anything political in the lights of cases involving Rocky, Jeff and most recently, RPK, for fear I may end up in Kamunting or something.

To her, being IT illiterate, blogging is all about politics and taking a swipe at politicians. Couldn’t blame her. I mean, who wouldn’t?

Yes, I mean, who wouldn’t want to take part at having a dig at them. buuuttttt, being a filial son that I have always been, I’ll play it safe and write on something boring instead.

But I can assure you it wont be as boring as a long, dull speech.

Oops.

Moving along, the long-break Merdeka weekend was quite eventful for me even without having to join other wheelchair lads in Putrajaya witnessing the colourful fireworks display. Lets just say me and my girl had some fun too, without me revealing much about our little escapade of course. Hey, nothing hanky panky ever took place, so you can chuck it far, far away, whatever that little naughty thought you have out of your filthy mind.

One thing that I found harder to get it out of my head was this year’s merdeka theme song. The one that goes ‘Malaysiaku Gemilang…Merdekanya Terbilang’. Yea, that number. Lyrically though, I could only remember that part. Not bad I say. With the marching tune, it adds some of the catchy-ness to it. So kudos to whoever the composer is. Wah Idris, was it?

Still on the same note, nothing beats that song Setia, from cant remember which Merdeka year it was themed for but it was very ear-catching that even dumb students like me did not face much problem in memorizing the lyric back then. Singer Frencesca Peters had the honour to do the song officially. She was like the Siti Nurhaliza of the 80s, minus the Datuk, of course.

So anyway, the long weekend is over and everyone will have to get back to their boring life, busting their asses off. And to those participating in conferences here and there, my heart goes out to you,…

…another long speech to endure.

Yaaaawwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.