Thursday, September 6, 2007

Perihal Filem Melayu

Everything seems a little quiet for the past couple of days so I thought I’d post on something light just to get the feel back, cruising on fifth gear.

I received quite an interesting email the other day and since I don’t have a shit to write about, this should be an interesting reading worth pondering upon. Some non-malay friends may not be able to relate anything on this one. My apology but I’ve just got to share it. I had wanted to translate the whole excerpt but cant seem to find the right word for some of it. I mean, how do one translate cinta 4 segi into english? err...orgy?

So anyway, I am not a movie critic. And its very unusual of me having a dig on something petty as this but this particular email has substance in its contents. Malay film and dramas are so typically predictable. The reasons are as followed somewhere below.

I find it so true and hilarious at the same time that I LOL, ROFL, LMFHO, you name it. I was laughing my head off that I almost pooped on my wheelchair. Read on. Be the judge and decide on the verdict yourself.

All rise, aaannnndddddd…I’m outta here. Have fun reading.


(these are the exact words from the sender)


Perihal Filem dan Drama Melayu.

1. 80% jalan cerita berkisar tentang;

a. Cinta

b. Cinta 3 segi

c. Cinta 4 segi

d. Anak-anak rebut harta pusaka.

e. kalau keluarga kaya, anak2 rebut sapa nak gantikan Tan Sri (ayah) jadi pengerusi, CEO atau presiden syarikat.



2. Walaupun cerita pasal awek kilang, rumah awek kilang ni mesti complete furnished. Ada TV 29", Home Theater, peti sejuk besar, set sofa mewah. (Director tak buat homework ke? Pegi la tengok umah awek kilang kat sungai way tu).



3. Cerita polis lak, dialah pegawai penyiasat, dialah jadi forensic, dialah jadi pathologist, dialah yang gi ambush. Semuanya DIA yang buat. Polis lak dialog pakai bahasa buku. "Saya rasa kita patut siasat dengan lebih terperinci tuan". "Betul cadangan awak tu. Kita bertindak sekarang".



4. Kalu cerita pasal construction, bawak satu pelan gulung, pakai topi KUNING. tunjuk-tunjuk kat bangunan tengah buat, discuss dengan 'kepala' indon komplen kenapa projek lambat siap kat indon tadi. (topi kuning untuk pekerja buruh la bang ).



5. Adegan doktor kat wad check pesakit. Ambil fail hujung katil. Selak selak. Dialog wajib: "kesihatan awak bertambah baik. banyakkan berehat dan jangan lupa makan ubat". (woi bang, tengokla cerita ER tu, Dr ada medical terms dia).



6. Adegan kat rumah. Ayah mesti tengah baca paper. Mak mesti tengah menjahit atau lipat baju. Orang gaji tengah basuh pinggan. Orang gaji nama dia mesti mak Nab atau Mak Jah.



7. Nak panjangkan rakaman filem mesti ada adegan kereta sampai kat rumah, bukak pintu kereta, bukak pintu pagar, masuk balik kereta, drive masuk.

I rest my case.

19 comments:

PrincessJournals said...

hehe. betul tu. tapi citer hollywood pun apa kurangnya. esp kalau buat kat NY. kerja waitress and apt kat tengah2 bandar. orang gaji beribu2 pun tak tentu lagi dpt sewa kat tengah NY tu. unless sewa kat bad area lah. :P

Anonymous said...

Kerp,

Padanlah lama tak talipon, asyik tenguk cerita Melayu aje kerjanya....

Besuk : Sabtu ,boleh bangun lambat,yahooooo

Mystery sis

Nak Tak Nak said...

Bukan nak kutuk tapi I very seldom watch Malay Drama, why? (many are going to hate me for this) no class.

If you want to preach, do it subtly. Imagine police officers talking. "Tuan saya rasa, ini adalah perbuatan mereka yang tak bertanggungjawab" Of course la kalau bertanggungjawab takkan buat macam tu.

azyze gomez said...

Nak tambah lagi sikit:

1. Walaupun waktu bergaduh bertumbuk dasyat, penjahat dan hero masih boleh main balas-balas skrip lagi. Siap bahasa baku :

A: "Kau takkan terlepas!"
B: "Sudahlah! Kau jangan bayak soal. Kalau kau mahu cuba bunuh aku, silakan!"

Siap cakap silakan lagi tu...



2. Kalau cerita ada gangster, bosnya mesti tak lupa cakap:
"Siapa yang boleh tangkap aku? Ini Sting lah, Sting!"


3. Bila hero frust dengan heroin, mesti scene duduk termenung di atas bukit.

4. BIla aksi bercinta mesti pergi shopping-shopping. Agaknya orang kita memang suka membeli bila bercinta tak... (patutlah sale banyak)


5. Kalau watak Datuk berkarisma tapi gatal, mesti Jalaludin Hassan yang jadi pelakonnya. Hahaha ;p

Raden Galoh said...

Kerp...

Hahahaha...Hahahaha...Muahahahaha..

Oppss..I'm having fun reading this post. Really, I don't really pay attention to all these details..maybe because I also hardly watch a malay movie/drama...not to declare that I'm anti-malay movie/drama but most of the time I found the plot is not strong, couldn't grasp the message...

I still love watching Tan Sri P. Ramlee's movies...

Tu if watak warak sure M. Rajoli...hehehehe...

Pi Bani said...

And kalau cerita orang korporat-korporat ni, rumah dia paling koman pun mesti ada swimming pool tau! Takde swimming pool tak sah...

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

PJ aka (kak?) Farina,

Ni mesti influenced by Maid In Manhattan ni. Hihi…but I hv seen a few where the not-so-well to do lives in the other side of new york. Places like catskill and Compton. Besides, tgk la standard of living between the 2 countries. Bukan la nak mengutuk awek kilang but how cld one afford a home system? Kurang masuk akal sikit la..

Akak mystery,

Banyak buat keje la akak. Besides I only hv time for tv during the wee hours of the day. are u done with ur meeting? Jgn ponteng, boss marah.

Cikgu,

I’m totally with u. not gonna say it, good enough u’ve already mentioned it. I seriously think our producers shld buck up.

Contoh yg cikgu bagi tu is one fine example. Classic punya script. But hilarious, no less.

Azyze,

Wahh..u can really out-do the original sender lar…haha…cant agree more with u on the last part. No doubt he’s a good actor but ask jallaludin how many times has he played a datuk character and his answer will be countless.

Kak Dalilah,

Unlike u, I do watch some malay dramas. Just to pass the time. So obviously I can relate to everything said in the email. And no, I know we’re not totally against malay films and drama but as I said earlier to cikgu nazir, the producer needs to get back to drawing board in order to pull in more viewers.

Eh, akak pon noticed abt watak warak…hahahhaha….


Since everyone has chipped in, lemme try a hand myself.

Errrm…how abt this, on tv the indon maids are all gorgeous which unfortunately, does not reflex the reality in most Malaysian household. Kahkahhhhhhh…

Thanks, guys.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

kak Pi,

there, another one to add. hahaha...i'm so glad im not alone on this one. maybe bcos yusof haslam punya prudction produce a lot of dramas, so in order to save cost, pakai je la banglo dia.

thanks for chippiing in...hhaha..

i just cant stop laughing can i?

Anonymous said...

wakakkakakkakkakak...lol,rolf,lmfho...dan yang sewaktu dengannya....

i was laughing my head off...really. who ever wrote that email actually done her/his homework more then the director himself. i mean bukan nak kutuk filem melayu babe, but memang betul......we are so typical when it comes to filem making larr...pastu bila dah menang arward, siap ader hati nak cakap "i dont really feel comfortable to talk in malay, so let me just babble in english..." (the dialog goes something like that larr....)

Puteri Gunung Ledang is very good by my oppinion, but sadly the director is a chinese guy....ironic since its a Malay epic......

oh well......reality bitesss!!!!!

not so anonymous - Dee

cakapaje said...

There was a time during what I would call the Malay Hongkong episodes, tongah haghi paneh paneh dok pakai full suit kek taman mano ontah! Apo cito mereka ni jang? :)

tokasid said...

Salam kerp:

Aduhai....bulls-eye panahan emel kawan hang tu.And what che'gu and a few others said pun betoi.

Se ingat aku yg aku tengok sejak 2 bulan lalu ialah Kembara:Seniman Jalanan.

Kadang2 tertemgok bila aku ke dapur, maid pasang. Tapi selalunya cerita indon le kat Astro.

Yg aku suka the few Yasmin Ahmad's film, the few Afdlin films, Suhaimi baba's and our fellow blogger sheih kickdefella's Persona Non Grata.

I wouldn't mind watching P Ramlee's comedies( sebelum dia mai KL) and rahim Razali's Mati seoarang Patriot and Pemburu.

I lebih suka tgk Discovery atau National Goeg dari tgk local productions.

Kalau arahan Rashid Sibir masa nak Raya, mesti Fauziah Nawi, Rosyam dan Jalil Hamid berlakon. Dan Fuaziah Nawi akan buat semua org sebak dada. Tunggulah raya tahun ni....

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Yo dee,

I’m beginning to recognize the person behind this not-so anonymity.

Soo…taking a swipe at cik pah nani I see eh? She can be excused bcos of her talent. And since sepet and PGL had this little rivalry going on between them back then, I skipped the latter totally. Kira I ni pro-Yasmin Ahmad la..hihi..

Cakapsaje bro,

Yang kelakarnya dekat taman tepi tasik.

Ei, ate…bior papa asal bergaye…ghimeh teman nengok. Hahaha..

Doc,

Saya tgk drama2 melayu kat tv doc. Takut la org lain salah paham pulak. Tu pasal saya boleh relate abis2 dgn email tu. Ada yg seronok layan. Cuma filem di layer perak je dah berkurun tak nengok.

Saya takde nak pilih kasih when it comes to the directors. If the movie sucks then it sure blows. Sepet was good but cant say the same thing abt gubra.

But I hv to agree with u on fauziah nawi. Her acting is good simply bcos most of her characters she does touches our heart.

As this moment I cant think of any actors naturally better than abu bakar omar. He’s the best in the business!


thanks guy!

Mior Azhar said...

Kerp bro,
Memang hillarious giler. Tergolek-golek gua gelak kat sini. And if I may, nak add sikit

kalau orang bercinta mesti nak gi tepi laut, larik-larik , simbah-simbah air laut. Kalau putus cinta pun mesti nak gi tepi laut, lepas tu menung-menung, melilih air mata. Lepas tu baca surat kat tepi laut... (dey org tak pakai surat lar ni, org text sajalah)

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

bg Mior,

ur free to add more than one. everybody did. and urs is a typical scene we usually get in dramas. nice one bro. thanks.

eh, lama tak nampak. ape cite labuan?

PrincessJournals said...

no need kakak-kakak lah kerp woi:P

im very choosy when it comes to malay drama/movie. yusuf haslam/erra/the-likes, i stay away fr like a virus. kalau erma fatima, most likely id watch. nothing beats the movie embun. the best so far. for me lah.

we watch a lot of movies here but most of them buat sakit hati until last night we watched Bobby Z. if u havent seen it, do watch. its a very entertaining movie without the typical hollywood twist-turn-twist-turn again.

muteaudio said...

Kerp,
Filem/drama Melayu mesti ada scene makan. Kalau minum mesti Fresh Orange. Pas tu, dari mula sampai habis scene, air tu tak abis2. Ada kalanya, gelas yg nak abis tiba2 jadi penuh.

Samseng mesti pakai baju hitam. Rambut botak, rambut panjang atau rambut colourful.

Kalau yg baik tu, mesti baik sangat. Sampai kawan berniat jahat berdiri depan mata pun masih dianggap baik. Ni habuan nak tarik cerita sampai 13 episod.

Satu lagi, location rumah kebanyakan hampir sama. I can hafal 8 rumah yg selalu guna utk location. Dulu diorang rajin shoot kat rumah Pak Ali (sebelum terbakar) kat Gombak.

Mengenai stereotype drama, kekadang producer takde pilihan. TV station specifically asked for certain type of story, particular actors and also directors. Tak percaya tengok SAMArinda (sebab tu guna perkataan SAMA kot). Org yg bikin skriputk SAMArinda pun org2 yg sama. MOst of the stories abt Malay corporate is to create impression to everyone esp the kampung folks that Malays are successful. This how people in KL live bla bla bla. Kekadang diberitahu "Buat apa tunjuk Melayu papa kedana kat tv? cerita mcm tu simpan utk raya"

So nak buat camne lagi? Sebab tu dah lama tak kerja dgn produksi drama Melayu.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Ok, PJ it is then,

Wahh..ni mesti erma’ biggest fan. U even praised embun, her sister was the main cast.

I looked up for bobby z and true what u said, even the actors are not so well-known.

Muteaudio,

Well said. If only I cld give more feedback on your take. I’ve got to ‘run’ but will definitely come back to give my 2 sens on ur comment. Thanks for dropping by anyway.

Hey, I really like ur profile la bro. very amusing. Will cross over soonest.

Nadia said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I so agree! I hate the typical Yusof Haslam movie and the likes. But the late P.Ramlee movies were great. Sampai sekarang tak jemu-jemu. :)

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Nadia,

Yo sis, maybe we cant blame yusof totally. He was a good actor actually, during his hey days. Blame on his production company for using the same ppl, same props, same crew and basically the same story line and audience gets crap as a result.