Monday, October 13, 2008

More about Kerp

Finally after a long absent it makes its round again and being a whore at it, it was only a matter of time before I am tagged. Thanks to Missy Constant Drama, the lady who passes the tag baton, now everybody will get to know me up-close and erotically personal. Ok maybe not that close but 15 random facts I’m required to reveal of myself, which can be pretty revealing too.

So here goes…

No 1. This has nothing to do with the latest move by a certain dumb state gomen but I’ve always wanted a federal Datukship. Not for the status but its monthly allowance.

No 2. I can wriggle both my ears but it never crossed me to join any freak shows nor political parties.

No 3. Contrary to popular belief, I only have 9 sexual fetishes instead of 10.

No 4. Once I spent a whole ill gotten RM150 on an Irish hat instead of food. I’m a Muslim!

No 5. I once killed a rabbit with a Thundercat sword.

No 6. I’ve never watched Titanic and am damn proud of it, man!.

No 7. I read one book per year because am already an accomplished smart ass.. S-m-r-t, smart!

No 8. Me was a closet Paul Gascoigne fan.

No 9. I can’t complete a day without a plate or 3 of plain rice.

No 10. Caught peeping once.

No 11. Trying to be less homophobic as possible.

No 12. During my earlier stage being a crippled dude, the sight of wheelchair disgusts me to bits.

No 13. I still have some soft spots reserved for Selangor football club.

No 14. I can still do this- *hand gesture*.

No 15. A big fan of Jackie Chan’s, which begs a question if he will ever conferred a Tan Sriship. He has after all, made more than one movie here.

There we have it. Any questions will not be entertained in public.

Now to pass it on-

Shah, you’re one. Cikgu nazir, Bala, you guys too. Farina, kak Pi, Anita akka, you’re it, ladies. Pak Zab, you’re it. Razlin, Dato Jaff, both It. DocTA, Jim Broga, Mad Salo, Elviza, all are it. Lim Kit Siang, you’re it. Khir Toyo, Husam Musa, it. Ir Nizar, Ali, Kayveas, it, it, it and it…fuck it, you’re all it.


changmoh said...

Hi Kerp,

My name is Lim Chang Moh, a former journalist of The Malay Mail. I saw my name mentioned in your blog by a 'fergie' who said I was "an old friend of the family".

I am curious to know who fergie is and wonder if you could help me trace her/him. I can be reached at Thanks for your help.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hi chang moh, thanks dropping by. will pass her email to you the soonest.

Zawi said...

You seems to be so angry today. I know you are angry when the expletives are not deleted.

cakapaje said...

Salam kerpie,

Huh? Hey! I did not read this! :)

Tinesh said...

now i feel erotically closer to you. im happy. caught peeping eh? kakakaka.

I killed a tortoise with the megapowersword from power rangers.

tokasid said...

Ahmad Kerpomovic:

Jacky Chan made the Police Story in Malaysia but did he get any Datuk title? Its actually a bit racist on Ali's part coz coz Ali and Shah Rukh Khan shared the same ancesteral land.

fergie said...

Hehe Kerp .. you deserve a Tunship la not a mere Datukship. Your name has "khan" or not? :)
BTW .. I c my good friend Lim Chang Moh has finally noticed me. You can give him (privately) my real name. I've known him since his schooldays hehe

Kata Tak Nak said...

So you have been caught peeping once eh? If wanna do somethin do it good my boy and don't ya never get caught doin it.

Well at least you got caught peepin, there's an asshole who was caught screwin by some damn cctvs and you don't need to peep him doin it anymore. I heard he performs a tiger show thrice a day at the PWTC.

Pi Bani said...

That's weird... I can't seem to read your last paragraph. Sampai situ je jadi blur, tak boleh baca...

mozisgod said...

tuan kerpaul de gazza,

I KNEW IT LAAA dei, deep within that kindred "barrelled" spirit of ours ( in echoey deep); within the recesses crystallized coral-like utterly mutual disdain and disgust across the park....admit it,
in one way or another
you gazzalova you!!! :)))

i know, i know no foobawl for 2 weeks kerp, sorry dei. couldn't help crining me belly due to acute pain, induced by churning laughagonysistys. heck, i couldn't get pass no.1 let alone number 8.
mwhahahahhaha - nice one dude!!!

p.s. if its any consolation, if it were a closet fan of any other ex-spurs players (which as of now, you are not tentatively disclosing), he'd be the best choice; fittingly snug. pardon the alcoholism though :(. In my list he's at no.3 though, after the charming "tottingham" strutting argie ossie at no.1 and hodthegod at no.2. sweet times that *sigh*

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Pak Z,

Even when I’m not angry, coarse language is pretty much in my daily vocab…hehehe…


Bro, the first person I had in mind to tag was you. Because you know la, I can always count on you!

T man,

That sounds erotically gay to me. And worse, you killed my favourite animal. You’re not just a cruel animal slayer, but a fag too.


Exactly my point, doc. Maybe Jackie does not appeal to the datins that he’s not duly given any recognition.

Aunty fergie!

Aww, reading your comments has always been delightful to me. Datukship for fergie!

Ok, I will email mr Lim chang moh right this very minute.


Hehe…I wonder who this asshole was. But there are some assholes in action who I’d rather not watch at all for free, let alone going through the trouble of peeping.

Kak Pi!

Muahahaha…teruk la korang ni. You can always do it when there’s no entry to post. Its fun to do it I swear.

mozisgod said...

AD: see no. 8!!! kerp, can just imagine the shock horror on bala's face mwahhahahahha

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Mozz deii,

Muahahaha…I knew you’d make a meal out of this. Ok, give it to me man…muahahahah…

It was purely football la macha. We saw something special in him, until ofcos, he decided to ply his trade at the wrong side of north London…muahahaha…

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

pundek la mozz, why dont you go give them a shout @ffs...better like that la dei...hehehheheheheee....

anfield devotee said...

"No 11. Trying to be less homophobic as possible."

Then see:
"T man,

That sounds erotically gay to me. And worse, you killed my favourite animal. You’re not just a cruel animal slayer, but a fag too."

Er, Kerpie, me thinks you calling Tinesh "a fag" shows how far off you are from objective no11 . . .

Jon-C said...

Kerp dude, i'm still rubbing my eyes in disbelief after reading ya list. Wahahahaha.

Anonymous said...

tuan kerpaul de gazza,

mwahhahahhahahhaha. ohhh alrighttt you wet blanket linus :)) won't make a meal out of it. as you had rightly put it, credit goes to where it rightly deserves. i could go on and hail some ol gooner greats. but then again, i would have to decide it first won't i?

*moz ducks to avoid fully loaded winston fagbox to laptop screen and blethering spittles of insults* mwahahhahaa. oh okay..okay, what the hay, one of me fav backs of all time (no, not siol campbell la..) - viv anderson. what a beladhi player man.

cheers mate. see ya friday, we'll get "unbound" together..erk..that sounded squirminlgy gay.

p.s. writing very chedet-ish ha i see..mwahhahahhahha

Tinesh said...

I knew you gonna call me a fag. And like Bala said, you're goin back on ur words muahahha!!! im evil like that :D

cakapaje said...

kerpie bro,


Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Bala Ji,

Errr…ermm…well…err,…ok that’s it, you’re gay too.


Ok that’s it, you’re tagged too. I’m serious, it would be fun. You can come up with all sorts of answer. Get it done, man.


Viv Anderson, and that’s it. yeaa right! How about frank stapleton before he decided to switch to ManU? Or bobby pires? Come on, Henry should be in the list too…muahahahaa…

· These point-by-point entries was just a co-incident je la dei


Ok, you asked for it, here goes- you’re more gay than Elton john.


I knew I can count on you boss. Thanks.

Tinesh said...

And you're as gay as George Michael. What more with a male stalker :D

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

ok everybody all together now...



senorita.. said...

hey....... u shud tag me!! i can always come up with another 15 u know... :P nah,just kidding.

tell us more abt the peeping. were u 10? muahahhaha

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Miss Lim,

Lips sealed. Any questions can only be entertained in private. This is a public forum mind you… ;))

tokasid said...


I have done my part as requested.

Jon-C said...

Done with me list mate! Warning.... it'll be less interesting than yours and definitely not as scandalous as ms. senorita's. Wahahahaha!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

DocTA and Jonny,

thanks guys. will cross over in a bit.

Pi Bani said...

OK lah, mine will be up tomorrow morning.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Hahahaha!! Who the hell were you peeping on when you got caught?!!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

kak Pi,

thanks. looking forward to reading yours. kasi panas sikit...hehehe...


as i told missy senorita, any question regarding those facts will not be entertained in public!

Azian Hasan said...

Really a datuk ada allowance? My I also want one lah but Tan Sri better kot right? Higher allowance, no?

One revealing fact about me... never ever watched all Datuk Yusof Haslam movies... and proud of it! (not even on telly during Raya)

wanshana said...


BRAVO (?!) for No. 4! Hahaha! Penting tu - tak jadi darah daging :)

(Tapi, you tak dapat migraine ke everytime you wear that haram Irish hat?!)

Daphne Ling said...


Some things are best left unknown...Like "caught peeping"...

Or rabbit killing...

You're not meeting my animals!!! ;)

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

kak yan!

Really. that’s what I heard. But only federal datukship.

*just fyi akak, Awie today is a much different and polished of an actor compared to his Sembilu days.

Kak shana,

Yup, that’s the main reason. I know betting is wrong, but wouldn’t want to double up the sin…hehe…


Yea but I can be quite daring at times. But the killing of that poor bunny, it happened when I was barely 7 la sister…

Salt N Turmeric said...

im just a boring person now tht my list would put u to sleep after no.3.
1. I made kuah kacang and freeze them.
2. Then I made pajeri nenas whc i also freeze.
3. I then made beef rendang whc i just put in the freezer.
4. I finally made my black pepper beef liver whc has yet to be put in the freezer.
5. Iv got 5 more things to make for my open hse this Sunday.
6. Hearing Palin's voice makes me wanna bitch-slap her.

So now you know all about me. :P

mott said...


NO.14 is damn 9 funny!!!!

I'm literally rolling on the floor!

akuani said...

do I really have to do this one Kerpie???

**isk people be scared shits of me after this and me "doe eyed' look ain't going to work no more!!**

Let me gather the nerve to right 15 straight from the heart bits about akka

Malaysian Tigress said...

You said"fuck" to Husam Musa???

You evil paraplegic!

Kah kah kah....

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


That’s more like getting to know about your day prior to a busy open house ahead…muahaha…


What do you think I was doing? ;)

Akka ani,

You did. And I thank you for that. it was pretty much I had expected of you as a person in fact…

Moi sister!

It was meant for lim kit siang and khir toyo. Nanti org kata bias plak…

*it was so sweet of mekyam to drop by and do an explanation from her part. Dah la, I’m easily convinced la…hehehe

akuani said...

well kerpie - we're still waiting for someone to organise the makan makan - get fed up - let's teh tarik first ok ..

let akka know :)) since my leaky car is now under observation, driving in the rain is a must :)) hahahaha