Monday, April 7, 2008

Piggy Bank

Monday and shit with all the blues aside, I was so looking forward to get the week started. Only for one reason; To open a bank account and get it done and over with. It has really been acting like a beruk makyeh on my back and if I don’t settle this shit by the end of the week, I might end up in a nuthouse or something.

But fucking hell is awaiting. I’ve said it before and gonna say it again. This one bank sucks. The nearest branch is like a thousand kilometers away and typical of local shop-houses, the premise is wheelchair-unfriendly.

And the best part is, THE JKM, yes, THE JABATAN KEBAJIKAN MASYARAKAT, the government body that handles the local crips just had to choose Bank Pertanian of all the banks available here in Malaysia.

Didn’t it cross their mind this move might in some ways cause some inconvenience especially to those gimps on wheelchair to do their banking business manually?

Haven’t they heard of online banking? Cant they just appoint Maybank instead to ease some of the transaction business between the gomen and the recipients?

I’m a crippled and I sure can do a lot with the working allowance. That oughtta reduce some of my work-related burden. Need those money to get some imported CDs that I’ve been eyeing for millenniums now. Need those money to dine at Chili’s weekly. Gotta ditch cheap brands for some Monte Cristos, no less. Need those money to be seen with the rich bastards who owns a unit or two in Damansara area. Sebut betul-betul guys…Damanserra.

Gotta have the money to buy me a slot of appointment with Tony Fernandez.

So gimme, gimme…fly me to Emirates, The.

Ok seriously.

Some people have this crazy idea that I’m a stinking rich man sitting on his ass all day. That’s only half the truth.

I’m not a politician, obviously I’m not a millionaire.


blackpurple @ jowopinter said...

Heran tenan wak. Akeh-akeh bank kok Bank Pertanian seng dipilih yo. Embuhla kang. Wak ora reti arek komen opo maneh.


Pi Bani said...

Ahh, the bank account...

I remember Fuzi who already had a BSN account was asked to open a CIMB (BCB then) account to enable them to bank in the monthly aid. They never did bank in the money into that account - giving all sorts of excuses. Next thing, pass to another officer, she was asked to open a Maybank account le pulak.

Menyusahkan orang betul!

I wonder if JKM stands for Jom Kerjakan Mereka...

wanshana said...

I tell you...those people ahhh, they get a kick out of making life difficult and miserable for all! Maybe they get bonuses depending on how many poor souls out there swearing at them? Sheeessshhh!!!

Anyway, hope you've got everything sorted now.

P/S : Sorry - couldn't make it for Saturday Kayu get-together. Change of plans : whole family started camping out at MO on Friday night!

anfield devotee said...

chill bro, at least Boro made sure you have everything to fight fer this weekend @ Old Toilet.

Might I humbly suggest you lot concentrate on winning the title & leave Europe to poor second rate teams like us?

Is that CD you been eyeing happen to be Warrant's Greatest Hits? Special edition with bonus tracks? He he

ps: Dapat cek, make sure belanja ah! Make mine a couple of String hoppers, me good man, served with a cup of cha . . . (with super stuff upper lip)

Anba said...

Brother Kerp,
Sorry fer hijackin this..i know this doesnt belong here..

Into the Wild (2007) is not an animated film..its directed by Sean Penn, music by Eddie Vedder and gang...acted by Emile Hirsch..based on a true story..i really enjoyed it..just thought you might as well...

Bro..Liverpool has won it 5 its ok fer them to give us a chance pulak rite..heheheh

Bro, by the way if you wanna see some pretty weird visuals from movies try typing in Holy Mountain in You Tube this movie is supposedly was John's Lennon fav movies...they have broken the movies into 12 parts each 10 mintues i know its a bit tedious do u watch the first part...
Have Fun...

Anonymous said...

oh crap, u went to bank pertanian to open a bank account? kesian u.

dont know why the gov agencies still nyusahkan org.

muteaudio said...

I think this bank dah tukar nama. Skrang dah panggil Agro Bank.

juande raMOZisgod said...

tuan kerpov,

bro. listen. wanted to email you. (yes, yes, you goonyboi youuuu). but my bloody i/explorer is hangginngggggggg like &%^^&#@@*@&@&($(#$*##*$(..
s-e-l-o-w. pertanian - yes agreed. memang palat. i tried looking up a 24-hour hot line to inquire on what can be arranged...
as expected - i tried the next logical thing..i tried their website...guess what?
i got some bleeping HTTP/error pantat. *sigh*

but i got this number - 03-2692 2033. From what i understand this is the KL HQ number.
ok here's what you probably need to do before you actually head in there..:-
1. call this buggers up if the abovementined number is not the that number and find out what is the HQ & where possible a direct extension to customer service? BEST THING - get a person's name (kalu awek..all the better.."memberansangkan"..mwahhahahahaaa)
2. call & explain to them:-
a)what you want do do;

b)where you are exactly located at - so that them buggers can tell you the nearest branch;

c) explain to them your circumstances - so that can take the "damn trouble" to tell you which is an OKU-friendly premise. Here's where you turn the screw..because if i'm not mistaken right dude...some banks actually come to you nowadays. NO JOKE. i hear CIMB has ventured into that kind of service;

d) also ask them what documents you need. check - call up another BPM branch & ask the GRO...isk isk...sorry sorry the CSO..customer service officer..(same je laying) or the current/savings account rep on the documentation you need to bring - this is to avoid them buggers from sending you back just because..yu..erhm. forgot bring..your thumb for your thumbprint..or some shite like that. ALSO leave you handphone number & follow-up if they don't call you back in-time; &

e)ok. let's say you found out what branch is nearest. AND its user friendly. and a lenggang branch. ( i think most BPM are lenggang ones) call that branch and make an appointment with them. with an individual.(bro advisable is BRANCH MANAGER. contrary to popular belief..they are actually accesible as the teller-clerk. and then you mintak ehsan baik dia). let them know you are serious and you don't want to wait in farkin queue.

my guess is you may have already done most of the above already as it is. the trick with these banks is to settle about 75% of shite through the phone first.

a real low n sick cheap trick that one of my mates always does is this...the dude always carries a camera along..those days..those auto-focus no lens olympus kinds...know the kind? he slings around his neck..and when he gets something done with someone of senior stature..he lets out a line...saying that he wants to take a picture with the dude..for kenang-kenangan..and that he has never met anyone in a bank/laundry shop/rumah tumpangan cum brothel that's been helpful..mind you although i dun agree with his methods..the dude manages somehow..somehow he's got a knack to "cataract" people's eyes..mwhahhaha..oh he also tips bell-hops and bartenders a hefty tip on the first occasions..hehehehe

i recommend yu get them to come to you la bro. bisa diatur. these buggers when want to collect moeny for your loan ah..sanggup to come and collect la macha. now what the hell you are giving them business what? give it a try first. just need to turn the screw tight. meanwhile let me find out from my mates kalu ade lubang-lubang lain orait.

oh yah one more thing
f) do not at all costs where a *ptuihptuihptuih* jersey or *ptuihptuihptuih* scarf into any bank...yu know them jerseys..the ones with the words "JVC" la..or "emirates" emblazoned on it.

i will keep you posted if i get any more salient points.

now, get you gooner arse going la dei..tunggu aperlagak mu..EPL winners 2007/08 medal ker?..(pssstt...seriously...i can't stand if man utd..wins..a-gain..the fans bro..alamak..the yuppie-fans...and, doesn't mean i want gooners to win either okay..

later dude.

p.s. sshhh...the "gelekking" is our secret ah..

cakapaje said...

Salam kerpie,

Damanserra...isn't that some hulu place where all the djinns go kicking?

lol! Chill out bro, you've got several YB's hearing you already. And you got that Eli's private number - not many do you know! Give her a call and ask her out. Then spill your beans with her...just your beans, you hear! lol!

After that, you, DocTA, Cikgu, muteaudio and that cakapaje fella can go for ayam golek halim - on you! :)

juande raMOZisgod said...

tuan kerpov,

more thing to add:-
if you can - please lie like fark to try and get them to come.
- i got no transport;
- no one to send me;
- i'm currently staying with my mom who is old already (aunty, very sorry)
- i would really really appreciate it very much with all my heart
- state that it's very difficult because their premises does not have ramps or not an OKU-friendly premises
- if the exec level staf jual mahal, request the above to the branch manager. if they can't come, they might offer some other compromise, which may lessen the hassle.

now, the abovementioned sample of of course..dependent on the matter of your principle.

unless, you're a slut like me with the question of principle being equivalent to that last drop of from the last can of beer that's about to tip me over to's a matter of principle.
don't prostitute yerself :))
(all spurs fans are sluts whatt..mwhahahahhaha)

there's a saying in tamil that goes something like this..if my translation is correct.."its okay to tell a thousand lies to get a marriage organized & done"...mwahhahaha...
my concept is is farkin okay to tell a gazillion lies to get people to do work that should
have been done in its entirety in the first place - i.e. to go that extra mile.

the no-lifer who is looking for the mosely-tape/video/mpeg pronot..jpeg pon jadilaa


Zawi said...

I am sorry for not being there when you need my help. Next time just send me a return plane ticket KBR-KUL-KBR(AirAsia will do) and I will be at your service.

juande raMOZisgod said...

tuan kerpov,

dunno whether this is one of any use case you havent ventured into it yet la

some stuff i got from my mates up here - hope its useful.

take care. and tear a spurs scarf today if you must - bound to make you at least feel like a million bucks jo.:))))

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Wak Purp,

Jap wak, arek kena boco alon-alon untuk faham…hehehe..

faham gak apa yg ditulis. Mmg tu yang aku kesal sngt tu. Branch yg paling dekat ada kat subang. Arek orak arek, terpaksa buat jugak wak….hehehehhe…

Kak Pi,

This is the typical red-tape that people been complaining about. What is so difficult to just bank in to the existence acc, no matter what bank it is. I suspect they have kow tim between both parties la. Macam mana teman tak metor? Jom Kerjakan Mereka!!!

Kak Shana,

Funny isnt it? and I thought this small allowance would help to ease some of my woes but no, its always a case of a little too good to be true.

Only to get it done tomorrow, IF, all can be settled in a day.

*there’ll always be another time, kak shana no worries. Between a lousy Kayu and THE Mandarin Oriental, no prize in guessing where I’d prefer to be at….hehehe


as I told anba, if only roon hadn’t equalize, I would sure to give some hope.

Arsenal’s season could abruptly end within this week itself. With the current available crop of players available, away wins both at anfield and OT seems very very unlikely.

But sure to meet up over some bbq boss. A bucket or 4 of string hoppers for dessert. Lets wait till the season ends first. Once the reality of another trophy-less season sinks in, we can chow down on more meat!

*The CD I meant was WARRANT’S Cherry Pie…hehhehehehe…


Haha…somehow I could sense something wasn’t right when I first read it. my niece been talking about The Wild, the animated version all week long!

Music by Eddie is good enough to convince me to check it out. may not be another Single but sure to look out for it on my next visit to ah king, the bespectacled peddler.

And will check out Holy Mountain too. if it was lennon’s favorite, then there must be something about the said movie. Thanks anba, you’ve been very informative la brother.

*buckle up man. this week could determine our fate this season. A make-or-break, win-or-bust. Our season could end by next week, regrettably.


Yo sis, belum gi lagi. Only tmorrow perhaps. Gotta do it and habiskan terus. Yang tak bestnya I depends on people to take me. leceh gila la…

Eh, why change blog again wei? Not that I nak boilot you of course..hehehe


Yo brother, that’s exactly what I thought. But apparently according to the website, the name still remain as BPM. Mana2lah. Just need to get it done and over with. Sucks.


Djinns go kicking= jin bertendang ke bro? hehehehhehehe….

Obviouslt I didn’t mean you, nor anyone who lives in and around the Kota/Mutiara/sri/ara damanserra. Not that you guys aren’t millionaires. Meant to those stuck-up yuppies who thinks damanserra is the ONLY happening place around ever.

Not gonna use and ultimately abuse my contacts as yet. I mean, wouldn’t want to bother YB Eli with trivial matters as this. gonna save it for the ramp woes.

*ni ayam golek ni has beginning to sound like some legend dah ni. Heard a lot about it from none other than MS. Just wondering, do they serve with white rice? Hehehe…

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


I can assure you I’ve all your feedback and assistance. Thank you so much my brother man. and as always, reading all them really amuses me to the bone…hehehehe

I did exactly as you suggested. went to their website and got hold the nearest branch’s address and phone number. What pisses me of was of all the branches available, only this particular branch that didn’t provide the manager’s name. what luck. Sucks.

And am gonna do as you suggested brother. gonna get one of them personnel to attend to me instead. That oughtta speed up the process. You, me, both genius…hehehehehe

I doubt I can ever thank you enough mozz..thank your buddy for me will ya?

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

yo mozz,

and will let you know how the outcome will be.

and for being such a great friend, i'll let you in on a secret thats been boiling to get out of me for ages now..


Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Pak Zawi,

No worries pak Z. I can manage, amid the tedious process, the hassle…I only need to whine through out just to let out some steam.

Wish you were with us last week. You know what, pak z, cikgu might, just might be coming down the next school holiday. The usual suspects are determined to at least have some teh tarik session together. I can assure you if you could make it all of us would be ecstatic. Better look up the calendar from now, sir.

Pokku said...

I have a copy of "Into The Wild" if you are interested.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Salam Pokku,

My apology sir but if you were referring to a non-fiction best-seller, then I may not be too keen. I am one of the dying breeds who does read much…hehe…

Thanks for dropping by, sir!

Daphne Ling said...

Hey D,

Haha...You're sitting on your ass all day...Sorry if that's unkind of me, but I was laughing my head off at that statement of yours =)

Anyway, I've given up trying to sign in...So I'm just gonna post as anon or something...

But when you get your piggy bank all properly set up, you know who to call to yamcha, ok? ;)

Hehe...Kidding ler...


Salt & Turmeric said...

Bank Pertanian???? Most ppl are using maybank and cimb since thery the 2 biggest bank in msia. kalau tak pun, bsn. i dont even remember seeing any bank pertanian's branch anywhere fr ampang to dSERRA.

constant drama said...

Goddamn, whoever decide on Bank Pertanian?

Bodoh nak mampus.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Yo D@anonymous,

You know, regrettably, that’s the truth half. If only the other half was the truth, I’d order tony Fernandez to take me to penang in his private jet for a yamcha or 2 in Singapore. Then drop me off before sending you right back to penang. You can drop some tapau food in ipoh as well. But if only laa…hehehe…

Salty Farina,

There you go. Nowadays its either maybank or cimb bank. But hell no, gotta be a bank that requires some bone-breaking task. This bank is so unknown I wasn’t aware of their re-branding exercise.

*met JT. Next up, you and aunt Rita. The American women!


Whoever that fella is, he sucks ass big time. gotta go through the notorious subang jaya traffic to reach the nearest branch…cibai betul.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Bank Pertanian? What for? Are they trying to get you to buy manure or what? Tell you what, you call up JKM and screw them up real good and say you don't want their money. Tell them to give the money to a teacher in Penang who needs it badly for his trip to Nandos. Now you do that and I'll save some fries for you.

Anonymous said...

kerp, memang bodoh la this people, takde bank lain ke? buat susah orang je, i think they live to torture OKU, not knowing the trouble my mom had to update her duit they insist that her book to be updated monthly and she had to show her face and IC every month..just to make sure she's alive, no joke OK but at least it's maybank. MKATE

waterlily said...

Kerpie Bro,
Masalah yang sama...sudah malas mau cerita. :(

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


Welcome back, sir.

Screwed them JKM fellas way before I applied for the EPC. Went ahead cos it has increased 50% this year. Nandos you say boss? You come down here and we’ll have all-you-can-eat at Chili’s, my treat.


For some consolation, at least they’re in a way reminding us there’s no such thing as easy-money. But at least for your mom, Maybank is practically available everywhere, right?

Kak Mar!

Ahh…ada jugak orang yg faham bulat2. teruk la diorang ni, kita yg cacat ni terpaksa harungi kesusahan lagi…penat la akak. Naik turun bank, pejabat JKM…hmmmm…mengeluh panjang saya hari ni kak….

Tinesh said...

Why name it Bank Pertanian when they also serve non-petanis..Weird..Anywayz all the best in getting hold of these flers..You know how this flers work la..

gooners are gonna work OT kat OT (pun intended haha)

Zabs said...

Salam Kerp,
Bank Pertanian???? Depa saja nak bagi susah, atau saja2 nak pekena hang supaya tolak duit tu? Cuba buka akaun di Maybank dan bagi no akaun itu supaya mereka masukkan ke sana.
Kalau mereka suruh juga hantar surat pada YB Eli, YB Izza ke, supaya diorang boleh buat bising sikit..

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


thanks bro. got through the whole process with some mental scars for rememberance.

*you guys can have it. aku dah campak tuala. season's over as far i'm concerned.

Waalaikumussalam Pak Zabs,

saya dah cuba cakap dengan diorang tapi tetap berkeras dgn bank ni. alhamdulillah dah selesai pon after going through some tedious process.

satu pengajaran buat saya jugak ni Pak Zab; there's no such thing as easy money after all.

thanks for dropping by, sir.