Friday, November 9, 2007

Of Myth and Cacat...and Turd.

All right. I think we’ve had enough of rock & roll stuff, for now at least. Let’s get into something less serious than that. Marriage.

Just the thought of it can be dreadful. Not that I have never wished to but as everyone may have figured by now, getting hitched is harder than I anticipated, especially when you’re a freakin’ cacat on a freakin’ wheelchair, as I found out apparently.

It’s that age-old myth, you know. The rural myth, where guys on wheelchair are as good as mentally-retarded and better off to be left in the desert waiting for vultures to have a meal out of our useless limbs, or something like that. This, should have been buried deep like decades ago. I mean, to think that one’s brain is situated somewhere along the thoracic spine, now that’s real cacat for you.

So anyway, somebody told me that marriage isn’t always a bed of roses and blabla and all the garbage. Tell me something new. But what makes people think marrying a crippled will only result in misery while marrying able-bodied men promises eternal bliss for the bride-to-be? Another stinking myth that should have been long flushed down the sewage system, let it rot and remain there together with other shit.

Not that I’m pointing fingers at anyone in particular but if only they, whoever hay they are, care to listen, that ought to pave some ways and perhaps something rational would come out of it.

Its just a typical discrimination thing you know.. To them, being confined in a wheelchair can only mean that fella is a gone case.

Didn’t it ever cross their mind that an able-bodied husband is capable to suddenly turn violent and start to kick, punch-drunk and flying head-butt the hell out of his wife’s poor ass? This may be an isolated case but still the possibility is there. I sure have heard it before somewhere. Oh, and what do you know, that really happens in our supposedly caring society and not just some great-grandmother’s mythical tale.

Somebody should be thankful if I were their son-in-law. I mean, hey, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I cant kick, I’m not KJ and I don’t go screwing around. In fact, I have tons of love to offer. And on top of that I don’t sit around begging for money and food.

In terms of procreation, what makes one think I cant get a boner? There you go. Another sewer-material myth. It could happen to even a healthy young man. Lets put it this way without elaborating much. On my wedding night, I know I’ll screw up and proud of it.

I have never asked for sympathy from anyone but I’ll make this an exception. We’ve been together for almost a decade and the only obstacle comes from someone dearly to her. I beg them to give just that little bit of sympathy that’s still left in them.

I need solution and I need it fast. Eloping with some dopes in the trunk is totally out of the question. To us, marriage is still about happiness, albeit the not always a bed of roses thing. We’re looking at something of a long-term commitment and to go behind the back of those who are concerned just for instant happiness is unthinkable.


Not quite sure if this would work because all these while I doubted about his existence. Never crossed my mind I’d turn to him when i'm down and in need. But in these trying, tight situation, desperate times call for desperate measures. So if you can hear this from wherever you are…

Please save our soul, Superman!


cakapaje said...

Salam bro,

I hear you, and I feel you. The only thing I can tell you is, talk to Allah s.w.t. By that I mean, when you pray and especially make this special do'a, imagine you are in sujud with Allah in front of you. Though we hear, we feel and we wish we can help, truth is none of us can except He who is the Almighty. Perhaps Doc may know some do'as...

waterlily said...

"Somebody should be thankful if I were their son-in-law. I mean, hey, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I cant kick, I’m not KJ and I don’t go screwing around. In fact, I have tons of love to offer. And on top of that I don’t sit around begging for money and food"

Salam bro,
Inilah ayat yang paling menyentuh hati - my mother in law also didn't accepted me as her "menantu" at the first time but my hubby sangat degil orangnya. Dia tetap dengan pendiriannya. He wants to marry me. Now she love me. Mungkin dia telah terfikir sesuatu - Hopefully Allah will accept your doa- your will....

Kata Tak Nak said...

Whatever anyone says will not help. If I were to say be patient would it help? If I were to say bila ada jodoh jadi lah, will it help? So, you are left to your devices. Try all you can and never give up. Fuck all those who think a cripple is not much of a man.
Never give up.

Bailey said...

i feel you bro.

remember i told u abt a guy friend of mine yg ada brain tumor, now that he's blind and independant enough to live his life.

he was my boyfriend, but our relationship ended on some circumstances. bukan sebab he's blind that i pushed him away. adalah ceritanya. but we still keep in touch.

u know, i'd rather be with him sampai mati, rather than my able bodied boyfriends because they sucks big time. because they only judged me physically. the blind guy judged me beyond my fat body.

i still love him until now.

i agree with kata tak nak. fuck to those who think a cripple is not much of a man.

jangan rasa rendah diri aight.

Mior Azhar said...

It's really sad that there are still people like that today. People that matters to you and her. I feel fr you... but this cubaan and dugaan... berdoa and InsyaAllah, they'll come around. Hang in There!

acciaccatura said...

salam kerp,
nobody's perfectlah kerp. walaupun keadaan fizikal sesorang sempurna, dia masih ada kekurangan. masalahnya bila seseorang tu tak perasan kat mana kurang, then how improve.
lepas dah usaha, tawaqal saje kerp. Allah Taala lebih tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita.

PrincessJournals said...

kerp dearie, marriage is abt compromising. dont hear wht other ppl tell u sbb yg penting ur honey loves u.

p.s. i so like the, "im not kj". classic! hehehe

shar101 said...

Yo Kerp,

I'm able-bodied (but not as springy like before, K) and still messed up with the marital thingy.

Took quite a while to get my marbles back together.

Still have this inclination towards marrying a non-malay though, and unjustified rejection is foremost in my mind yet again.

Who knows. Maybe I'll meet THE ONE at the Bersih Walk, eh bro.

constant_drama said...

I'm not good with advices so I usually just fall back on giving people cupcakes and hugs. On that note...I really wanna feed you cupcakes and give you hugs now after reading your post.

BigDogDotCom said...


Let me share you a story about my life. December 2005, I was diagnosed with ascites, a condition where my abdominal cavities retained water and I started to bloat. The physicians said my liver started to shrunk and I showed early signs of liver cirrhosis.

The ascites made my life near unbearable. I can't even walk to the bathroom from my bed (hardly ten steps away), without panting. I can't even get some sleep because the ascites was pressing against my diaphragm, that I can hardly breathe. For almost two weeks, I did not get any decent sleep. I actually got some sleep by sleeping upright on an armchair (until present its a permanent feature in my bedroom!).

I thought I was going to die. Really! In many cases, liver cirrhosis patients die. At 9, I was crying all by myself thinking about Aishah no longer having a father. What made it worse, I was an immobile state that I am 'technically' a 'cripple', even though all my limbs were functional.

All changed now. It wasn't an easy two years, with so many challenges. I lost my job, none of my business deals followed through and so much complications I need to weather.

By God al Mighty's grace, I am still here. Now weighing 55 kg lesser, feeling much healthier, physically much fitter. Liver cirrhosis means its a death sentence. This is God's answer to my prayers. Of course, my parents' as well.

All these are God's tests to his hamba. Some ppl tells me God test us in ways because we can withstand the tests.

Never complain for all the shortcoming in life we had to weather. Always syukur for what ever nikmat God has presented us. At least you had the nikmat of being loved, by at least your family and friends. To be able to read this posting is a nikmat itself.

May Allah s.w.t. bless you for the test you are made to go through in life. There is a hikmah for what you are made to be.

IBU said...

Salam Kerp,

You are not KJ?!!! Hey.... That's good enough a reason for all parents-in-law to celebrate!! Hehe....

On a serious note, there is no such hindrance for you to get married from the point of 'syarat2 sah berkahwin'. Kan?

Anyway, wise of you not to make that hasty decision of eloping.

I'm not going to give a mushy-mushy advice. Listen! Action speaks louder than words. Learn and try how to 'ambil hati' her family. Seek first to understand - then to be understood. What exactly are their fears & worries? Why? Then show some proof that you can achieve otherwise.

Remember - the onus is on you to influence positively to achieve the desired approvals. Words only count for less than 20% in any effect of communication. The rest are in the choice of words, tones, body language, and the very actions that exemplify your words truly. Continue to sow the seeds, don't expect confidence to grow overnight like taugeh.

Last but not least, jangan lupa pasang cable ye? i.e Panjat kan doa2 after every prayer. Especially those prayers that can help 'melembutkan' hati manusia.

Until next time ... don't slouch... daaaaa......

sankochan said...

while I was working at a clothes shop in Gurney... There was this couple, mat salleh, very very old la~ The wife was on a wheel chair and her husband push her and they were SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO loving....

They call each other, "darling, does this look ok on me?" and so....

Sniff~~ sniff~~ THAT is love regardless of disability. Especially when they have been together until so old like that through everything....

I WANT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem~~ anyway... yea my point is...

My point is!!!!

You get the point @_@

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Woow, I didn’t expect to receive such wonderful response from you wonderful people, each and every single one of YOU.

Brader shah,

Its good enough to have your ears and your thoughts. Doa has been practically non-stop but I know quitting will only make things worse. I hear you, and this is not ‘Talk Only’!

Kak Mariannie,

You’re the right person who can actually empathize. You went through the same so you know shitty it felt. Only difference is I have yet to cross over the final hurdle, which is humongous. But I’ll manage, hopefully. insyaAllah.


Yeah man. Its always the case of easier to say than to get the shit done. my will is my only weapon. Rest assured, as long I have my will to wheel, I’m marching on.


Hey sis, yea the guy whom I had some similarity. You too, can actually empathize with what I’m going through. Too bad our hearts cant be seen by others, kan? Things could have turned out better.

Bg mior,

Yes la bro. it’s an ugly truth. Whats even worse is they’re dearly to her. I’m not quitting, and doa shall be my only weapon of strength.

Kak E,

Masalah orang kita dioang hanya nampak kecacatan dari segi fizikal. Kebijaksanaan dari segi mental selalu terlepas pandang. Mungkin lumrah la, kan? Nak buat camna. Mcm saya kata tadi, doa saje lah sebagai bekalan utk kekuatan.


I wish I could just tell some people to go fly a kite but these people are somebody dearly to her. Its impossible to ditch them off. But I get your drill, sistah. I’m glad my honey loves me, perhaps that the only thing should matter, kan?

Shar OBE bro,

Thanks for crossing over man. i guess we all have our own shit to clean up in our respective backyards huh. Being in different situation, we both have nothing to lose do we? there will come a day when either I’ll make or break it. that would be my life’s turning point.

* THE ONE at dataran? You better make sure your Peaches honey-bunch doesn’t read this mann…haha

constant drama,

hey sistah. Forget the advice. I’ll take the cupcakes and a chocolate swirl ice-cream on a sugar cone. Plus the hugs, tight one, please!

Big bro,

That was really touching. And when you mentioned that aishah may lose her dad at a very young age. You know, all of us were glad thankful that you pulled through, although I didn’t know much about you back then.

Allah has His own ways in dealing with each individuals. I pretty much am having my share now, wirh one already past behind me. but I’ll strive, insyaAllah.

*You know, the next time we meet, I’ll make sure to stay away from you whenever I’. lighting up my cigarette. Its my way of showing respect to those who doesn’t smoke.


Yes I have asked around, including our very own doc Tokasid. I’m ‘fit’ to carry my duty as a hubby, from every angle.

But since we never wish to be anak derhaka, we may have to wait longer. After all, its been ages, so what is there a waiting for a few more years. And both of us doa without fail, insyaAllah we’ll pull through.


Yes miss Teh, got you loud and clear. based on how you described the couple, I think that was very romantic, albeit the chair-bound wife. That’s true, genuine love and should be emulated by everyone. Not sure If I could be as lovable as the hub but to come close is a fine achievement enough for me. ahh…

Thanks all. You guys are real friends indeed.

waterlily said...

Salam Kerp,

I agreed with sankoncan. Look at my other had that picture that he mentioned. :)

Mat Salo said...

Heheh.. less serious than marriage? Rock n' Roll MORE serious? Rock On, Bro'!

Anyway, I'm not one to dispense advice because I can't say I understand what you're going through, or know what it's like to be in your shoes (no pun intended! Sumpah! *pointing uo to lampu". Apa kene mengene lampu ngan bersumpah eh bro'?

But I can say this. A number of us, okay, ALL of us think you're doin' pretty good. And sometimes, (I know I feel this way sometimes) you put us able-bodied folks to shame coz' you're one hell of a talented dude! Here we got all 4 limbs abok pon tarak!

It's okay to have doubts here and then. We all do. But otherwise you're doin' more than fine bro'.

Wonder how our friends at the march are doing? Hope everything's okay...

Melayu Lelaki said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tinesh said...

You're right about the myth that disabled people cant get boners..Case in point: Pele modelling for anti-ED

Dude, some people just cant be changed no matter wat la..It's up to us to make the best out of it..Keep rockin on!!

Daphne Ling said...

Hey Danny,

Bravo! Good post!

You know, this discrimination is not solely 'reserved' for those in wheelchairs...At least you have seen many people in wheelchairs married!

Can you imagine how hard is it for those who are mentally-handicapped? Those who have Downs? Those with Cerebral Palsy? Those with HIV?

Boils to one thing: Lack of awareness...=)

But, I think we're getting somewhere with posts like this...If only the politicians will read this, and realise that blogs are not only about creating disharmony and wrecking havoc...Blogs do a lot to raise awareness about alot of issues, and this is a good case...

Hope you get to tie the knot you deserve in the nearest of futures...And don't forget to jemput ok? I'll be there with bells tied on (IF dijemput, and IF I'm in Malaysia) =) Haha...

Anonymous said...

Hi! My name is Project 71. Weird name I know, but my masters are weird too. My masters apologize for such an out-of-context comment and they know how painful such spamlike comments are. But, say masters, how else are we to present something good to the world. By that they mean me :D. Kindly see what I am about. Won't take you more than 22s to read... Enjoyy!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Kak mariannie,

Thanks akak. Read your latest entry before I was told about it infact. Mr Senjo and mrs Kim are a classic, fine example of true love. That picture tells a thousand word. Wonderful life is how describe it best.

MS bro,

I’m rockin’ on man. you know what mat salo, when I was in depression, music (R n R ofcos) was my only company. It served as a spiritual-lifter through good and bad times. So RnR will forever be a part of me.

Bro, coming from you especially, i can assure you I wont find it offensive for even being called a cacat. I used to abhor this word so much but hey, I’ve moved on and word remains a word. So no worries bro, I am not in any ways offended.

And your words of encouragement means the world to me man. do let me know once you’re back from the swamp land.

*most of our friends’ blogs have been updated, so I guess they’re doing great. saw most of the pics and without getting too political, i saw a huge crowd.

Tinesh drummer man,

Hey, really? pele actually did that? That’s new to me man. but you’ve got a point there. even a healthy-as-bull footballer can suffer from one. I’m with you. we cant change people’s mindset. I’m doing things for my own good and if that helps, it’s a bonus, and if it doesn’t, then fuck it.

Hey tinesh, we were talking about lewis pragasam in one of my previous entries. We believe he’s one of the best there is in the business. You’ve got to check him out and perhaps one day you could be as good, if not better.

D dearest,

Yup, in fact when you sms-ed me last night, I was with a friend who just got married last week. We talked about this practically the whole night.

This may sound a little selfish from our part but we were kind of thankful that we’re able to at least think about marriage, and thought the mentally-challenged were not as lucky as us. These are things that should serve as a reminder for all, the able-bodied and as much as the disabled too.

Yea, I wish politicians would quit accusing bloggers of being all political. If they think the so-po blogs doesn’t do any good, then read the non-sopo. As I said, if only they would sit and listen, something rational will definitely come out of it. but never tell me to not read the sopo people cos no matter how extremely political, them bloggers and I are still pals.

thanks, friends.

Zakhir's Zoo said...


Just to share.

Something happened to me yesterday. My best friend's widow, who is residing in Paris, came over for a visit.

My best friend, Mustaffa Dapat, was 2 months short of his 40th birthday when God al Mighty called him. He was a former Navy Officer, fit as fiddle. He died of penicillin allergy complications in a hospital in Caen, 1 1/2 from his Cherbourg home. He was with Perimekar and doing the project management for the Scorpene subs, now being built by DCNi.

Until today, I still can't get over his passing. When he died, his daugter was only 3 months old.

I cry everytime I think of the wonderful times we had as a friend. But I know there is wisdom why God called him when most of us felt it is not fair to us.

I know if I had opportunity to communicate with him from 'within', i am sure he would be very grateful and syukur for all the good things that he managed to achieved and enjoyed in life, even with his only daughter for a very short three months.

Again, Allah will not put his hamba to the test, if the hamba is unable to cope with it.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Big bro,

Thanks for sharing man. yes, I read about the late Mustaffa at your blog. From what I can gather from all the pics, you and him were very close indeed.

I think it was very tragic that he left at a relatively young age. But I guess he had achieved so many good things that even one day, his young daughter can be proud of her daddy. Only regret is that she didn’t get to know him very well and had to rely on her mom about what a great man her dad was.

Although reality bites, I’m very sure his widow will pull through. Allah replaced him for a daughter to give that strength before He took his life.

So yes, as you nicely summed it up, ‘Allah will not put his hamba to the test, if the hamba is unable to cope with it’.

Thanks brother.

tokasid said...

Salam kerp:

Bro, if I have 100K, I'll give it to you. But you know I don't have that,right?

You are a strong willed person. Non-OKUs like us might not have your patience . And Pinky's patience too. I am sure many other girls will just leave you if their parents objected to the marriage. Or maybe they'll succumb to parents arranging a marriage for them.

Have you contacted the motivator you met?InsyaALLAH, we'll be at your wedding bro!Ameen.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


I am thankful to have known someone like you. what you did so far is more than I had anticipated.

The good thing about this relationship is, Pinky is equally determined without being rude or menderhaka towards her parents. So to whoever have the guts to attempt on arranging marriage for her with other blokes, they’re only wasting their time.

Thanks doc.

*yes, I have contacted hj hushim. Will give him time as he’s busy giving talks in courses and all. And since i believe he wont charge me anything, I’m happy to just wait for an appointment with him.

Anonymous said...

...only in a perfect world...

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


you said it man. thanks.

anfield devotee said...

sorry, another late entry here dude. Me parents also faced obstacles from a certain relative as it was a mixed race marriage (hence me devilish good looks, but I detract!). But me parents tied the knot anyways & that relative didn't show up fer the wedding much to me mum's dissappointment. Everyone else was cool with the marriage except this bro of hers who she is very close to.

But blood is thicker than water & over time he was able to overcome his prejudices & even calls me dad "uncle" out of respect. Happy ending.

Me point is dude, if this person really cares bout yer other half, s/he wouldn't stand in the way of her happiness rite?

So take the plunge & get married. This person should come to his/her senses eventually. If not, you'll see that s/he DON'T really care bout anything except his/her own opinions. If that's the case, screw it & this person is not worthy. Just tie the knot la bro.

PS: Is this person a Trafford scummer preventing yer other half from being hitched to a Wenger devotee?

PSS: Good Luck!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


No problem man. I really need some feedbacks myself.

And thanks for sharing the story. At this present moment I only wish to hear happy ending stuff and here I got one. haha…

I wish I could just go ahead with it, get married and screw the hell out of her but what stand between us isn’t just any other person from OT nor anfield nor fratton park. Its her real deal parents we’re dealing with here man. her dad knows nuts about football anyway.

I’m just looking at the bright side of it. she’s sticking with me and that is good enough to keep on wheelin…

thanks brother.

anfield devotee said...

Bro, I have only met u here recently. But seriously FOOKING FOOK IT!!! Tie the knot dude. I kinda guessed it was the in laws that was bugging you, but hey, just do it. If yer galfriend loves u & is willing, just fooking do it mate!

U are a God-fearing bloke with impeccable punk credentials, in time yer in laws will see it.

But don't wait fer em! Just tie the knot!!!

PS: Wedding song _ Billy Idol's White Wedding? He he , we are children of the 80s rite!?!

PSS: Sorry, if I am a bit ra ra, just got back from having one too mny beers! But sincerely with you BRO. Don't mean to say I am in any way understand how it feels to be in a wheelchair but I too have me health problemos & am lucky enuff fer wifey who still loves me (by the way she mu scummer ok?). Go fer it dude & we can then compare notes bout the fooking nagging!!! Good luck dude!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

AD brother,

Yup, its her parents that stood in our way. And you are correct about me being a God-fearing dude. To tell ya honestly sir, I simply don’t have the guts to go beyond her parents’ back. But all is not lost. Life’s too short and while waiting for the big day to take place, I’m living life as it is without much to lose. Well, at least trying to.

You know what bro, maybe I should get the ‘white wedding’ after all. Hahaha…that ought to get my guts pumping and raging.

Anyway, yea, I read on your previous entries you weren’t in the best of health especially on deepavali day itself. But after reading you’re already out drinking that can only mean you’re back on 2 feet again. Good to hear tho. Haha..

Thanks for all the well wishes man. its as if we’ve known each other for a while now, which is great. Perhaps the next game between liv and ars, we could seat and enjoy the game together.

Ps/ the last time I heard about billy was when he was featured with No Doubt doing cover of the Clash’s

Pps/ you may or may not know him but might find this unpleasant. The president of everton supporters Malaysia lives exactly above my condo unit. Haha..

anfield devotee said...

he he bro kerp, no me health hasn't exactly improved but after a fooking stressed out week at the office, I needed to murder a few beers. . . And I did much to wifey's consternation.

Elope la dude. Nothing too drastic, just get registered la. Be done with it. They can accept it or not depending on how much they love their daughter.

re Everton: I'm actually allrite with bluenoses u know. Plus we (& ref) robbed em at Goodison a few weeks back & I genuinely feel bad bout that. Pres of Club, berapa member ada? 3?

Ars v LFC : On! But be warned I am not at all pleasant during game times. Quite a bitch actually . . .

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