Thursday, July 24, 2008

Flip-Flop

Hey, I’ve got my notebook back. Nothing to shout about really as it’s still the same crappy old laptop, only minus the Trojans and shits like that, which of course is a good thing.

I shouldn’t be complaining, you know. I take some consolation that comes out of this whole virus-attack episode- that it was just an old laptop and not a Proton Perdana, or I may have to break my bank account (as well as few dozen others) just to get it repaired.

RM50k to fix a damn car. And we dumb fools are expected to buy this trumped-up story. Come on la datok, its your life-long dream to drive a benzo. Stop faking it and come out clean with your story. You’re nothing but a faker, man. A mother faker.

Ok, back to my virus-free laptop.

I seriously think its about time I change to a new one. But the timing couldn’t be as ghastly as now. Just when the cost of living is soaring high, this fucking thing just had to turn its back against me.

I’ve got some wonderful people reading my blog who came out with suggestions on how I could go about in replacing this old junk for a new one. I truly appreciate their ideas. They offered something substantial, and the fact that we’re mere blog acquaintance really speaks volume of their thoughtfulness.

But, I’ve already got a plan up my sleeveless Pagoda.

The lady-luck may not be smiling at me now but I truly believe there’s always a light at the end of every tunnel. For striking the right chord I managed to get a slot for a meeting with a certain VVIP.

No, its not Kery Jamaluddin. Whoever, Its very much on the card and I have yet to utilize it.

The best part is, the ball is in my court to name her (yes, it’s a she!) the date and time for the meeting- at my convenience! That’s the flip side to it.

Now for the flop side to this whole good shit –

I don’t have the guts to bloody do it. The thought of calling her up simply freaks me like hell my balls shrink up without a trace left in the scrotal bag.

But I know I’m gonna have to do it eventually. I wanted this so much and will make the most of this little precious time she has for me.

What I need is to put on a thick face, be done with all the protocols and get down straight to the point and forward my request for a state-of-the-art notebook.

In the mean time, I’m just hoping the testicles will return to its place and gather my guts in full-force soon before I pick up that damn phone and start dialing.

30 comments:

Pi Bani said...

Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! Chicken lah you! How to be PM like this??!

fergie said...

Hey Kerpov
You are an optimistic guy and no coward la! I can sense from what you say. Just DIAL!!!

jaflam said...

hai Kerp,
Put that Russian smile and just shoot at her your usual style. Nothing less the Mac Air my fren. If you need body guard Cikgu will be fine.

wanshana said...

JUST GET THE PHONE AND DIAL NOWWW!!!!

Aiyoooo you...

And yup - count your blessings it wasn't a Perdana that's playing you up. If not, makan pasir laaa...

Btw, I think itu Trengganu Excos hantar repair their Perdanas kat Mekanik Jembalang coz' Proton just issued a statement that they don't have any records of carrying out the services and repairs under the warranty on those Perdanas in the last 4 years!! Apa cerita??!!

And I think, apart from Mekanik Jembalang, they also have Auditor Jembalang jugak?!

Kata Tak Nak said...

I don't know, somehow I feel there a catch here. I thought you would reveal it at the end of the post but you didn't so I think this is going to be a 2 post, post. Am I right or am I too suspicious?

anfield devotee said...

Yo kerpie, please make sure this time it comes with the requisite CD burning (& zip) programmes! Essentila fer msuic junkies like us!

Good luck.

ps: look forward to reading yer comments on the latest discussion me posted at me blog. C u later!

muteaudio said...

Nak join! I need a new lappie too. Or at least tell her you need 2, just in case the trojan return. And don't forget 3 pasang baju koboi, pistol nak 6 & kuda nak 8.

Akmal said...

Kerp,
Alamak bro, apa lagi?

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Kak Pi,

Wei, scary wooo…the thought of meeting orang besar itself is simply too overwhelming. Stammer with my words and blew the only chance I have…takpe. slow2…hehehe


Aunty fergie,

I am quite optimistic that the meeting will take place. The only question now is when my guts will come a knocking. I admit, I am a closet coward!!!


Dato J,

Mac air? That’s a good suggestion. But I may not be able to use it due to its high-techness.

*thanks for the wonderful lunch, dato. You may have seen my bodyguard today. A younger version of cikgu, same origin though…hehehe…


kak shana,

the previous state gomen may have to answer to that, which basically made out of the same people, lain kepala je.

Spoke to a few guys earlier and I think the issue now is not about perdanas but more of the benzos. Sure localcars are crap and stuff but Why merc and not some other Japanese-made cars?

*will dial the phone bila semangat tiba…hehehe


cikgu!

Yes, maybe you were being a bit too suspicious. How I wish there was indeed a killer punch at the end of the entry. If ever there’ll be a sequel, that means the meeting had been taken place. Hehe…scary man, I tell ya. Nasib baik bukan nak jumpa politician.


Bala,

Cant be too fussy la but ofcos the next purchase of a freakin laptop will be equipped with all the good shit la.

*sorry boss, didn’t get to join in the discussion. Been out the whole day and just got bck. Will certainly check it out a bit later at night.


RAZ,

Muahahahahahha…laptop 5, e200 kompressor 14, awek Filipino 10 (orgy). I aint pushing my luck la bro but a good, up-to-date lappie will put a smile on my crippled face.

*thanks for the ride today!


Akmal, brother…

Only a matter of time till it happened. I may seek your expertise on the best notebook I should get. Game, bro? A thank you in advance..kihkihh…


Thanks, fellas.

Tinesh said...

Be a man! Do the right thing! Haha..Just call her up la..She's just another chick la dude..If u had enough balls to first ask Pinky out, then Im pretty sure this is nothing maah :D:D good luck anywyz

cakapaje said...

Salam bro,

Yo! You're not talking about that YB which you were trying to keep to yourself while at Asam Pedas are you?

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

T man,

muahahahaha...cibai la, why la do you have to remind me of Russell Peters. BE A MAN.

i'm not ashame to admit i'm a chicken shit. this chic aint like any other chic. this chic is a respectable princess. needs rehearsal before going ahead with it.


shah,

YB ely? miles bro, miles. this lady aint no politician but a princess. i believe there wont be any protocols that much as its supposed to be a casual meeting. still it gives me chill right thru my crooked spine just by thinking about it.

senorita.. said...

*channels my semangat to Kerp*

now that u have it, pick up the phone. dun put Russell Peters to shame man......

=P

arsaili said...

salam.. i need new lappie too..ahaks

Jon-C said...

Bro, you need more Guinnesse Malta lah! Kekekeke. ;0)

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Karen,

Yea,girl. Channel some of the Kiwi-power to me. I need the strength of Jonah Lomu before I could lift the telephone and start dialing…hehehe…


Arsaili,

Wsalam bro. Laptop sekarang ni aku panggil rice-cooker je= periuk nasik tu beb…kihkihhh..


Jonc my man,

If the courage is no wehre to be seen, I may have to go with stout, pints of stout!

Daphne Ling said...

Kerpie,

My laptop's in the shop too. The hinges broke on both sides so it can't shut properly...Don't ask how...I have no idea myself...

By the way, I think some state that's buying the Merc's better be careful. The people are watching them waste the public money by buying Mercedes', while ordinary people like us worry about making ends meet and having food on the table and having to walk to work/call pool etc...

No matter how much they argue the money is legit, or whether they insist the money came from their own coffers, nobody's gonna believe them.

After all, if they did use money from their own coffers, tell me where they got the money from?

By serving the people?!?!?

Some people better watch out come the next GE...

Tinesh said...

Oooo macam itu ya?? So brush up on the protocol and call her. I still say she's just another chick even if she's royalty :D

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Hi daph,

Hey, couldn’t put it better than you did. Regardless how lengthy his explanation could be, it’s the fact they already bought vehicles classified as luxurious. It has definitely tainted their credibility, as well as his as a people’s leader.

*hope you’re all prepared and game to go!


Tman,

She’s a chic with a big heart that’s for sure. She might even do away with the protocol.

Salt & Turmeric said...

A princess ey? *wink* cud it be the johor or pahang or selangor? cmon Kerp, just pick up the phone and dial already! u can do it! ;)

Mat Salo said...

Woi brader! Aku tau laa Fashy Shandy dah kene kebas Istana Joho. So hang ni nak tit (s) for (pan) tat ler ni. Man, dun gimme dat flip-flop scrotal sac shit. You nervous because you got the hots for her right? RIIIGHT? Heh heh.

Call laa. You'd be surprised. Make your best muka RM 0.20 tu. Good luck!

BTw, sorry bout the other day kat ospita bro'. Kita pekene another time. In Jebatville at the moment nak attend dear friend father baru pergi.

1 lagi - hang punyablog makin lama gempak! Loved this line, bro: "But, I’ve already got a plan up my sleeveless Pagoda."

Classic, man.

Kata Tak Nak said...

So its no catch. I think the laptop I never had is not only full of trojans but also of Gremlins, Toyols, Ghouls you name it I have it. Do you happen to have the number of that Royalty. No, just want to say hello, thats all.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Farina,

Yup, a princess. Could be related to you, I mean, royalties tend to have connections here and there you know. Royalty dari negeri teman ler kak yong oi…kihkihh…*hint*


Mas salo?

Tits for pantat? Muahahahha…that’s a real gem la brother.

I tell ya why any men would fall for her mat; not just she’s pretty, she’s rich, intelligent and most importantly with a big heart. A princess charming she is!

As for that other day, we’re cool la bro. But you did miss a scrumptious feast, courtesy of our wonderful Dato J. Please convey my apology to Kak Sue as I did not recognise her.

*teh tarik next time, before ramadhan sempat ke?


Cikgu!

Hehehhehehehee…just to say hello? You sure about it? I could be doing that myself once I’ve made up my mind; call her, say hello, freak out and hang up the phone…hehehehhe

Me... Only Better said...

hey...

if the jokers can buy merc, you desrve the bestest laptop..the needs of the people comes first lah..sapa lagi nak jaga well-being dan keprluan kita...just dont surf too much porn lah...use it for good things...kah kah kah

Me... Only Better said...

weh! stout haram lah...yennadey!!!!

Me... Only Better said...

wanshana..ini dia mekanik jembalang!!!

RM80mil to maintain government cars
By EDDIE CHUA

KUALA LUMPUR: The Federal Government is paying RM80mil annually to Spanco Sdn Bhd to have the latter maintain its fleet of 1,400 Proton Perdana V6 Executives and other vehicles designated for official use.

This works out to about RM12,000 annually to maintain each of the locally-made luxury-line Proton Perdana leased from Spanco.

On Friday, Terengganu Mentri Besar Datuk Ahmad Said called on the ACA to probe the high service charges imposed by Spanco.

The Perdanas were part of a fleet of 5,600 vehicles of various models and makes that Spanco, a vehicle fleet management company contracted to lease and maintain vehicles for ministers, top civil servants and senior government officials, made available to the Government.

The contract was inked in 1994 for the duration of 25 years as part of the Government’s privatisation exercise. It expires in 2019.

In that contract, the Government paid Spanco RM100mil a year to lease and maintain its entire fleet.

But in June 2003, Spanco and the Government returned to the negotiating table when the Finance Ministry found the contract awarded to Spanco in 1994 excessive. The Government appointed an international audit firm to look into Spanco’s books.

Under the revised agreement, the audit firm recommended the Government cut back the contract by 20% to RM80mil annually. Spanco chief executive officer Datuk Hamzah Mohd Salleh said the issue of cost overrun and high maintenance charges did not arise at all under the Government-Spanco deal.

“Any overrun would be borne by us,” he said, but declined to reveal the details of the package.

“We only leased the vehicles to the Federal Government. We don’t do the state governments’ business.”

A source told The Star that the Government was Spanco’s only customer.

Under the deal, the Government gets new Proton Perdanas every fourth year.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Tehsin...Moi lady!

hey, dont get me wrong. i've never comsumed anything alcoholic. figuratively i said if my courage keeps shying away i may have to resort to something unthinkable, and in this case, a few pints of tuak. but cakap je...hehehehe...

yes i deserve a new laptop. i need to do my work without the fear this crap will go bust at any time. cant produce quality end-product if this fear prolong...susah la puan.

Me... Only Better said...

hey, are you going to the MRT esok? who is going...my first time..shylah...tarak geng!

mekyam said...

hi kerpie,

glad u got your ol' nb back!

but for G's sake, ignore the empty scrotalbags. just clench... and dial already!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Moi lady…

You aint doing another kerp are you? Just go!!!


Mek yam, dearest!

Will surely do it…when the time comes! eheheee