Ramadan Al-mubarak

The Holy month’s back.

Wishing all my Muslim Brothers and sisters a meaningful Ramadan.

Have a blessed one, y’all!

Sunday

One pretty boy started the ball rolling and being a good sport, I thought I’d take the cue too, I mean, hey, why not. Its Sunday.

So here goes…

Fuucccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Fucccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkking fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk…liars can suck monkey's ass and fucking die choking on monkey turd.

Ok I’m done with swearing for the whole month of September at least.

We 'is' Brothers (And sisters)

They say a picture tells a thousand stories. We’ve got a macha, a typical chinaman, a mamat and hey, even one chindian fella.

The image above has never been tampered nor it was pre-arranged for the camera to be used in some Petronas ad or some shit.

Muhibbah? Perhaps but that particular occasion was the real deal, without making a big fuss of our colour blindness.

For the record, a sole Muslim bloke (me!) who doesn’t drink was exempted from chipping in on the liquor bill. Tolerance prevailed that night.

Realistically we still have a long way to go before we reach the desired peak with pride but it’s happening and you bet, we are moving on the right direction.

Salam Merdeka, fellow citizens!

This entry is about gardening (nothing political)

Okay, lets not fret. Hopefully with such title this entry will be well disguised.

So, in the wake of MaCai-MaCai shutting down Malaysia Today, and might even have a go at other online news portal of similar contents which most definitely includes sopo weblogs, Sopo Bloggers may have to be in their best behaviour or face a similar fate as RPK’s website.

Either you write all the shit that is music to their ears or it could spell the end of your beloved blog.

I, on the other hand, have come up with several steps that could well save LGL from being a victim of the possible crackdown. I don’t quite belong in the ‘sopo’ category but would rather not take any chance that could see this blog being clamped. Not that I’m freaking and peeing in my pants off but no better ways to start things off than to suck up to them.

Here goes.

- Write stuff that is deemed good enough to be labelled as anti-Anwar.

- Only links to former and current amno leaders’ blogs are fit to be on the sidebar.

- Focus my writing on disability issues and praise every move and policy endorsed by Dr Ng Yen Yen.

- Disassociate myself from the likes of Kickdefella and Zorro.

- Set fire to all posters made by Mob1900

- Make fun of Lim Kit Siang’s GQ hair-do.

- To swear (you bet!)

- To put in print every word reported in Buletin Utama

- Say yes to ISA…Samad.

- Blog about floras and faunas

And finally rename my blog and change the header to Lover of Government Leaders.

Awesome shit I tell ya. Hope this’ll do the trick.

Lets just wait and see.

He's back

Whether he had fucked some dude’s ass or not, the by-election result yesterday proves that people wants him to be in parliament. What he does behind closed door is secondary.

Why I think Anwar’s victory would take Malaysia to a greater height; Umno/BN’s defeat might just trigger some sense of concern in them. On their part, the defeat should serve as a wake-up call to come back to earth and get back to basic of listening and taking into account of people's wish.

Its not about the man, but Anwar’s one major factor our government will start to buck up when it is long overdue.

Nothing personal against the country’s leadership. It’s always been about bread and butter issue. The government can come up with 1001 reasons to jack prices on essential goods up but they must be nuts to believe that people digs it. The damaged has been done. Most of us are left with huge holes in our wallet.

So when DSAI pledged to revive the country’s economy and uplift the poor amongst his other vows, the people must not be blamed for buying all his words. He may or may not be able to fulfil all the promises made but people will still endorse it because as it is now, the current government has made life a misery to average wage-earning Malaysians.

Playing the racial card has also backfired. They underestimated The Malays of Permatang Pauh, which obviously are more matured than the Umno guys thought they were.

Sure some voters are staunch Anwar’s supporters but the fence-sitters indisputably took bread and butter issue into consideration, and hence turned a deaf ear on every word sworn by pretty boy Epol.

The parliament house couldn’t get any interesting than now. The people have spoken and wanted a strong character, which DSAI obviously possessed to give the current government a run for their money. He will certainly crank the volume up on the opposition side. Strong opposition provides better times ahead, for the people.

The Revival

This shit has been around for more than a decade now. Not exactly my cuppa as I’ve never liked R&B but I thought I’d make this particular shit an exception. Its some sort of a come back actually, as currently everybody tends to enjoy it. The whole country digs this so I thought it deserves a place in me blog.

Ok fuckers, enjoy listening while I get down to a more serious matter than a by-election; filling up on my empty stomach.




Ahh...

Malaysian Soul

Somebody asked why I'm yet to display the Jalur Gemilang like I always did in previous years.

Being Malaysians that we are, I was not spared from baseless accusations. Wild speculations have been rife and one being that I was about to launch another initiation ala Sheih, but with a dissimilar way of displaying my displeasure towards whatever fuck’s going on in the country.

Then apparently there has been rumours going around via email I was about to abandon Malaysia to seek a greener pasture in Dubai/Doha/Abu Dhabi (trendy destination for young Malay pros with O&G background).

Another version to this rumour has it that I was seeking political asylum in Morocco to stay with the Berbers in Sahara boozing with the not-so-religious Berber guys.

All because I did not display a JG up next to the bedroom window.

Whatever.

The truth is; I can’t find me a mini-flag in all the shops I went to, simple as that. Fucking retailers either had run out of stock or only sell wedding gowns and dresses. Stupid bridal shop.


For the record, I did not share the same sentiment as Sheih and Uncle Zorro on the flag inversion issue (and am sticking to what I stood for) but by no means I am in total disagreement.

Surely what transpired was done after much thought and consideration had been put into, prior to his action that could well land him in deep shit. He went ahead with it, and that speaks volume of what he believed in.

Similarly, those who took the cue from Kickdefella certainly had thought of the consequences too.

At the end of the day, they’re all Malaysians who probably are more patriotic than any politicians could ever wish to be.

Only fools will believe their intention was to ridicule the national flag. Tell me if that was the case and I’ll be the first to find their home address and bomb their letterbox with fresh human faeces.

For this one, I’m right behind evils fighting for a better Malaysia while my behind is against pirates making lives a misery for Malaysians.

Working YB

Hell-o…

So I was reading the newspaper and came across this one report on the progress leading to Permatang Pauh’s by-election.

In one of the paragraphs, our TPM was quoted as saying the Rakyat should vote for candidate who works for the people.

And of course I re-read that particular paragraph just to be positively sure.

Elect a YB who will work for the people?

Dude, those guys are in real danger of extinction. Just like the elementals, the sight of this unusual kind is quite rare to a certain extent these days.

Its like, sightings on working YBs can only be viewed via rare, amateur footages. Chances are, most video featuring working YBs caught were hoax. There are in fact, more genuine video footages and still images of living Hogzillas than a working YB.

Lets recap who exactly this bunch of dying breeds are, in case some of us have forgotten why they were referred to as a working YB.

A working YB is someone who makes his round door-to-door as much he possibly could (NOT merely during campaigning seasons) to hear grouses from the same people who voted him in.

A working YB gets down dirty with the people…behind flashing cameras.

A working YB spends his time more at his constituency than minding on useless political issues, unless he's directly involved.

A wanking YB defends developer’s move to rape green lung areas in the name of development.

A working YB fucks Hogzillas.

Majulah Sukan Untuk LGL

Here’s the reason why I haven’t been updating much lately- sports.

Its been raining sports and all I did was taking the best seat available (according to Astro) and enjoyed all the games on display throughout.

DocTA reminded me of men’s 100m event final on Saturday night and glad I managed to catch the whole race that lasted not more than 10 seconds. Had Tyson Gay been in the picture, I don’t think there’d be any difference on the result. Witnessing the eventual winner for the first time sprinting like mad, I think Usain Bolt will dominate the track for years to come.

Then came the heart-breaker. Lee Chong Wei lost quite tamely I must admit, to Lin Dan in what was supposed to be an explosive affair.

Heck, I’m proud of Chong Wei anyway. I’m sure he gave his best. Sadly his best wasn’t good enough to deliver Malaysia our first ever Olympics gold medal.

This makes me wonder; why in the fucking world is the Olympics committee insisted on leaving sports such as squash and bowling out of the games? Aren’t these sports played globally? when fencing- a sport dominated by the eastern Europeans- has been part of the games for years, I don’t see any reason why the aforementioned sports should be left out the next time around (London 1012). From a malaysian point of view, one gold in the bag is a sure bet.

Just a thought.

Anyway, besides the Olympics, English Premier league finally commences after a 3-month hiatus. No better ways to kick-off the brand new season than having the great Arsenal setting the ball rolling, and winning their season opener. But judging by their first-day display, I thought they were simply sucked. Their performance were rusty and obviously some of the strikers left their shooting boots in the dressing room. Certainly a cause for concern for the Gooners. I know its only the first game and shit but I’m just being realistic; its going to be a tough ride ahead if you’re an Arsenal fan.

Oh, then there’s the champions league final. After clinching the prestigious European club trophy,…

I kept away the PS2 and went for lunch because I was starving like hell.

Making your wish to come true

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so the poor dog had none.

WHAT’s as empty as Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard but is full of promises nonetheless? It’s the parliamentary seat left vacant sometime last week.

For politicians and their supporters from both side of the fence, the imminent Permatang Pauh by-election will be some sort of a battle-royale. Pilihanraya Kecil it may be but by no means is it going to be a small affair.

Dubbed as the ‘ultimate’ tussle judging by the political landscaping, digging and dirt that has been flying around since March’s General Election, Permatang Pauh will once again turn into a boxing ring, hosting two coalition representatives slugging it out at each other for that one glorious moment and a season’s pass to the Parliament.

For the folks residing in and around the vicinity however, it’s a windfall. The next time you see a rainbow, my bet is that the trail ends in Permatang Pauh.

Whether apartisan or otherwise, nothing beats in taking this rare opportunity to seek aid, and one can bet his life savings that the request will most definitely be fulfilled.

This is not to advocate the power of suggestion that residents request for a Benz or something ridiculous of that sort; it is but a mere reminder for them to exercise their rights as citizens.
Woes not seriously looked into such as the lack of basic necessities and infrastructure as well as promises made in March but not kept, should be brought to the fore.

From the disabled person’s point of view, this is a bonanza the community must not let slip away. It is a known fact that free fundamental material assistance from the welfare department is hard to come by. With ministers and other political bigwigs almost certain to make their appearances on the streets or even at the front door, they are a ‘captive audience’ to speed up on your impending request.

It is not an every day thing that one gets to be in such a position. A situation where one can directly channel his grouses to those who possess the power of making decisions and changes by a simple order to his or her staff.

It may not be easy to fish for votes but leaders of certain communities are duty bound to assist in the welfare of those in need, whether in their own backyards or otherwise. Taking congnisance of delivering the goods may well do the trick in winning over the voters’ hearts. Ultimately, they might enjoy the catch of the day.

Anything, and I mean anything at all, especially for the benefit of the needy.
By-elections are not easy to come by. In most cases, it happens when an incumbent dies. And odds are we may never see anyone doing a 'Wan Azizah' again.

My point is, carpe diem. Seize this moment of opportunity. Make the best of this rare occasion. If your rightful needs have been neglected, oh, go ahead and milk it; push your luck and your agenda. Whatever.

What matters most it that your due rights are recognised and are taken care of while the political carnival is in town. You might even hit the jackpot.

Every dog has its day, the saying goes, so hopefully someone will stock good old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard this time.

Unbound

Nothing New

No prize in guessing it right- I’m down with fever yet again.

In fact this is the first time I went online since Friday morning as I have been staying in bed practically through out the weekend.

It was so bad that I lost my voice, lost my appetite, physically weak and I could have even vomited my guts and ribs out if I came across another inverted Jalur Gemilang over the weekend.

Jokes were no fun either. It took one whole day before the punch line finally hits on me…and I’d be like ‘ooooh…so that was it. Now I get it’…and went on laughing out loud alone while watching a Thai love story...the next day.

Now I can feel the pressure coming on to me. I was supposed to study a bill and come out with a piece on it before Wednesday.

Which means I have to cut everything short. Including this entry. Got tons of things to straighten out, particularly this week’s piece. Failing to do so would strengthen some people’s belief that I still have a long way to go before I could make it into the real ass-busting world out there.

I’m sure they meant to say loser.

Whatever. Will be back in a jiffy.

Re-freshening my vow

Here’s the thing. I tried to come up with a serious posting that I have been meaning to touch on but every time I’m down with it, I’ll sure to hit a snag.

Since I’m not a quitter however, I went on and tried again, putting some serious thoughts into writing. After several (twice) failed attempts, I decided to quit.

So anyway, I’m currently in a very romantic mood. A groovy kind of feeling, y'know.

A little incident happened the other day was the sole reason for putting me in such corniness.

(And I swear you will not find any catch at the end of this entry)

Briefly.

Met a dear friend at one of me favourite mamak joints one night and as I had anticipated all along, she wanted a shoulder to cry on. She was in real mess. A complicated love story kind of mess.

Being a good Thelma, I did my utmost best to offer her some words of comfort. It actually worked. To be able to put a smile – albeit temporarily- back on her face, I consider that as shoulders well cushioned.

But who am I kidding, right?

Lets get real. It takes more than just a Thelma-wannabe to get her out of the deepshit.

I may be the greatest quadriplegic ever to set foot on a footrest but this quadriplegic man’s best is simply not good enough.

Any how, that little episode has left quite an impact on me. Sure, it has been quite a shitty ride (on wheelchair) but I’ve come a long way I should feel more thankful for what I have and blessed with nowadays.

A relatively healthy life(style), I own a Mercedes-Benz, a respectable job managing a boyband, influential politician who’s capable to boot and replace our current pee-am and most importantly, I have a girl friend that understand and loves me dearly for the person I am.

A little too corny for someone’s liking but I’m going ahead anyway, re-freshening my pledge to her I made some years back.

Mark my words, sweetheart. I’m staying true to you!


Told ya, no catch but a music video featuring me fav punk rock band, performing a corny tune.

Mardi Gras Up North

Ah yes, the by-election. The next time you see a rainbow, you can bet the trail ends in Permatang Pauh.

It is like striking a jackpot, especially for living voters.

It may be a Pilihanraya Kecil but by no means it’s a small affair. With all the political bigwigs sure to throng in to try fish some votes, the timing couldn’t be more perfect than now to squeeze them to bits

For the disabled community, this chance is a must-grab. Go ahead, ask for a super-light weight, brand new Quickie. Who knows you might even end up with two.

But hey, I’m serious. Disabled persons who are yet to enjoy any form of financial aid shouldn’t find it hard to apply for any. While for those whose application is still pending, just go over to the nearest politician in sight and enlighten them of your problem. They’d be more than happy to cut the bureaucracy crap and speed up the process.

Its not an everyday thing one gets to channel his grouses directly to the powers-that-be. While the carnival is in town, one should at least demand for their rights to be looked into.

Yea and everyone would be thinking, its not as easy as telling them PP folks to do it.

First of all, it’s a mere suggestion. Secondly, nothing to lose but everything to gain and thirdly, them politicians will sure to oblige or someone will defecate on their Kompressor’s windscreen.

So do not fret. Demand!

Now here’s a drive initiated by our friend Anfield Devotee aka Craig Johnston aka Bala Ji to get people to register and in due course eligible to exercise their rights to vote.

I doubt there’ll be any snap election but by-elections at your own yard can be as near as just around the corner.

I mean, MPs and Aduns are humans too. And they too, could be raped in the ass tomorrow and die the day after. You just never know. Life and death is solely God’s business to decide.

It takes only a few minutes just to get you registered anyway, and soon your name will be on the electoral role, and as a living voter for that matter.

For those unregistered, spare a minute or 3 the next time you see a post office. Sign up and be counted.

And of course, if I get the break to stand in as one of the candidates for a parliamentary seat, your vote will count for nothing if it went to my opponent.

To male voters, they better watch their…err…step.

To lady voters meanwhile, vote for me or otherwise I swear I’ll trace your home and steal your white-cotton panties.

Disturbed- Down With The Sickness

Oh hell, so much for wild and wicked weekend; damn bugs are having an orgy in my body system instead. Totally uninvited.

Just when I thought this weekend would be the best opportunity to unleash the party animal in me, the flu virus had to play a party-pooper, hence rule me out from attending an inaugural book club meeting.

The thing is, whenever I’m down with sickness, the last thing I’d do is seeking advice from the doctor. Think about it, this isn’t the first time I’m down with flu. All I ever get was the same set of medication. The same bitter shit.

Or maybe I could do this; since I’ll be going to the hospital anyway later (visiting my dear old grandma), I might as well look out for any ENT specialist walking up and down the alleyway, stop him and ask about my problem. I’m sure he’ll oblige because soon he’ll find out he’s treating a guy called Kerp, the greatest paper columnist there ever was...to be seeking treatment from him.

Then I can imagine he’s gonna say things like…

-Virus is in the air.

-Drink a lot of water.

-Your nostril is not in danger of potential Tenesmus because mucus keeps oozing out.

-Stop smoking because Nik Aziz says so.

-Eat a lot of veggies and starve yourself to die.



Then come back home Mom will be singing the same tune.

-no late night work.

-no cold water for the next few days

-no wild night out

-no loud music.



And I’d be like, no loud music?

Oookay, no point living then.