Monday, May 5, 2008

Death Floor Boy

I was thinking earlier right,…since I wont become a YB till at least another 4 years, maybe I should be doing something with my life in the mean time.

Lets see. This may surprise a lot of people and I swear I’m not trying to boast or anything like that shit, but I believe I can be quite a good listener and an even better adviser. Something like Thelma you know, a reliable shoulder that anyone can rest onto. Since however, I’m not interested in taking a job in a newspaper, I’ll just let Thelma keep her job that she’s only 2nd best at, after me. After all, with this God-given talent I have, I can use it and make it to good use like milking in some million bucks or something.

The most suitable job I have in mind may require me to sell my soul, which I don’t have any qualms in doing just that.Got my soul for free that even selling it for a buck, I will still end up making some profits.

So anyway I was thinking about being part of the fourth floor boys, as one of the PM’s advisors. Obviously he’s not been feeding with good advice that he and the whole country deserved. I’m qualified because I’m still in my 30s.

Hold on, I think I’ll settle for the chief advisor’s post, no less. Yea that. Not that I’m power-crazy mind you, but in order to revamp the whole establishment I need to have the authority to do so. I’m a malay by the way, so it’s ok to be power-crazy.

Right, so the first thing I’ll change once I’m in-charge is to move from the current office to either one floor up or down. They should have consulted Mr Selva of Vasthu Sastra in the first place before deciding on the location of the office. I’m a Malaysian, its ok to be superstitious about this whole ‘sue/sial’ thing. I mean, Death Floor Boys may sound cool for a name of a rock & roll band but when it is associated with the premier man, it sounds more like he’s surrounded by freaking poseurs.

Once we’ve settled on the 8th floor which I’m sure everyone to give their nod because I’m their boss (Ketuanan Melayu), time to really sit and get down to serious business; uniting the Malays. Kahkahhh...

Ok fine, I’ll be serious for once. Since the PM means business when he said about revamping some of the government bodies, i.e the ACA- My advice would be to get rid of their boss. By applauding the PM’s order in cracking down on corruption within the agency itself, they are in a way admitting there has in fact been wrong-doings taken place before and therefore the chief should take full responsibility and vacate the seat. And nobody can do a better job at helming the ACA than the chief advisor of the 8th Floor Boys himself.

…buuutt then again, since this is my story, I can cook it up and say I'm better than the PM himself and fully qualified for the top post. If that happens, rest assured, weekends will be extended to Monday and Malaysia will have an extra weekend day off.

So lets get rid of the Monday blues away, vote for Kerp.

15 comments:

Tinesh said...

Walau wey..Brilliant fucking idea..My vote is for you man..Tho Im not so happy with the homosexual portfolio..

monsterball said...

If you become PM...Malaysia will be the wonderland of Alice...and Micheal Jackson...and majority will be like Oliver Twist..wanting more...and your best friend will be like Brutus...gang up..on the day...the Eyes of March...to do you in.
But kata tak nak will organize 300 Malaysians......to protect you...with me...sipping coconut water...with three to serve me day and night...away from....your weird country.....living in hell .

monsterball said...

Dreams are meant for fools....so don't dream Arsenal have a chance. It's a foregone conclusion...MU's cup........hahahahahahaha

monsterball said...

And European Cup maybe Chelsea's...to give bookies...make another kill........hahahahahahaha
Malaysian bookies...all caught...but the sons and daughters will take over. It is a never never ending story...when money can be made...by hook or by crook ..with these guys.
But they can proudly say...no one if forced to bet....so why catch us??
Catch the players and manages....is the right move.
It's another wayang kulit show.

Kata Tak Nak said...

First you have got to get an imitation Oxford Unviversity Degree, a Phd would be better. Try that Putra Umno chief, maybe he could help you.
Then you only talk of billions. Millions are peanuts. Get yourself a T-shirt with KJ 4ever printed in front and Imam Lah Rules at the back.

anfield devotee said...

Tuan Kerp,

Fook the BN la - money talks & bullshit walks is their fooking motto.

ACA revamped - how bout they take a closer look at the BAKTI fiasco?

People get ready fer Barisan Porno's impending ahem, penetration into the local political scene . . .

A vote fer Barisan Porno is a vote fer Kerp . . .

Raden Galoh said...

Dearest Adik...

Wahkakahahaha...this is better than my Ah Beng Jokes... I like it lah...okay sure, I'll vote for you...

Ah monday blues has gone away and thank you for making my day...

Anonymous said...

now i know why i kept tuning here to get rid of monday blues!! Ya lah..4 is sei or mati in chinese, 8 is definitely better. Bad fengshui for these goons la.. but then even if they had good f/shui, I doubt it make much difference. F.shui only energise the place, not their brains and there's no expiry date on idiocy...kakakakaakaka,m.kate

monsterball said...

Monday also a holiday..because when you become PM...most become fuckers....not workers...so fuck fuck fuck...legs got wobbly..cannot walk properly..and instead of sperms shooting out...blood oozes out.
When you become PM...doctors only need to cure sick..virgina and penis. That's why Monday is off...to stop doctors giving sick leave false...a cover up of making too much woopies.
Then Micheal Jackson....heard of his dream country...want to migrate to your never never ending fucking shit land...but have no more money...but he is willing to serve you with his back-side...front-side. all angle sides...any side...to please you...to be a Malaysian.
Money will be printed with your stupid face....thus....not a PM...but anothev dictator is born...totally opposite to TMD.
This one...love fucking and have all citizens..be gatal like him.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

T man,

Thanks for the vote man…but either you work with me and take up the portfolio or you’ll end up like that jamry fucker and gets the boot. Bro, after all it doesn’t mean you’re gay by taking this particular ministerial job.


Mr Goh,

Let me know which portfolio you fancy and I’ll make sure it is served on a platter. How about kementerian Wanita?

*yeah ok, its ManU’s season. In fact I can already sensed it more than a month ago. its ok, there’s always next season.

*I’ve heard it before and couldn’t agree more. fucking Monday. A very familiar phrase.


Cikgu!

I’ve already got my PhD. And I don’t think its necessary to have any degree bcos this job doesn’t require much thinking.


Yo Bala,

I believe them ACA has moved in in this balkis issue. But if I were one of the boys I would have moved in immediately, instead of waiting for orders from whoever shit concerns.

*you’re definitely part of the MT of party porno progresif (PPP).


Kak D!

Thanks for the vote, dearest akak. If I knew about it earlier I would have paid for you earlier today…;).

*don’t thank me, I need to get rid of the blues myself!


Marykate!!!

Hahahaha…not bad la you, sister. Yup, 4 is kinda sue. Actually I’m not very superstitious but anything just to have a dig at them.

*thanks for tuning in always. I’m flattered. So when are we gonna meet?

tokasid said...

Salam Kerp:

Since you gonna be Chief-of-staff you must not forget to remember me for I can give good advise to PM,a very crucial advise for his political survival.Me give good advise how to stay awake 20 hours a day.me tell Chief -of-staff and COF tell sleepyhead PM.

monsterball said...

Kementerian Wanita?
Women ...Women.. Women?
Small ones ..smelly ones.. big ones?
No Siree....after I play the wrong hole in golf...and loose a bundle!
I want to be a head hunter for women staffs ..interviewing..fresh stuffs..not use ones..by you or kata tak nak. Me first...both of you..line up and put your tongues out.
Good ones...I give 3 months probational period.
Confirm...I pass all to you...do as you like.
And I need a huge entertaining unlimited account..plus fringe benefits...like one kilo best tongkat ali..per month.
I will be incorruptable...no one can bribe me....for anything...as the position calls for one with a true loving heart...to feed the slightly used virgins...with loving kindness and give them... secured jobs.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Doc,

Hey, I’ll never forget friends if everi’m up there. I’m still an amateur remember? Need people like you, cikgu and shah to be MY advisor. But then again, now that you mentioned it, it looks easy lah to give a simple advice to that GUY concerned…hehehehe


Mr goh,

You cannot be fussy in taking up any portfolios given by your superior, or you’ll end up like that dickhead jamry fella…hehehhehe

monsterball said...

I sense a fucking shit PM....even before becoming one....telling me cannot I cannot choose as I like...yet told me...choose and it will be presenting on a platter to me. No need to apologize!! It hurts too much...too late...and so soon.
Let kata tak nak...join his fucking party.....and be a puppet on a string to a fucked gatal PM.
But .if I know kata tak nak well...he can put kerpy boy in his pocket....like a yoyo. I am too sensitive...so will withdraw. This way..I can open my loud mouth and fuck him up....without fear to be put in a hit hole.
Since this cracko who wants to be PM....can laugh at the slightest moment....very dangerous to
fool around with him...more dangerous than Dollah.
At lease we know Dollah do not laugh like this idiot......because Dollah IS a real idiot...but this Kerpy boy is a pretender...not a real idiot...so when he laughs...his mind is planing how to put me in his shit hole..no more ISA...just shit holes.......and I am the first.
Will support.. People's Party...to get protections...and to put all weird guys...like him ...out of jobs and out of business.

Sapphire said...

Well written article.