Monday, May 19, 2008

Macam2 Hari Ada Part III

Taking the cue from Cikgu Nazir and Doc Tokasid, I thought I’d add on a few more suggestions of secular holidays that deserve some recognition but may have overlooked by many.

Unknown to Malaysians, I have actually ditched my ambition of becoming the prime minister and decided to go for a grander thing. In fact I have been cracking my head plotting and scheming since yesterday in making sure my plan of toppling whoever fuck’s helming the UN currently will be a great success.

Manifestos however are the least I have in mind because this shit is as good as committing perjury. But I do have some proposals up my sleeve worth taking into account.

After getting feedbacks from my ADCs, apple-polishers and admirers alike, scraping the 3-day weekend off that I’ve been working on seems to be a clever move for now because according to rakyat marhain, life for them would be more meaningful if they could serve me longer in a week. Apparently hand-kissing and ass-licking are part of their OTs, as I found out.

So anyway, after putting on my thinking cap for a long period of time, I’ve come up with new annual days I think the world should at least try to consider giving these days a holiday spot in our yearly calendar.

a. World’s Cross-dressing Day.
b. International Lighter’s Day.
c. Terrorists' Independence Day.
d. International Brothers’ Day

a. This proposed day should not be mistaken with the annual Gay Pride’s Day. Cross-dressing Day is all about appreciating the opposite gender that we know deep down inside, we are all guilty of taking our spouses/family/relatives/friends of the opposite sex for granted at least 450 times before.

Putting on opposite sex’s clothes is how this day should be celebrated, thus the aptly proposed name. This is the main reason why it should be a holiday, to spare oneself from the embarrassment and inevitably being laughed at a great deal.

b. I’d propose this day in remembrance of hundreds of Alladins/Crickets and two Zippo lighters I have either used up till the last drop of gas, misplaced or stolen down the years since I took my first puff. Not sure why this should be a holiday but since neither are anyone, I’ll go ahead with the proposal.

c. Just for one day, we should give these guys a break. Living in a enclosed room with only a video cam in the middle of the desert doesn’t sound like fun to me. They should be given a day off to do groceries or something without the bugging thoughts of them redneck Americans trailing hot on their asses. Those jobless Human Rights activists should really take note of this.

d. Just like the Father/Mother’s Day celebration, Brothers’ Day is one annual day that deserves a spot on the calendar. But unlike the parents’ day, Brother’s Day should rightly be an off-day so that on the eve of BD, we brothers can slug it out without our parents/spouse’s interference. All the dissatisfactions accumulated throughout the year over a piece of land for instance, can be straighten out. Head-butting must be made legal for this occasion hence the need for a holiday the next 24 hours, ample time to treat your battered face and wounded ego.

I’ve got more of them new days sitting pretty at the back of my head waiting to be proposed but this shit is getting ridiculously waaaaay stupid for everyone’s reading. Before I am accused of insulting one’s intelligence, I should get off now. Babye.


In commemorating with The Wesak Day- another holiday- which happens to be today, I strongly disassociate the gibberish written above with this religious occasion, celebrates by our Buddhist and Hindu friends throughout the country.


cakapaje said...

Salam kerpie,

Yo bro! Proposal b makes you sound like a Sarkas freak especially this part "Not sure why this should be a holiday but since neither are anyone, I’ll go ahead with the proposal".

But I like proposal d. You got your glove on already? :)

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

tuan shah,

proposal b was mooted becuase for the past one week, i lost 3 cricket lighters.

for proposal d, i'm well prepared. gonna dance like a butterfly and hit you all under the belt...kahkah...i am the gretest cheater.

Pi Bani said...

We already have too many public holidays lah. How about scraping all the present holidays and declare public holidays only for each of the following 7 days:

1. Mon Day
2. Tues Day
3. Wednes Day
4. Thurs Day
5. Fri Day
6. Satur Day
7. Sun Day

Kata Tak Nak said...

1. World Ice Day
2. Suffiah Day
3. Botak Chin Day
4. Bentong Kali Day
5. Mamak Gang Day
6. Kamasutra Day (kerp can explain what we are required to do on this day.

tokasid said...

Salam Ahmad Kerpov:

Proposal for World Lighters' Day had been supported by lighter manufacturerr all over the world esp by EskimoLighter Company.
This will not be celebrated during daytime but at night.World citizens are required to lihgt up the lighters for 15 minutes or until their thumbs scalded.
All the Electric company will turn ogg power generators between 11.45 pm -12.00 am.

anfield devotee said...

Partai Porno's manifesto: Two days a week (aside from weekends) must be dedicated to the pursuit of smut . . . online or otherwise he he!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Kak Pi,

Good idea. Then I can totally stop thinking of ways to have 3-day weekend off…hehehe…


Ahh…yes as you may have expected, no 6 attracts my attention the most. On this very day a holiday is required to avoid adultery in offices.


Salam tuan. Good idea. Will propose to the relevant authority. But one thing about it is we may have to require a permit from the coppers or we’ll end up in jail. Nanti diorang kata kita buat candlelight vigil in support of all the ISA detainees. But then again, EskimoLighter can bail us out…hehehehe…

Bala Ji,

4 days of smut. What else could the rakyat wish for? And on top of that, lunch time will be extended for those into quickies.

anfield devotee said...

Yo kerp, this is strange. Monday. Boleh

anfield devotee said...

Dear All:

Please note that Kerp's blog is temporarily out of commission.

Fer some strange reason me has been able to access it via me office pc. So if any of you have managed to access his blog as me has & wondering where the fook is kerpie since last tuesday; well, its a technical gremlin. Not arrested under ISA . . .

Kerp urges you to be patient & he will be back again soon.