Friday, May 16, 2008

Not Quite a Loser

The other day, while choosing on interesting titles of erotic literature or literotica for short, meant to be read offline later, a phone call came in and as I had hoped, it was from the Subang JKM office to inform that I can come and collect the monthly allowance the next day.

So yesterday one of the ever reliable Mobiliti vans came to fetch me up and less than 10 minutes I was already at the front door of the office. As expected, being the 15th day of the month and all, the room was packed with people to claim their share of wealth. Being a cool and composed person that I am, I did what typically Malaysians would do; pushing and shoving, and within seconds I was already right in front of the line.

Once inside, sitting patiently amongst the early birds while waiting for my name to be called, it was only natural to look around observing people from all walks of life thronging JKM for all sorts of reasons.

In a packed hall, body odor poking through your nostril is not uncommon but thanks to the old folks, neither was the smell of minyak angin cap kapak, Zam-buk and Tiger Balms combined. To me however, it was the smell of wealth…and power.

Right. So anyway my name was called shortly after and apart from the officer’s fine knockers which was a welcoming change from the usual sight of crips on wheelchair since arrived, I was so pleased to receive the cash and relieved the process didn’t take long. Soon I was already on my way home with a broad evil smile, plotting on regaining my supremacy.

I am now back being a rich Malay. Not quite a billionaire, at least not yet but with this money I can now reclaim the power that I gave up when I was down some days ago.

Hey I’m fine. Its ok because normally Malay folks could see those even at the highest level up because they are sitting pretty on top. But however, when a friend is in deep shit, to them the depth of the stinkhole would more often than not, deeper than the abyss its not possible for the naked eyes to spot. Lumrah.

It's Ok really. What matters is now anyway. I am so rich I can afford 10kgs of rice every fortnightly.


anfield devotee said...

Ok everybody, drinks on Kerp! Let's go hang out in the hottest, trendiest & most expensive nitespot as befitting Mr Metrosexual here. Woo-hoo!

Kata Tak Nak said...

So tonight you go to the cigar bar and grope some arse okay?

Anonymous said...

yo..kerpov..such a funny post, did you contributed to those body odor? maybe not, if yes, you wouldnit know the difference kan?

As for the foodie thing in cambodia, I have no problem in eating anything anywhere...I stayed away from street food mainly for hygienic reasons and also mostly you and me cannot eat punya la...not halal!

You should have been a trengganu-rian (is this how they are called?) latest news show couple of billions were missing and didnt go to Deris!! You sure they didnt accidentally remitted to you? afterall, in our loving country, they should give lots of priority to OKUs and the hard core poor :(
anyway...after Tonle Sap, i promised not to whine about my lousy Gomen....for this week!

Let's talk about something more important than those missing billions...let's organise for our lunch next week. happy weekends and dont miss my post on angkor :)

Anonymous said...

oh ya..why do they make you guys go over to their office to collect the big cheques, why cant they just bank into your account? must have many digits in it, right?
and the previous post was fm me, but then I'm sure you oredi know hehehe M.kate

Raden Galoh said...

Hahahaha...since you are now a rich Malay..then can give Adam some prezzie eh? Hahahaha...

I like the smell of minyak angin faaaaarrrr better than the smell of baaaad body odor MAN!

when you grope some arse tonite don't forget to open both eyes..don't close even one okay? Hahahahaha


Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Bala Ji,

A metro dude should know all the trendy places in town, but I don’t. I was thinking about some cigar bar, as suggested by cikgu KTN above. Hey, I’m rich!


Good suggestion, only that whenever I’m out with pinky I have to behave. But seriously la cikgu, now I’m curious to know whats all this shit about cigar lounges/bars. Obviously its for the rich, which I am one but this rich man is the kampong-type la…hehe…too much sexual innuendos already. Gotta skip the grope part. Might freak people out.


Certainly not. deodorants is an essential item in the room. It would be a disaster if it runs out when I’m about to leave the house.

Yea, read your post on tonle sap lake. You know what,, I take some consolation the fact they are used to such living condition. For tourists, it may be an unfamiliar sight but while there just experience the different and wonderful culture while keep in mind they might, just night not be as bad as we may think they are. That way, you get to enjoy your trip more rather than feeling sorry. As always, I could be wrong.

Anyway, apparently a whopping rm3.3bil was missing since derih’s tenure as the MB. Oh, and he knows nuts about it. errm…this is 3billion we’re dealing with you know, not just a 300 freakin bucks that I get from JKM yesterday.

Talking about JKM, they’ll only bank in to my acc for next month’s pay. According to them I was a month late in opening my bank acc. Remember my grumble about bank pertanian? Yup, that one. thanks sis!

*next week? Weekdays or the weekend?

kak D!

eh, don’t talk about groping la…malu je…hehhehe…sex has been featured in this blog a little too much I might freak some ladies out. hahaha…

trust me kak D, I can promise you I’m capable of providing adam (and idris!) some brotherly advice. This is simply priceless, in comparison to the ManU kit suggested over at your blog..hihi…

*hugs* to ya too!!

Pi Bani said...

My dear Kerp the OKU (Orang Kaya Universe...)

JKM never fails to amaze me. Based on the experience my clients had to go through, kejap suruh buka akaun CIMB, kejap suruh buka akaun Maybank, and in your case, kena buka akaun A GRO Bank (the jarak between the letter A and G disengajakan...)

Anyway, glad you're back to being a rich man...

Zabs said...

Salam Kerp,
Saya cuma beli 5kg beras je sebulan. Itu pun kekadang tak habis. Kami banyak makan di kedai je. Lagi jimat agaknya.

Tinesh said...

Dei! Blanja me one nice banana leave rice or nasi lemak and one pack Dunhill 14 yea?? :D:D

waterlily said...

Tak mau ketinggalan.

KFC boleh? :P

ps: Dah melawat Muha Aziz space?

the OKU (Orang Kaya Universe...)juga.

Kak Bani, pinjam istilah jap LOL.

Anba said...

Alo Kerp Bro...
Thnx for the hari guru Message...
Much appreciate it...bro..
my grandpa...used to say that
cigar is for men...cigarette's fer boys..hehehe
all the best bro..
my duit coming in on the 22nd..i hope i could make it to the sick of it all up with the gang..have a great weekend.

cakapaje said...

Salam kerpie,

Bro, only 10kgs every fortnightly? Haiyah! That's not your standard yet bro...the day you get 20kg, then I salute you? Heil kerpov! :)

Souzaco said...

share the wealth! lol

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Kak Pi!

Couldn’t agree with you more. JKM is living up to what they are known amid for the wrong reason; inconsistency.

Spoke to one lady I met and it was a pleasant short conversation that she hoped we’d meet again next month but I said my next payment will be banked into my acc. It hits on me when she replied, ‘don’t count on it!’.

*another new term for OKU, meant solely for me. thank you akak…heheehhehhe…

salam pak zabs,

dulu kalau nak berjimat, masak je kat rumah. Tapi sekarang dgn harga beras melambong ke tahap gila, lebih jimat makan kat kedai. So far restoran belum naikkan harga sepinggan nasi…moga2 berkekalan la…


No problem brother. sri devi? Paandi? Jaipur? Am a big fan of banana leaf rice…but cant go totally vegetable…must have some meat. Chicken, fish and papedom rumbe-rumbe, and I’m good to go.

Kak mar,

Boleh aje akak. insyaAllah mana la tau terserempak kat shopping mall ke, kita gi makan, my treat.

Nanti saya gi melawat encik muha punya blog.

Anba, sir!

Wise words from grandpa. Only that nowadays only the stinking rich gets to enjoy their thousand ringgit cigars in the the most comfortable atmosphere. I mean, they even have cigar lounges nowadays. Cant believe that shit.

• season’s over. Time to meet you guys. You suggest bala ji to organize. But definitely after SoiA’s gig.

Shah my man,

I’m talking financial-wise bro. price has ridiculously shot up. Gotta find an option. Noodles wont do it. maybe roti canai. Still, mampos satu hari takde nasik.


I am sharing…my happiness with you lot…kihkih…

Thanks for dropping by there.