Freak Show?

So our country is currently very much in deep political turmoil. Blowing up this, back-door penetration that and whatever fuck else.

Malice and more malice!

Its all about hatred. Every Malaysian politicians have abundance of that permanently clouding their heart. Its becoming part of their flesh and blood.

The latest being a racist-sow from Perak.

Should we really give a shit about what she had uttered when we always claim to be civilized and cultured? Getting into this will only endorse her inane mentality and automatically pull us down at her level. She’s a cunt, so lets just leave her at that.

Now anyway, no doubt I’ll be part of the audience, waiting in full anticipation how interestingly all the dramas will unfold. The excitement that engages our attention when the plot thickens. Laughs at one’s silliness, shed tears for someone’s misfortune. The shows will be without any affirmative ending.

These are all political games. One’s gain at the expense of one’s downfall. That’s politics for you.

That leaves us in the same puddle of mud we’re shoved into, living our lives making ends meet just to keep putting food on the table and fill up our car tanks. The only difference is, this shit aint no stage show. Pinch yourself hard and you’ll feel the pain…its fucking real, man.

Sabah

Hey, I was just thinking right…now that the federal government are focusing their attention heavily on Sabah, maybe this is the best opportunity for the disabled community there to come out and demand for their rights to be seriously looked into. With all the fracas currently surrounding the state, the timing couldn’t be more perfect than now. Just stick it in and push your luck, baaa…

Unless of course an MP/adun dies. But wishing for a by-election wouldn’t be so nice would it, its as good as praying for someone to fook off and die. Or whatever.

So anyway, it feels like eons ago since the last time we enjoyed a weekend. Now that I’ve got all the job done, I don’t see any reason to wait till everyone clocks out of their dreary cubicles before starting mine. Nope, no time for that man…kihkih…

So long, losers!

Free Goodies

Since I had all the time in the world last night, I thought its high time to catch up on some latest movies. No I did not go to any cinemas near-by. I mean, in order to change our lifestyle, it is not a good idea to watch movies in cinema when one can actually catch 2 films via DVD at a much cheaper price.

In a way what they are trying to tell us is to be frugal and support the pirates!

But I had something better up my sleeve. Instead of parting ways with a few bucks I earned, I decided to steal.

Yea you heard me right. I was at a friend’s house the other day and he had quite an impressive collection. So while he was bragging away how he can get DVD copies at the lowest price, I slipped in a few pieces into my bag without even looking at the title. As long as its free, I couldn’t care any less about the title. After all in these trying times the last thing you need is being choosy.

Then came back and analyzed over what I had looted.

There was The Hulk 2, Fantastic Four, a couple of latest Malay/Indon horror flicks and a copy of Japanese Upskirt compilation. Not bad.

And since there was no footie last night, I braved myself and went ahead to watch one of the two horror films called Congkak, one of strings of Malaysia’s latest horror flicks.

Not about to do a movie review here but I thought the movie wasn’t that bad, literally a movie to shout (and scream) about.

Well, poor those people involved in the making of this movie. No doubt there are those who would prefer to catch this one on a bigger screen with an imposing surround sound system, hence the production people makes some money out of these jackasses. But equally there are people like me who wouldn’t mind leading a more cheapskate way either to borrow/steal or deal with street peddlers that could save a few bucks.

Imagine how much profit they can make if it had not been for the recent essential goods crisis.

Sometimes by decree, its perfectly fine to be selfish.

New Cabinet (and Chairs)

In one of my entries last week, Someone, or possibly a robotic spammer had left a list of possible cabinet line-up for Pakatan Rakyat if ever they took the office in the near future. I stressed on that due to Mr Lim Kit Siang’s inclusion in the list. I mean, he wont be sticking around that much in a distance future, right? the last thing Malaysia need is another Lee Kuan Yew, or a Mr. Burns-like centenarian to get us out of any economic deep shit.

The usual suspects were unsurprisingly included - Anwar, Teresa, Jeff Ooi, Azmin, Teng, Sivarasa and even Farish whoeverhellheis- besides the DAP man himself.

YAWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN…

Nice try chief, but you left me out. Whether it was done on purpose or not, YOU…BELADI...LEFT…ME…OUT.

In case you didn’t know, I’ve been working hard, plotting my way up the political ladder through secret meetings with Yong Teck Lee, the founder cum CEO of YTL Corporation or something. Whatever.

What he and his party did had, to certain extent, widened the road in making ways for a new face to lead Malaysia, and that face belongs to me. I’m edging ever closer of seeing my dream becoming a reality while at one fell swoop hijacking Anwar’s ambitious attempt.

Once I’m in power, I’ll make sure half the cabinet post be taken up by my cronies.

Chong the quadriplegic veteran from Bentong will become the deputy PM uncontested. Then I’ll appoint my buddy Zulkafli to handle the finance ministry because he’s always broke. While another best pal Zahidi will take the Works ministry portfolio due to his wheelchair’s regular need of a repair.

Here’s the full crippled cabinet list, followed by yours truly’s desperate need of catching up with some sleep.

PM- ME.
DPM/Minister Mentor- Chong Tuck Meng
Finance- Zulkafli
Transport- Kalimathru (deceased)
Law- Jef
Sports- Lim (not related to LKS)
Works- Zahidi
Defense- Insp Syukri
Information- Subra
Home- Nigella Lawson
Agriculture-Husni
Foreign- Zulaffendi
Health- Me
Tourism- Felipe Massa
Technology- Firdaus
Education- Weezer

---------------------------------------------


This is a dedication to all my wheelchair comrades, a category of friend who sticks around and be there for one another through thick and thin, rain or shine, good and bad times. Unlike some worthless, self-centered relatives, they’re great buddies to a certain degree I regard as my own flesh and blood.

Councilor On Wheels

I had wanted to post a different entry this morning but as I was going through today’s newspapers, I stumbled upon this piece of news that deserves immediate attention.


Disabled rep among 24 new city councillors in MBPJ

By DEBBIE CHAN and TAN KARR WEI


THE Petaling Jaya City Council will have, for the first time, representation from the disabled community on its board of councillors.

Animal Assisted Therapy for the Disabled and Elderly Association president Anthony Thanasayan is one of the 24 newly chosen councillors for the MBPJ.


Anthony has been fighting for the rights of the disabled community for years and his selection as a city councillor will definitely enhance the cause of the disabled in PJ.




Never mind the detractors, the Selangor State Government led by Tan Sri Khalid Ibrahim do care!

Anthony, a wheelchair-user himself, has always been fighting for the rights of the disabled community and with his inclusion as one of the decision-making councilors will certainly to give the disabled community the much-needed booster to take us to a greater heights.

Congrats, Mr T. I’m sure all our wheel-comrades will be grinning from ear to ear to hear of this appointment. Its been long overdue but finally the powers-that-be had some sense in them to distribute their authority to be put in good use.

Passing Gas

A neighbor came back from her kampong last week and brought us a plastic bag full of fresh tapiocas. With all the crazy hoo-ha surrounding the nation that we are encouraged to change on our lifestyle I thought ok, why not, I’ll give it a shot. No big fucking deal, right?

So the next day I completely changed on my diet intake and switched from rice to tapiocas and had hoped with ample supply of tapiocas, I would be able to go on at least 3 days without a single grain of rice.

That same night however, I was back pigging out 2 plates of nasi goreng.

No, it wasn’t about the taste. In fact it tasted good but the after-effect of consuming this thing that actually put me off; I can’t stop farting.

Seriously, I kept passing methane gas practically throughout the whole evening and went on till the next afternoon.

It was so bad I woke up at 5 that particular morning and stayed in the bathroom till almost 6am.

No wait. I didn’t sleep at all that night. I was watching a euro game but only half-enjoyed the match because I was grasping my breath silly trying to hold the crap until the final whistle blows. It was crazy shit literally I almost made a real mess in bed.

Imagine if Pak Dol were to endorse this proposal, he’ll be farting mad while giving speeches before an audience consists of useless world leaders.

I wonder if the person who mooted this idea had himself stopped buying rice in exchange for the supposedly more economical alternative instead, in this case, tapioca?

Dude, how about forwarding this idea to the PM, DPM and the ministers and if they dug it, expect a Tunship to come your way, or else quit being a smart aleck ass.

Two-finger Salute: Salyut

Kami Bersamamu

Aku marhaein,

Aku sudah hidup dengan cara marheinku

Jangan kau ajar aku berjimat

Pada kamu berjimat

Padaku mencatu...

Excerpts taken off Waterlily’s honest, right-in-the-crotch, wonderfully written poem entitled Aku Marhaen.

I can always get it translated to Spanish for my Argentinean gnome friends’ better understanding but it wouldn’t turn out as beautiful as the original Malay version of it.

Basically this was her immediate response on the recent fuel price hike, how once a tough life suddenly gets tougher and making ends meet becomes a real struggle.

Go read the full version here because if you don’t, a Malaysian gnome (toyol) will intrude your home, install a cam in the bathroom and make a reality show out of your life.


*Like me, she’s a green-card holder. A cerebral Palsy but with a big heart and has plenty to contribute in making sure our country is a sufferable place to live in.

Green Campaign

Believe it or not but once upon a time at some stage of my life, I had seriously thought of joining the Greenpeace. Well, not exactly one of those guys in 2-sitter canoe stalling and blocking the pathway of a colossal Queen Victoria-like ship, protesting against the hunting of humpback whales. I’m not that ambitious by the way.

In my mind, I imagined to be something like, say, a tree-hugger. A tree-hugger who cant bear the sight of a logger.

However during one of the trips up the KL Tower I noticed we are actually surrounded by jungles and I thought hey, fuck the future generation. We have abundance of tree still that I hope the trees will only be wiped out by development once I’m already on my deathbed.

So naturally I ditched the idea until recently when a certain greedy developer, backed by a certain party decided to milk in some cash at the expense of mother nature and in the process destroying a lake surrounded by lush greenery.

That was when I renewed my ambition and play a more active role in making sure the environment we live in is breathable.

So when the World Environmental Day got underway last week, and being fully aware I should play some part due to my status as an environmentalist, I got down to work albeit unconventionally.

Planting tree sucks ass. Planting trees are either for kids or politician posing for the camera and all the boring shit. Get bent, guys. Should have tried something more unique.

I on the other hand, did something original.

When I needed to smoke, I locked myself in the room with all the windows tightly shut.

I only flushed the WC after the fourth time taking my leak.

If had wanted to take a dump, I would have made sure I’d take another 3 more times before flushing down all the crap. But glad I didn’t need to do any serious business that day. Conserving water is also part of saving the environment incase you didn’t know yet.

I blew my nose with only 2 pieces of tissue paper used throughout the day. The trick is to fold it over and over again until every inch of the tissue paper is used. Imagine if thousand of people practice on this same method, we could at least save one tree.

I know, some may say its too small a contribution and how tiny a difference it would make.

The question should be this instead. As a citizen of the Earth, what have YOU done on your part?

Nursery Crime

For the past 2-3 weeks, I’ve been helping mom baby-sitting my niece and nephews. Not that I’m complaining. Why should I because in the first place it has been fun. I get to watch repeats of Barney the retarded purple dinosaur and sing the catchiest number 1 nursery rhyme hit single Skip To My Lou, where the song goes something like “Ants on the apple a, a, a, a..’. it was so catchy I think it’ll permanently stuck in my head.

Hmm…

Dude! I said my wish was to be the coolest uncle, not a loser.

Since I wanted to get away from the chaotic routine so much, I got my well-deserved break over the weekend, albeit an eventful one.

It started off on Friday, with all the hype surounding a certain nobody enjoying his one day of fame thanks to one Sheila Rahman, he was actually the toast of the week. But I can confirm with everyone that this dude will not lose his head and last time checked, he still had his feet figuratively on the ground.

With that said, I can now write on what I like to write best; bragging.

Now that I’m universally famous, I feel it’s the right time to renew my ambition of forming and managing a techno/punk band and name it The Elementals. Its kinda weird you know for out of sudden it was all about trolls this, toyol that, leprechauns this and all the dwarf-y mythical creatures here, there and under your bed and inside your panty drawer, its everywhere. Not just in my blog, but at least a couple of others as well.

Anyway, someone said this name would fit a disco gay group more, maybe he was a huge fan of the Village People I don’t know but still I’m sticking to this cool band name.

Right, so that settles it then. The Elementals. The first thing I need to do as the manager is to gather talented bunch of musicians, preferably midgets. This will come in handy because I can foresee that nosey showbiz journalists will have that typical ‘why the name Elementals?’ question posed. Besides, nobody can give those Blue Man Group freaks a run for their money than a bunch of cool little people musicians.

And what better ways to start right away than to do covers of nursery rhymes, with a Biafra-like lyrical twist.

It would be something like, ‘Anus is an asshole a, a, a’ or ‘Cats are cunts c, c, c’ or better still *‘D----- is dreaming d, d, d’.

I’ve got some shit coming up in a bit that if I don’t quit this I may lose out on a bigger opportunity that comes a knocking on the front door. It’s the biggest so far and I am keen to go further if given the chance and ample time to gather my confidence that has been missing in my life for more than a decade now. Pray for me friends!

* the name has been censored due to this blogger’s recent exposure in the MSM.

Pet...Troll

Now everyone’s feeling the pinch. No, let me rephrase that. Now everyone’s feeling the punch. I’m feeling it too because I’m not a minister.

My dad drives, my girlfriend drives and in fact except for my mom, the whole family drives/owns at least one vehicle. We can grunt till the wee hours but like it or not, we still need a car to get to work. Like it or not, we still need to pump in petrol in order to get the vehicle moving and like it or not, we still have to fork out 41% more starting from yesterday and leaves a huge hole in our wallet.

Now where would that leave us, the average wage-earning Malaysians?

One solution is to compare to other Asian countries as it is supposed to make us feel good. Try that at home and voila, problem solved.

The other would be to change our lifestyle because the clever people up there believes if you don’t, a platoon of gnomes will break into your home, steal all the valuable items they can get their hands on and eat one side of your ass before making their escape

If you’re one lucky dude, Smurfette may just fondle your balls before making the exit with her loot, consisting of 20kg of Basmati Moghul Faezah and your Shell premium card.

I think I’ll go for the second solution and slightly change on my lifestyle.

For a start, I will only purchase pirated DVDs and watch them over at a friend’s house because since electricity tariff will also inevitably increase, it would be a real waste to switch your television and DVD player running for two long hours. And the time have to be perfect too. Make sure you know when’s exactly your friend’s meal time, that’s when you come knocking on their door. Langkah kanan. Preferably during lunch because that’s when rice are served in typical Malaysian household.

Imagine how much I can save up for being a tight-fist bastard. That’s always been about it anyway, when we are asked to change our lifestyle, in other words they’re telling us to be a cheapskate.

* Title stolen from Shah the TalkOnly guy.

Thumbs Up: Land Molestation

Few residents suggested the lake to be developed into a recreational area instead of bull-dozing and steam-rolling it into another commercial mall. I think that would be a wiser move.

Maybe I should retract some of my words from the previous entry. I had said I was totally against the raping of this lake from them greedy developer, and I’m sticking to what I stood for. But never I am against any kinds of development completely. So for the benefit of residents living in and around this area, the developer can go ahead and molest the lake for the sole purpose of beautifying it.

In his comment, Pak Idrus had mentioned something about turning it into a green lung area for the residents to just chill and unwind. You know, ala New York’s Central Park. That’s a long-shot but good idea nonetheless. What I had in mind however, is something more like, say…Disneyland. Or better still, Las Vegas.

Ok whatever. My point is, Puncak Dana (the developer) can fondle and grope as hard as they wish but as long as the lake stays and remains a virgin, I am all for it.

Otherwise, they should just lay off.

Land Rapist

Being part of a close-knit neighborhood, I feel it is my obligation to play a more pro-active role or at least show my support especially when our surrounding condo area is at stake.

Not that I’ve done much but when a certain project is to be carried out by the money-grabbing developer, and against the majority residents wish, the latter can count on my total support.

The thing is, as we found out last week, we are actually on the brink of losing the lake situated across our condo, and this was one of the main reasons we bought our units here.

About a month ago, some residents noticed something amiss when the lake’s water level has drastically dropped. Some of us had even witnessed a few workers carrying out the draining off exercise. After much inquisition from the party concerned (the developer) then only we learned the lake will have to make way for a new shopping mall to be built!

And I was like, holy fuckerino, not another mall??

The lake as we were informed, belonged to Yayasan Selangor. Yayasan Selangor as the name even suggested, belongs to the state government, past and automatically the present when the latter won the last GE. Not that I’m about to take a swipe at anyone but when the developer bought the land from Yayasan Selangor, the deal was clinched during the previous G’s tenure.

Smells rather fishy but giving them some benefits, their intention could be a state development-related. But still, not another fucking mall when we already have abundance of shopping malls in and around the area.

Because of greed, normally nature has to be sacrificed. I’m not the best person to talk about environmentalism because I smoke, I litter and I pee in bushes but when a serene and peaceful environment that I’ve grown fond with is to be bulldozed to make way for some shitty development, that’s where I draw the line.

Now that the current crop of excos are from a different set of state government, they are our only hopes of seeing the lake remains untouched. Let them money-crazy developer rape other parts of Selangor for all I care but please, use your power and authorization and help us save OUR LAKE. Thank you.

YBs R SIVARASA, and ELI, sweet sweet ELI, walk with us!

Pics stolen from El Zorro

Read Unker Zorro for more.