Monday, June 9, 2008

Nursery Crime

For the past 2-3 weeks, I’ve been helping mom baby-sitting my niece and nephews. Not that I’m complaining. Why should I because in the first place it has been fun. I get to watch repeats of Barney the retarded purple dinosaur and sing the catchiest number 1 nursery rhyme hit single Skip To My Lou, where the song goes something like “Ants on the apple a, a, a, a..’. it was so catchy I think it’ll permanently stuck in my head.


Dude! I said my wish was to be the coolest uncle, not a loser.

Since I wanted to get away from the chaotic routine so much, I got my well-deserved break over the weekend, albeit an eventful one.

It started off on Friday, with all the hype surounding a certain nobody enjoying his one day of fame thanks to one Sheila Rahman, he was actually the toast of the week. But I can confirm with everyone that this dude will not lose his head and last time checked, he still had his feet figuratively on the ground.

With that said, I can now write on what I like to write best; bragging.

Now that I’m universally famous, I feel it’s the right time to renew my ambition of forming and managing a techno/punk band and name it The Elementals. Its kinda weird you know for out of sudden it was all about trolls this, toyol that, leprechauns this and all the dwarf-y mythical creatures here, there and under your bed and inside your panty drawer, its everywhere. Not just in my blog, but at least a couple of others as well.

Anyway, someone said this name would fit a disco gay group more, maybe he was a huge fan of the Village People I don’t know but still I’m sticking to this cool band name.

Right, so that settles it then. The Elementals. The first thing I need to do as the manager is to gather talented bunch of musicians, preferably midgets. This will come in handy because I can foresee that nosey showbiz journalists will have that typical ‘why the name Elementals?’ question posed. Besides, nobody can give those Blue Man Group freaks a run for their money than a bunch of cool little people musicians.

And what better ways to start right away than to do covers of nursery rhymes, with a Biafra-like lyrical twist.

It would be something like, ‘Anus is an asshole a, a, a’ or ‘Cats are cunts c, c, c’ or better still *‘D----- is dreaming d, d, d’.

I’ve got some shit coming up in a bit that if I don’t quit this I may lose out on a bigger opportunity that comes a knocking on the front door. It’s the biggest so far and I am keen to go further if given the chance and ample time to gather my confidence that has been missing in my life for more than a decade now. Pray for me friends!

* the name has been censored due to this blogger’s recent exposure in the MSM.


minahkaypoh said...

i like ur mother goose

misery crymes

sib baik sampai 'd' jek

kalo lu countinue sampai 'f'


lu bagi wa chill bumps lar, bro

jahanam anak org

Anba said...'s me email add

senorita.. said...

i cannot stop laughing... lol

i thot u wanted to say the famous Barney song "i love you.. u love me... etc" nv heard of any 'Skip to my Lou'... but then again, i don't watch Barney..

ps:u're a cool uncle

wanshana said...


I bet you're one of the coolest uncles around that your wheels could just freeze at your touch. Hehehe!

Oh my! I'm SO familiar with that Skip to My Lou alphabet song. Hilman would sing it in the car - A to Z NON-STOP when he was doing his Victoria Readers a few years back. I was beginning to succeed in erasing it from my head until you brought it back here!!! Aaaaarrrggghhh!!!

anfield devotee said...

still think its sounds rather gay . . .

Tinesh said...

It is gay! EleMENTALS would be better la. My cousin has been throwing names like wolfspider and eagleowl. Wtf rite? haha

OMG! A blogger in MSM!! Isnt that like some anti blog move? lol

Raden Galoh said...

This is why I love you loads la bro... you always know to tickle me with your high level of humor....

Elemenatal? In Javanese we use mentel...but it means mengada-ngada...harrr harrr harrrr


tokasid said...

Salam Comrade Ahmad kerpovmovic:

You baby sitting??
Now,now.....I better check on those kids in 15 years time to see if any cerebral damages you've done to them.

There's one Barney song that you missed:"Tidurlah wahai PM ku" its actually a P.Ramlee song Tidurlah wahai permaisuri ku.

About the Elementals...hmmm nice name you got there.
For the alphabet T it can be made into a totally new somh: T is Tidurrr....a,a,a....

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


Eh, mana ada jahanam anak orang. This song will only be marketed in argentina, where elementals live...hehehehe...

*thanks for dropping by.


Thanks bro. will send you the soft copy soon.

Hola senorita!

How could I forget that song? i can sing the whole song and they’ll be proud to have their own barney in their own backyard. And only those with toddlers at home are familiar with that skip to my lou alphabet song. it can really drive you nuts.

Kak shana,

Aww…you’re so sweet la kak shana. Hehehe…trying to be cool I a, that’s for sho.

Yea, THAT song! its madness la I tell you. I bet while driving tomorrow you’ll have the tune playing at the back of your head. This song is a real killer.

*will hop over later tonight. I have the feeling CC’s back!

*need your email add!


Everybody, Bala’s a huge fan of the Village People and Culture Club!


Bands with animal names certainly sounds gay. Have you been mixing around with them queer boys ka bro?

Once I made it to big time, I’ll ditch you all and only brush shoulders with kalimullah and wong chun wai.

*need your email add.

Kak D!

Love you loads too! hehe…but no big deal la…you just never know what Monday blues can produce.

Ahh yes, mentel…and all this while I thought it was ambong, hence the jalok ambong. Should have been jalok mentel then…hehehehe



ahh, I knew somehow nobody would notice it. the D was changed due to the sensitivity of its name. I wouldn’t want to get into trouble would i? hehehe…

*jaga anak2 buah je. You get what I mean since you know part of the story. Tough la doc.

wanshana said...


It's :)

Kata Tak Nak said...

What about the incrementals as in the price of petrol

Anonymous said... kids loved that songs, kept seeing the same tape over and over again!! then, I got to like it and now you've butchered it!!

Tinesh said...

My cousin la..telling the cibai its damn gay, but the bugger is like fuck no it's kewl lol..

Ditch la bugger, ditch. Your ass kena screw by them then dont come bcak running to us kakaka

Violet said...

your recent MSM exposure. wow...ape cer ni bro? i missed out a lot of things

btw... i am back to blogosphere.


Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Kak shana,

Thanks. Check your inbox.


The incrementals consists of the toyol-kind…very evil type…the one that steals money.


Hey, I used to love that song too until it was being overplayed my ears couldn’t take it. imagine I can now sing along with the kids! what a loser.

T man,

Ya la bro. now you say its your cousin la. You sure you’re straight? Kahkah…

*check your inbox.

Yo radz,

Where have you been lately? Its like you’re missing the world la sis. gimme your email add and you’ll find out.

Tinesh said...

Dude, it's 4.05 in the morning. Im sneaky-using the pc (class at 8 ma)..Just read your interview and I cant say how much Im proud of you la!

I noe, I noe, sounds like a gay moment but trust me, it's more like brotherly love :P

Salt & Turmeric said...

how come i dunno anything abt the msm? uv got to email or ym me the details ok?

talking abt nieces/nephews. i still dont kno any kids song nor do i kno how to change diapers. haha. im so bad kan? i was pretty garang with them but spoiled them materially.

Pi Bani said...

Aiyah... this one Elementals ka or sakitmentals??

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


Dude, you could have emailed me la if you wish to get all soapy….hehehhehe..but I get your drift brother, and thanks a lot. I’m glad to have a very supportive friend in you. just as long you don’t say things like ‘I’m right behind you’ then we’re cool…..hehehhee

yo Farina,

it is our duty, uncles/aunties to spoil our nieces/nephews rotten. Just like you la, when my nephew soils his diapers or even to feed for that matter, I’ll pass it on to my mom/sis inlaw….they’re the experts in this department.

*check your inbox.

Kak Pi,

Hhehehehehe…I knew you’d come out with a twisted version of this…cool la nama ni for a band. But allmembers are of sound mind la ofcos.

cakapaje said...

Salam bro,

Er...this rhyme, you want it featured where? lol! I think Adam and The Ants would welcome you gladly :)

Tinesh said...

Hahaha!! Im not in front of you either la

Bernard said...

Rawk on la braderrrr....

Could your first release be a punk version of 'Skip to My Lou'??

Dah-lah dapat 1 page kat akhbar, nak jadi rawk star pulak! Any smashing or burning of guitars & chucking TV's out of hotel rooms in the pipeline then?? Not to mention the groupies...

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Shah my man,

this song is better than any of all of Adam's hits. this after all, is listened by all kids worldwide! hehehehe...


kerja bersama saya, bukan untuk saya.


nice to have you here, tuan!

the punk version of skip to my lou would sound interesting but since some dude had actually instrumentalised it with a Banjo, the song suddenly becomes corrupted la.

Violet said...

bro, my email add