Thursday, June 5, 2008

Pet...Troll

Now everyone’s feeling the pinch. No, let me rephrase that. Now everyone’s feeling the punch. I’m feeling it too because I’m not a minister.

My dad drives, my girlfriend drives and in fact except for my mom, the whole family drives/owns at least one vehicle. We can grunt till the wee hours but like it or not, we still need a car to get to work. Like it or not, we still need to pump in petrol in order to get the vehicle moving and like it or not, we still have to fork out 41% more starting from yesterday and leaves a huge hole in our wallet.

Now where would that leave us, the average wage-earning Malaysians?

One solution is to compare to other Asian countries as it is supposed to make us feel good. Try that at home and voila, problem solved.

The other would be to change our lifestyle because the clever people up there believes if you don’t, a platoon of gnomes will break into your home, steal all the valuable items they can get their hands on and eat one side of your ass before making their escape

If you’re one lucky dude, Smurfette may just fondle your balls before making the exit with her loot, consisting of 20kg of Basmati Moghul Faezah and your Shell premium card.

I think I’ll go for the second solution and slightly change on my lifestyle.

For a start, I will only purchase pirated DVDs and watch them over at a friend’s house because since electricity tariff will also inevitably increase, it would be a real waste to switch your television and DVD player running for two long hours. And the time have to be perfect too. Make sure you know when’s exactly your friend’s meal time, that’s when you come knocking on their door. Langkah kanan. Preferably during lunch because that’s when rice are served in typical Malaysian household.

Imagine how much I can save up for being a tight-fist bastard. That’s always been about it anyway, when we are asked to change our lifestyle, in other words they’re telling us to be a cheapskate.

* Title stolen from Shah the TalkOnly guy.

30 comments:

cakapaje said...

Salam kerpie,

Aren't we all? Well, at least those who voted the Sarkas back into power...cheapskates!

Come, join us for the carnival! I can push you. And when I'm tired, you sit on the roadside while I wheel on, lol!

Kata Tak Nak said...

I think the demand for toyols, no not Toyo, there will never be a demand for him, would increase ten folds. Maybe even Toyols would ask for an increase in salary. Hey these are bad times man.

jaflam said...

Hai Kerp,
It’s a tragedy having those half baked, second rated, recon minister and pirates of the Caribbean as custodian of National Treasure and Kitchen Cabinet.

It’s ok for them to make any kind of rubbish rules and policy because they are living on free luxury.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Shah the man,

Prior to this, I was quite generous, and I’m serious. Now tho, I may have to think twice even to part ways with a stick of ciggy.

• would love to join but depends on my mom’s mood that day too…hehehhe


cikgu,

hehehhehehhe…yea man, everyone, including the mythical creatures are feeling the pinch. not sure about toyo tho, he’s a former mb I’m sure he has lotsa dosh.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Dato J,

Exactly what my mom said. those ministers don’t feel what the rakyat feels. They have all kinds of allowances and perks the last thing have in mind is to worry. I don’t think they’ll switch to cheaper brand of rice. On petrol and toll especially, I’m sure they can claim from the gomen. The rakyat on the other hand will koyak…

Tinesh said...

Im fucked! No more stealing my dad's car. Think i wana buy a bike la. pukimakbabiguling!

Anonymous said...

Kerpov.

Let me see, firstly KJ will change into a Kancil, afterall he's not working. Secondly, all those Ministers' wives will have to cut down on those LV and Guccis, third..the rest of us just cut down on travelling, eating, shopping, holidaying, everything lah because like it or not, you can't go on strike on the fuel, you gotta move around no matter what! Now, when the entire chain of cutting down moves, it will push the economy into the dumps (its already downwards by the way cos everyone's biz is super slow). When everyone is not spending, what will happen the the economy? Notice NO ONE talks about improving the economy or giving it a boost. I now know many people suffering from the effect of poor economy while our Ministers fight with their balls swinging at each other. Very soon, you'll see Vietnam doing better than us, Thailand is already overtaking us now. And we'll have nothing to glorify, except those shiny twin towers. What will happen when the fuel goes up to RM4? Will be go into a recession? I sure think we are, so brace yourself not only for the slowdown but the looming recession. Now i've got to put my rabbits on a diet (hehe, and maybe they'll have to cut subsidies for OKU even. What a deranged gomen. Where does the saved subsidy goes? and aint petronas making more $$ with the price hike? pi mampus la

MK

Anonymous said...

i meant pi mampus Gomen...

anfield devotee said...

smurfette fondling yer balls? what porno site have you been er smyrfing la dude ha ha?

Fook me, even with a small 1.6 me feels the pinch. Imagine those who drive cars with bigger engines.

How bout those who drive 4X4 fer buisness reasons. At RM2.58 per litre & a hefty road tax bill, they are screwed!

Moz is that you? Yo, you coming fer our get-together on 12 July? Pls see me blog fer details.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

T brother man,

Here’s a suggestion. Make sure your dad has fueled up before stealing the car. You’ll save a lot.


Mary!

KJ to switch to kancil? It would be like Malaysia to win the football world cup. Dream on!

I don’t mean to freak us all out but again, in football, we used to be superior than the likes of Thailand and Vietnam but now we’re mere minnows in this regent. My fear wold be just that. Economically if Vietnam are better than us, that would only mean we’re doomed.

5 years down the road and we cant see much progress. Developments are at slow pace and as a result people chokes from all the price hiking, especially on consumer goods.

Yes, you may have to let all your 9 rabbits to roam freely and eat wild grass by the road side, with your daughters’ supervision of course…hehehe…


Bala,

No la boss, that was marykate. Mozz did inform me he’ll be away for 2 weeks, could be doing an Anba too.

Now I’ll feel bad la to get a ride from me dad to take me to places. I can always tong2 the fuel but being a great dad he will always decline. Gotta minimize my outing la.

Real cibai la this.

20 Cent said...

Dude, I can't believe it. The first time I bought the Malay Mail (purely out of curiosity) I saw a feature about about you!

A whole page! Sure, when I kick the bucket they'll put a picture of myself in the papers (if anyone cares), but you got a whole page!

Man, I know a celebrity ;)

Anonymous said...

Anok Oghe Tupat - AKA Org Minyak Yg Dah X leh Jadi Org Minyak Sbb Minyak Naik. Tq F**k Lah.

SKARANG NI AKU DOK MENYUMPAH SETIAP PENGUNDI X KIRALAH DIA PENGUNDI BETUL KER PENGUNDI HANTU YANG MANA MENGUNDI B*BI NASIONAL (BN). KERANA MEREKALAH SELURUH RAKYAT MALAYSIA MENDERITA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr Blog ahmadatalib.blogspot.com

* kerajaan kita tak berhati perut!
* tak boleh buat beransur-ansur kah?
* saya pakai kereta Perodua Kancil. Kenaikkan ini menjejaskan hidup saya
* kalau macam ni, macam mana nak pergi cuti dan jalan-jalan cari makan
* What! They think we are millionaires ah!
* I regret voting the Barisan Nasional and put them back into power
* Is this how they return our faith and trust?
* BN menang pilihanraya, rakyat menderita
* Memang betullah orang kata BN tu maknya Barang Naik!
* Kalau ya pun nak naikkan harga, takkan tak boleh buat berperingkat
* Dahlah naikkan harga minyak, RTM pula cuba nak bagi hati kita sedap tetapi mereka tak ikhlas
* Tak boleh pakailah dia ni!
* Kita kena ajar BN di pemilihan akan datang
* Menteri memang mudah cakap, tetapi kita rakyat biasa yang bisa
* Dengan cara macam ni BN harap nak kembali berkuasa di Pulau Pinang, Kedah, Perak dan Selangor? Pergi jalan dah!
* Kerajaan dah bayangkan nak naik harga, tetapi tak sangka sampai begini!
* Apa dah jadi?

Anba said...

Bro...
were you featured in Malay Mail Bro...
whats it abt...anyway Congrats!!!
Pet Troll...hehehe...
Nice One..
but sad story...
hope it has an even sadder ending...
Have a nice weekend everyone...
Take Hair

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Yo veej,

My celeb status makes me realize I should REALLY really change my lifestyle. I’m ditching rice/roti canai for more exquisite taste i.e caviar. Gonna start lepak in bangsar/kiara now, every weekend, no less…hehehhehe…

Kidding bro. thanks for reading tho…hehehe…regards to yati.


Anon,

Aku faham bro. semua terasa. Cekik beb. Keputusan yang diambik terburu-buru sangat.


Anba,

Yea man. you can read it via online since you’re in ipoh. But will send you the soft copy once I got it from Sheila rahman.

I know it’s a long time coming but do let us know when exactly the big day.

Tinesh said...

Nola, he said i cant take the car out for a walk anymore :(

And u were in Malay Mail??? Walau macha, gotta start hanging out with u more often la..Become fehmes thru u hahah

monsterball said...

Now in Malay Mail...one full page.
Talk like that...next will be Straits times....one full page.
And three years from now...People's Party will go after you...like your back side...so nice to play..to stand for election.
Regret you did not mention....monsterball..the joy of your blog.....hahahahahahaha

monsterball said...

Those who voted for UMNO with high hopes...will suffer the most.
Those who voted against UMNO are used to sufferings.
Those who just started to vote for oppositions...like kerp..and many more...were wise...and beginning to understand UMNO needs to do that...to cover up their own asses.....loosing billions upon billions...and now with 5 States and KL..out of their control....so ..cannot juggle like before.
You see...previously...as shown by Mahathir...being a daylight robber.no fear..if you know how to rob legally. So all UMNO and BN ministers follow suit and CALL him.. a hero.
Somehow...majority Muslims are satisfied by the explaination...robbing others .....is not a sin.....but I wonder...if all Muslims UNDERSTANDS......"Petronas"....belongs to all Malaysians...and money taken by UMNO for themselves...is also ...robbing majority Malays!!
So lets enjoy....sleep more...and poor poor prostitutes...catering for low and muddle income group...will have much lesser customers...while the filthy rich...can increase their enjoyments.

jaflam said...

Hai Kerp the celebrity,
I just call to say .... Syabas, Congrats and Brova on your article in the Malay Mail.

Actually when you control your anger, your writing became bigger killer and more pedas. You are destined for the sky my friend. Enjoy the popularity well.

senorita.. said...

i've been ignorant long enough to have missed your coherent,humorous and straight to the point thoughts..

keep up the good work, u write good stuff

am gonna link ur blog up k?

wanshana said...

I say Kerp...Why didn't you war-warkan about your Malay Mail feature tu?!

I didn't buy Malay Mail that day lah! Tried searching for it online but couldn't find it. If you could be a dear and provide us with the link, please? Thanks ;)

As for the fuel price hike - some suggest a change in lifestyle. Quite difficult for those who are like me - no life and no style all these while! So how?!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Mr T,

Wei, no big deal la. Will email you guys once I got the soft copy.


Mr goh,

Yes sir. Will sell my soul and make it to big time. got lots of names I left out. I swear I wish I could please everyone. They’re all friends to me, including you sir.


Salam dato,

Thank you so much. I wouldn’t be reach at this stage without the support of all the blogger friends.

Anyway, it wasn’t much a big deal la. My wheels are firmly on the ground still.


Hola senorita,

Trust me, you didn’t miss much. But I’m thankful to have made enough friends, you included, that I can actually count on their support.

*by all means, go ahead. Will link yours too. thanks!


Kak shana,

Lama tak dengar cherita chenta…hehehe…

Don’t worry about it, I’ll email you guys once I received the soft copy.

I’m eyeing on a bigger thing. The article published yesterday has somehow opened up a door to a greater opportunity, InsyaAllah. Pray for me!


Thanks, guys!

Zawi said...

kerpov,
Congratulations on being featured in yesterday's MM. Since we didn't get it in Kelantan, I am hopeful that you will blog about it or email me the soft copy.
Don't worry about getting free food as Kak Ton still provide free lunch on every Tuesdays at her MRTs.
Anyway I know of a big spender who will be changing her life style due to the hike in the fuel price. The change wasn't brought about by need of course because she has tons of money but more to mitigate the anger of the people. MAS wont be bothered to help her carry her cargoload of goods from shopping overseas anymore.

Anba said...

Salam Komrad Kerp...

Just read your interview thru bala's link ...enjoyed your interview..
i enjoyed it evnmore when you said Bala & FFS lads...heheheh...Fook Yeah..

Bro...i just watched an excellente movie yesterday...on DVD Gone,Baby..Gone(2007) watch it bro it's a very nice movie..
directed by Ben Affleck and acted by his brother Casey...
Have a Good day Mate..
thas all fer now..ciao

Pi Bani said...

Kerp,
Woohoo! Dah berapa orang dah mintak autograph?

My turn today...

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Salam pak Z,

Thanks for reading, sir. I’ll definitely mass-email the soft copy and hopefully you’ll get to read it by later today.

I think being a cheapskate helps, but if you’re a status-conscious person then you may have to live with the price hike.


Anba,

Salam brother. and thanks for reading. Just a small appreciation lah, don’t mention it. bro, do make it a point to meet us up in the near future lah. You can always bring your future mrs right with you, no problem la geng.

*awesome. Will check it out. just caught Strange Wilderness, with that steve zahn fella and a few bunch of losers. A must-watch if you yet to catch it bro.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hahaha...ala kak Pi...mana ada...biasa je, pagi tadi gosok gigi jugak...akak punya turn bila?

Pi Bani said...

Kerp,
Dah keluar dah pun... today...

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

dah baca dah...hehe...sheila was in full praise of you. who doesnt? keep it up!

Letting the time pass me by said...

I guess Malaysia has becoming more and more a capitalist country..

Who cares about the poor... At least the government seems not to care...
In most oil producing countries, the government cares about the people, that is why they give special discounts for oil. Venezuela for instance sell its produce oil locally at a very low price maybe around RM0.30.

Nonetheless, some other country like Norway for instance sell its oil at the market price but set aside 1/3 of the income/profit in its special oil fund which is reported now amounting some USD250billion...

In Malaysia, the previous administration has always give discounted oil prices to the Rakyats, however, the current government has decided that it will be a burden for the government to continue to serve the Rakyat...

So now, as the Rakyat, we just need to survive on our own... The government are getting more selfish and do not have the time or resources to look into the well being of the Rakyat...

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Salam lttpmb,

Yes, and we have read in many blogs that even people on the street can come out with useful suggestion on how it should have been done instead of making a hasty decision.

Everything has been said and now after almost 2 weeks everybody seems to feel the pinch. some may not agree with me but if only Tun was still in the office he will at least minimize the impact. Just too bad our PM now is not as clever as his predecessor.

Thanks for crossing over bro.