Monday, June 23, 2008

New Cabinet (and Chairs)

In one of my entries last week, Someone, or possibly a robotic spammer had left a list of possible cabinet line-up for Pakatan Rakyat if ever they took the office in the near future. I stressed on that due to Mr Lim Kit Siang’s inclusion in the list. I mean, he wont be sticking around that much in a distance future, right? the last thing Malaysia need is another Lee Kuan Yew, or a Mr. Burns-like centenarian to get us out of any economic deep shit.

The usual suspects were unsurprisingly included - Anwar, Teresa, Jeff Ooi, Azmin, Teng, Sivarasa and even Farish whoeverhellheis- besides the DAP man himself.

YAWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN…

Nice try chief, but you left me out. Whether it was done on purpose or not, YOU…BELADI...LEFT…ME…OUT.

In case you didn’t know, I’ve been working hard, plotting my way up the political ladder through secret meetings with Yong Teck Lee, the founder cum CEO of YTL Corporation or something. Whatever.

What he and his party did had, to certain extent, widened the road in making ways for a new face to lead Malaysia, and that face belongs to me. I’m edging ever closer of seeing my dream becoming a reality while at one fell swoop hijacking Anwar’s ambitious attempt.

Once I’m in power, I’ll make sure half the cabinet post be taken up by my cronies.

Chong the quadriplegic veteran from Bentong will become the deputy PM uncontested. Then I’ll appoint my buddy Zulkafli to handle the finance ministry because he’s always broke. While another best pal Zahidi will take the Works ministry portfolio due to his wheelchair’s regular need of a repair.

Here’s the full crippled cabinet list, followed by yours truly’s desperate need of catching up with some sleep.

PM- ME.
DPM/Minister Mentor- Chong Tuck Meng
Finance- Zulkafli
Transport- Kalimathru (deceased)
Law- Jef
Sports- Lim (not related to LKS)
Works- Zahidi
Defense- Insp Syukri
Information- Subra
Home- Nigella Lawson
Agriculture-Husni
Foreign- Zulaffendi
Health- Me
Tourism- Felipe Massa
Technology- Firdaus
Education- Weezer

---------------------------------------------


This is a dedication to all my wheelchair comrades, a category of friend who sticks around and be there for one another through thick and thin, rain or shine, good and bad times. Unlike some worthless, self-centered relatives, they’re great buddies to a certain degree I regard as my own flesh and blood.

32 comments:

anfield devotee said...

Partai Porno Rules! You've got me vote.

jaflam said...

Hai Hon.Min,
You got my vote too Sir Kerp. They need full Minister that FULLY understands the OKU issues. But of course if you beat Bro Anwar to the PM post then you may appoint all the cronies in line heheee.

Anba said...

Bro...
What about the Ministry of Sound...
Can i be the menteri...i'll make sure everyone will listen to Napalm Death early morning b4 they go 2 work...hehehe

Regarding farish Noor...here's the blog
http://www.othermalaysia.org/
check him out bro
...he was a former UM lecture did his PHd in germany... now lecturing in Singapore..

Kata Tak Nak said...

This is discrimination. What about us not on wheel-chairs? Next you would reserve only 5% places for non-quads in the civil service. I object. Put me in as Minister of Cigar Bars and Sufiah as Deputy Minister and I'll keep quiet.

Anonymous said...

aiyah...not a very fair PM la lu!! Me? apamacam? OK lah, not minister seat also ok, just gimme the multi-millions contracts, just like current gomen mah. Monkey see, monkey do hahahaahahaha MK

senorita.. said...

u've got me at Nigella Lawson for Home..

i kenot stop laughing

u'll get my vote too!

muteaudio said...

I don't mind the Home Minister visit me every weekend. Delicious! The food of course

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Bala,

You give me your vote and I’ll award you a project in return.


Dato J,

Its all about cronyism, sir. Rakyat’s woes are all secondary…hehhehehe…


Anba,

Your proposal will seriously be looked into. Maybe I’ll get the info ministry to get rid of all the crappy morning talk shows and replace them with metal/punk music so that the motorists be fresher on the wheels.

*thanks for the link. Checked this fella out.


Cikgu!

Hehehehehhe…

Yup…soon the able-bodied community may have to form their own support group. NGOs will be the voice of your people. We will oppress you for being able…kihkih…


Mary,

If I am being fair, it beats the purpose of me becoming a PM….hehehe…its only natural to turn friends into millionaires….rakyat comes second or whatever. Who cares…hehehehe


El-senorita!

Yea, she’s hot isnt she. Need at least one pretty face in the line-up or the government will look stale, just like the current one.


Raz,

Its her English muffin that makes you drool…ADMIT IT! hehehehhehe…

Tinesh said...

Bugger, you been watching too much Asian Food Channel la. Nigella is MY home minister, dont kacau

Kerp (Ph.D) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kerp (Ph.D) said...

T,

dude, i love her english muffin, nothing more. well...maybe a few more, but this is a family-friendly blog, cant say things like her tits and stuff, can i? sure i can. i love nigella's boobies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

dude...YOU
JUST HAD
TO DO IT LA
AH DEI...
I TRIED LEAVIN IT ALL..
BUT THEY..
THEY JUST
KEEPP
PULLIN' ME
BACK IN....MWAHHAHAHHAHA
nigella o' nigella *sigh*

great
minds
think
almost
exactly
alike
especially when
it comes to
boobies
wmahhahahahhaha
and the way she curls her
accent in that
stiff upper lip...
whill drooling
chocolate
flavoured
eclairs

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

sha-wwwwinngggggggggg

will drop by later.

MR.T - i happen to catch a somewhat of a street concert (? - if yu can call it that) last friday...oh lets say somewhere near the PBD..pusat bandar damansara..by total accident..
i must say..
some of the bands on play
were impressive
very impressive-mozlovesnigella

p.s. tuan kerpov - i finally heard pork n' beans, yu were right, vintage WEEZ man :))) a throwback to the blue album. and again bro, check out the simplicity. makes me wanna smack a fender over my own head 1-2-3 powerchords. but just beautiful.

oh btw- dontcha thing it would suit as a "nigella" soundtrack..ahem..prerably
with she maybe
covered in some...
not sure about the pork..but
maybe some erhm..
beans.
(baik aku blah dulu..before people start wondering what people like you are doing hanging out with professional pervs..like me..wmahhahaha)

oh btw - i SECOND MR.KATA TAK NAK PROPOSITION..MWAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA..he is on zany dude.:))

Anonymous said...

mozlovesnigella:-

mr.kata tak nak: need a "groping" assistant,secretary,etc?

hehehhehehehhehe.

Life's Like That said...

Why Felipe Massa for tourism? Put Nigella there alsolah! She can hold 2 posts or even 3 for all I care! Bet cha tourism will increase if we put her on a poster with her.............(Finish the sentnce yourselves!)

One more suggestion, when you become PM, lower the tax on beers and ciggies la. Or give us who write in your blog subsidy cards for it! can or not boss?

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

LLT my man,

err...English Muffin? hehehhehe...i'm just being greedy to put her under Home ministry's portfolio so that i can always have her all to myself. hehehhehe...

dont need to mention about the fags and booze, i'll even legalise brothels!

Life's Like That said...

You have my vote now!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Mozzzzlovesnigelwinterburn,

Mozzz bloody mozzzz, how the hell did I miss your comment la dei…my apology boss.

Seems like everyone’s more interested in nigella lah. But cant blame us all. She’s after all, a great cook…hehehehehhe…

*re- weezer- I think poek & beans sounds more like the blue but the rest of the track are more of a pinkerton-esque. Whatever it may sound, I sure gonna buy their stuff, even the crappy maladroit album.

*mr kata tak nak can be mean but in a humorous manner I tell ya.

Thanzks bro…fuck I feel so miserable la to have missed on your comment. Sorry again boss…

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

LLT,

hahaha..its so easy to win a guy's vote isnt it?

Life's Like That said...

We are simple creatures. As long as one of the heads are satisfied, we are alrite! Muahahaha....

Tinesh said...

Mozzy, bugger if u happend to catch a band called bleeding edge at 430 pm over at the mainstage, dont tell me lol..

cakapaje said...

Salam kerpie,

Hullo! You have Felipe Massa there, bro; he's no OKU! Further, I thought he's my F1 hero now, not yours! Hmm...let's both race and see who wins on this, lol!

And woi! Where's my teh tarik?

minahkaypoh said...

hi dear :)

nak jadik kroni...

;)

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

Hi Kerp,
You got my vote too... If 'angkat-tangan' is allowed, I'll ask my children to raise both their hands for you too... he..he..

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

LLT,

Without sounding too gay, we are so bonding now arent we…hehehehhe


T,

The man of the (430pm) hour.


Shah,

He’s no OKU but I need someone of his resilience and calibre to pull us out of any unpopular policies. Maklum la, ni kerajaan berkroni.


Minahkaypoh,

Nak jadi kroni kena selalu la bodek…you need to polish more apples.


Salam Ibu!

Toy lands to be built in every corner of the country and school hours to be shortened by half. Your kids and their friends sure to vote for me…hehehehhe…teruk kan, I ni bad influence la…

Thanks for crossing over. Saw your comment @daphne’s…DDI- drug delivery index.. hehehe….that was hilarious!

blackpurple @ jowopinter said...

Ha ha. Felipe Massa?

mozlovesnigella said...

DUUUDDDDDEEEEEEEE!!!

mwahhahahahhahahhahhaa, takdok haiii (no worries la bro). my bad dei..my bad..was too farkin lazy to go through the registering and logging and what not..so i decided to cloak meself in mediocre anonymity (albeit a tad uneffective in comparison to the klingon cloaking systems...eh allo dun drag captain james T. kirk orso into this now okay. he daaa monnnnnnn).
er. yeah. so wtf was on about, yes don't worry about it la bro. i didn't sign maself in probe-ly as well.

re: pinkerton, hmmm bro...yu have spanked me arse over the lap now..for not bothering a copy of it. however, i do know one thing, one of my fav tracks of THE WEEZ, suprisingly was not from the "blue". albeit bearing in mind all songs from the blue were gilerrr cuun. however it was this other song that has remained
etched in me head.
i wish i could sing it for yu..er..i mean..hum..i mean...better dun la okay.
you'll regret life and reflect on the need for good karma to sit through one of me singing
sesions. :)

but its the other song dude...uh..lemme see..whether i can bloody MTV to hint a clue..
oh yeah..i think the video ah bro...in the video the dudes were with a whole bunch of animals..and i think..that cuomo fella was "makingout" with an wraangatan (orangutan da dei). dun get me wrong, it was a good video..now if i can only remember the song.
it was very laidback, had the compulsory weezer oo-oo's..
and very ..
poignant.
hang on...DUDDEEEEEEE
i think it was called "island in the sun"?
although i don't think that's from pinkerton. my guess it must be much after that.

so - tuan kerpov for PM eh?:))) i'm all for it. but one condition. no chanting/singing/playing anything remotely goonerish systems every other morning on public addressing systems/media...well maybe the media...at least it would improve the crap that's
already on it. (latest example 128-78 = big win.)

lemme see, what else can i write about while lookin seriously attentive at work...er..bro, would you believe it..i have actually hit a dead end; a blunt farkin end to the sunnny side of me crotch *sigh*..the week is drudgin' too slow bro.

anyway you have a good midweek. ooooo btw..i heard mr.wenger..has been displayin a keen eye, or that arshavin fella....
helluva player la dude...has a maradona like style..not as good as him..but has a similar
style..

oh well........3 months and counting..you have a good evening mate. take care.

appreciatively,
moz.

p.s. nigelfarkinwinterburn..burn his arse la weyyy..but yes, have to admit la..grrr..good player la ok..(vomits into oblivion) ..was he at right or leftback?

MR.T: bro, well..to tell yu the truth..i only caught on at.erh..around 6 to half past 6..and managed to catch 2 bands..now erh..2nd conundrum..there was main stage huh? ugh. see, i caught it be mere accident..i was told to haul me arse back to the KL HQ..and decided to head to PBD to purchase some essential nicotine and..supplies...and then i caught this. though, i'm no big fan..of what is classified as NU-metal..rapcore...or anything sewaktu denganye..the band playing the stage at that time...was pretty good. lemme see..oh hang on yeah, there was a pizza hut there. so go figure. and after that i managed to catch a set of this 70-ish styled band called..zeal.i think...(can't remember the other bands name). pretty good as well. and to top it all of. some of these fellas were playin like seasoned pros.
especially the rhytm section. neat and tidy. and they even had EPs being released. good stuff. it was refreshing to see aside from the i'm punkathanyu posturings of the local scene. it can get to yu sometimes. ok hope yer set was good. ciao

tuan kerpov - LUCKY your not making me pay for the space i'm taking up..hehehehhehehehhe.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Salam wak Purp,

Itulah dia. Bukan apa, dia ni ada ciri2 jadi champion musim ni. Tak kisah la, janji Ferrari menang title…hehehe…


Mozzzz…

No worries bro. not many are into weezer anyway. am one of the geeky weirdos I guess…hehehe…’island in the sun’ is from their 3rd, known as the green album (first there was blue, then green and now red!). you were spot-on, the vid had some wild politicians featured in it…muahahhahahhahahha…

Dude, you better get back to work la dei. Your boss must be thinking about awarding you the employee of the month award.hihihih….

Eh but serious la, looking forward to the 12th. but you don’t come back to us and do another anba. That would be the last thing the FSS guys need.

Zawi said...

kerpov,
If I were you I would appoint myself the minister to all the ministries. Others can only be the deputy ministers or second or third ministers. Dapat banyak allowance ooo and I will get to decide on everything (with the assistance of my son in law of course who will be appointed as the special advisor to PM).

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Pak Z,

I have no worries, as all the ministries will be under the care of my cronies. No goody-2-shoes are welcomed….hehehhehe…

But I think you’ll do better; you have a SIL!!!

Anonymous said...

tuan kerpov,

employee of the month? moi?
MWAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
heheheeheheheh
hoooooooooo
GOOODDDDDDD ONEEE chief.
i think that would qualify as a precursor for a cardiac arrest. see nowadays from what i hear, its not good enough..not sufficient knowing stuff; being technically sound and proficient or being well versed in methods and procedures. i hear they've got these new skills which they like to pass on to the newbies..even have a full-blown course for it called - "soft skills" *mozgrinsblurblur*

and me? i'm in quardrant zero of soft skills at the moment; a persona non grate in terms of people skills. which probably explains why i took to haphazard writing of gibberish; haphazard reading of books downside up and indulging in sounds (noise) left of and cornflake sandwiches.
(dude dun laff, have yu tried it yet? TRY IT. with extra chilli sauce, not maggi but LINGHAMS man - mesh it up between two slices and eat. if yu like put mayoinnaise. personally i dun't. taste's slimy)

okay, i as the potential employee of the month, have to get back to work now. maybe i should learn how to kiss arse. with my nicotine-stained lips. oh no, i think nowadays plain kissing tak cukup kot; should probably "french" it all the way. take care MONNNNN!!!

appreciatively,
moz.

p.s. BROOOO..ahhhhh...can i assume you are a "fellow" fan of wrestling as welll? mwahhahahhahahaha. GOOD TO KNOW. at least now i can openly talk about it, without the niggly feeling of people wondering how disillusioned i am for believing its real. well fookyewall - IT IS REAL. ain't that right, kerp? hehehehehhe
geez..no holds barreed eh...i nearly forgot about that one...hogan and..lemme see..that huge black dude...zeus right?
-moz*hitman*hart

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Mozzy,

Seriously la, I can imagine how you’re engrossed you are infront of the pc, fooling our boss by typing away youe ‘work’….real funny la bro…hehehehehe…

Yea man, it was Hogan vs cross-eyed zeus.

but sorry to disappoint you mozz, was only a fan of wwf and not wwe. Was once a huge fan of Jake ‘the snake’ Robert, scaring the shit out of the late Andre the Giant. i really feel I should list down on all the main players back then; Hogan, jimmy the superfly, andre, jake, george the animal, randy savage, the demolition, british bulldogs, big john stud, kingking bundy, hacksaw jim duggan etc…it was crazy back then.

monsterball said...

Once you are in power.it will be many Muslims running away.
The can smell you coming ..to hang then high!!