Monday, March 3, 2008

Sex On Everyone's Mind

It was a lazy Sunday I had, a well-deserved break after a hectic week leading up to the main event on Saturday. Plus, with some other shits I did just to bring in that little extra income, an uneventful week ahead would be a welcome. Oh, hold on…hell yea, I’m gonna have just that. Hooray.

The Saturday’s symposium went extremely well without a single glitch and some of the organizing committee members felt like a huge burden has finally taken off of our shoulders. I had a relatively easier job compared to other fellow Machais but the relief was still like the best thing in the world, as if I had just ejaculated. Ok that was an exaggeration but still glad the monkey’s off of my back for till at least our next event.

Entitled Sexuality & Fertility, the symposium by the way, was quite an eye-opener to a number of able-bodied participants whom mostly came as NGO observers. Hats off to all the speakers for telling it as the experts they are. If one hadn’t anticipated the topic of this event, one would have thought it was a symposium coming right of a short erotic literature taken off from a porno mag or something.

All the wheelchair lads however knew what was coming and had expected the speakers to take the mic and bring the house down, all in the name of knowledge. It was very explicit yet un-taboo. Penises, vaginas, clitorises were the words of the day without one needs to wash their mouth off later nor anyone cringe hearing it. These are after all a politically correct term of the words used. No rooster nor cats, so nothing to get excited and horny about.

It’s not really a great deal of a secret that erectile dysfunction is a common problem guys with spinal cord injury suffers. It takes a man to admit that but honestly, a quadriplegic (me!) finds it easier to get a boner than a paraplegic could.

Equally for the lasses, dryness apparently seems to be their common sexual predicament. I swear that was new to me.

But what’s somewhat shocking was, quite high percentage of able-bodied men shares the same sexual problem, amid their macho-ness. And this was revealed by a medical expert from hospital kuala Lumpur, no less. So the next time you encounter a guy who loves bragging about on how colossal his pecker is, chances are his shooting boots are more of the Fung Keong-type rather than a Nike’s Total 90.

That’s the ugly truth, guys. Face it. Impotency does not favor anyone. Better to screw up than to look all so manly but screwed when the cat comes a calling.

So anyway, the topic was successfully addressed and stayed on course for the benefits of those in need of such useful information. Couples who attended were at the receiving end of all the jokes thrown but the real joke was actually on the jokers themselves. They get to work on what they’ve learned earlier in the day while the rest gigit jari, yours truly included.

For an inaugural symposium, Perwira K9 did a tremendous job. The response we get from non-member participants were greatly beyond our expectations. It was so overwhelming if we were to form a political party, we’d sure to beat the hay out of anyone in GEs.

And I’ll be the health minister.

19 comments:

Kata Tak Nak said...

I had expected it. You withheld very important info from us. Why keep secret the fact that at the end of it all, you were all popping viagras like pop corns and KY was smeared all over the floor and there was a free for all.

Anonymous said...

Symposium tu memang berkesan lerrr!!!

Hmmmmm....

Anonymous said...

Erk... happy belated birthday Kerp...
(2 March 2008)

hehehe

wanshana said...

Hmmmmm...and I thought it was the GE which was on everyone's mind?!!! Guess sex is more important. Well, it's a lot like the GE anyway - both involve A LOT of hanky-panky! HAHAHAHA!

It was your b'day yesterday? Awat tak habaq?

Happy Belated Birthday, and Many Happy Returns of the Day, Kerp. Semoga dipanjangkan umur, dimurahkan rezqi and dikurniakan all the good things in life, insya Allah. Amin.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Man, I didn't know you turned 18 yesterday. Anyway, Happy Belated Birthday. May ALLAH grant all your wishes (yang baik2 saja la ya!).

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Cikgu,

Hehehe…now that you’ve mentioned it, viagra was very much part of the vocab and a crowd-puller but nothing about KY. That would be a a great deal of an info. I bet not many who attended had any idea what this thing is all about.

Thanks for the wish btw. I had a few wishes and all are good stuff in nature. All the kinky ones may have to wait still…hehehe…


Anon,

How did you know my birthday anyway? Seems like I’ve known you forever lah…hehehehhe…thank you!


Kak shana,

Hahaha.. good analogy…never thought of that. And politicians are real Casanovas. They come, they sweet talk and once the party’s over, they are nowhere to be seen….hehehe…

Thanks for the well-wishes. It was yesterday but no big deal. It was a day I turned older, nothing more.

tokasid said...

Salam kerp:

1- Happy belated 18th birthday(LOL). If I had known I would have sms a cake to you bro.A cake from Tony Roma or maybe Secret Recipe.

2- good to know that Symp went well. Symposium is just another word to legalised an erotic story telling orgy for you guys. And the police can't do anything about that too.

3- ED. Yes many abled guys are suffering ED. I can vouch for that. And my viagra is running out of stock.But like you said these ED guys they really talk as if they were John Holmes in the kedai kopi. Then one day they'll come to me and ask for the blue pill.

blackpurple @ jowopinter said...

O, Selamat ulang tahun kelahiran yang terlewat. :)

Belum berpeluang lagi ikut simposoum macam itu. Nak juga wak ikut kalau ada peluang. Hehehe

Seks itu nyawa.... Wak sebut saja, wak tak ada pengalaman. :D

muteaudio said...

Bro,
happy belated 18th b'day. I guess u're oficially 18 forever.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

docTA,

aiseh, this 18th birthday thing is really catching up ith the lads here lah, thanks to cikgu nazir…hehe…if indeed I turned 18, last Sunday morning would be my first cigarette legally I puffed.

No, no orgy nor sado masochism stuff ever took place at the symposium doc, as this isnt Holland…hehehehe…but then again, police cant take action on us, OKUs are above the law, or at least I am…hehehehehe…

^eh doc, Viagra sells. Even for such steep price for a pill it can sell like hotcake. The reason as you mentioned, is obvious. Able-bodied men are not that healthy after all.


Wak purp,

Mekasih atas ucapan tu wak. Kalo

Sebenarnya symposium tu terbuka pada orang ramai. Banyak yang boleh dipelajari, lagi2 untuk orang2 yang take pengalaman macam kita ni, wak…hehehe…


Mute,

Thanks for the wish, bro. I’m nervous now, SPM result will be out anytime soon…hhehehe…

Eh, was I supposed to get back to you concerning the symposium? I believe so. Tv3 was there, so perhaps you can get some footages from them. I think I had some fair share of of coverage too.

mozisgod said...

Dear Health Minister,

i am s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g to t-y-p-e this as we speak...short of having a hard-on
laughing.
allo different people..
ehm.
different strokes okay.
hair same same
heart different different.

kerpov, you KILLED ME dude :))))
nice piece.
and excellent work mate. organizing STUFF..leave alone events is NEVER EASY..
(i can't event where i remember i chucked yesterday's underwear...like you really wanted to know that didn't you..you gooner you.)
btw. my laundry is sdn. bhd.
privatos limitos.
yes la macha. as you may have well figured out by now...i'm stuck in the office staring at the screen
with shite for
thoughts. i'm blinkin' rubberbands mate. *sigh*
can't think. need porn.

see ya later wengerlover.
OHHHHHHH BTW
HAPPY BIRTHDAY - may you age as the finest of wines..and eh..uh..remain as obtuse as me.

18? sah, tak sedar diri :)))

keep on spewing your thoughts bro. there will always be sods like me to read it awright mate.

p.s. WOI..LEAVE THE FUNG KEONGS ALONE...SENSITIVE ISSUE...I STILL HAVE MY FUNG KEONGS IN MY
CAR BOOT :)))
LITERALLY LA JO
from the day of my "professional" football career until now
fung keong
the trusted name.

constant drama said...

"Equally for the lasses, dryness apparently seems to be their common sexual predicament. I swear that was new to me."

How could you not know that? That's why we need foreplay. Hurts like a bitch if you ram in just like that. Fact.

Now you know....Mr.Kerp.

Farina said...

Happy Belated Birthday Kerp. im sure u tried to keep it quiet but thanks to the 1 commenter who mentioned it here anyways. lol.

re. E.D., well theres a few ad on tv here and yes, apparently its pretty common. it doesn discriminate either. ;)

anfield devotee said...

admit it, its yer life long ambition to be a porn star . . .

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Mozzzzzz,

Hahahahha… reading all your comments all these while has never failed to amuse me la gang. I say start a blog your own, rant about spurs, give us gooners some harder time or anything, but just do it. a gooner will sure to be your regular visitor, chucking roses or turd, depends on the articles. But we (including some scousers) sure to give you some hits on daily basis. What say you my man?

Thanks for the wish. Legally had my first stick of Winston while waiting for the 2nd half of ars-vil game to commence….hehehehehhehehe

*fung keong boots really takes us way back didn’t it?


o’ CDO,

you got me all wrong la akka. This is the kind of dryness when even a full session of foul-play, licking and shoving cant make the juice from oozing out. A sahara desert-like. Early age menopausal.


Farina,

ED is a common problem globally. Even to porn stars, that’s when the penis enlarger coes in handy. Or a vibrator. Yes, surprisingly, even men needs vibrators.

Thanks for the wish. That certain anon commenter btw as I found out yesterday, is someone dearly to me. she was totally against me playing down on occasions like my bday for instance.


Bala,

Not really a star but a cameo appearance in between Janine and jameson…hhehehehe…

To be a porn star, a guy must keep a long blond lock. think manu petit/voronin. they will give you some ideas.

MaryKate said...

hey kerp...aiyooo, everyone talking and bloggin about GE, you pulak on sex, but a good diversion nevertheless. There's so much of GE overdrive that I am looking forward for it to finally end this weekend, so happy voting and HAPPY BIRTHDAY la...wah, I swear you looked a tad bit older than 18 when i saw you last time....hehehe

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Mary!

hey, it should be a welcome change to some but being caught some of the fever, had to touch a wee bit on the GE towards the end. health has always been our main concern, regardless of who the government of the day.

just cant wait for ths whole GE stuff to be over too. to be fed with daily dosage of MSM news can be very nauseating. the posters everywhere are an eyesore and politician jerks are everywhere.

thanks for the wish btw, sister. as much it would be nice to feel being 18 again, i wouldnt trade my life now for anything. so turning 32 isnt so bad after all.

monsterball said...

Nice piece!
But the power of...mind over matters..do work.
Try it!
At my age..I never use viagras.
It's either a feel good day..or wait for it to come.
And my soul mate..like me this way...natural and still powerful......but not like before.
And I have friends with spinal cord problems...still enjoy natural sex.
I guess...your body condition plays a big part to whatever want to do..or eat.
Remember.....if your metabolism [yin & yang} are well balanced...can eat shit and fut and urinate...you can be your own doctor.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

people with spinal cord injury can still do it without popping a viagra but honestly, it cant last that long.

thank you, mr goh. coming from an experienced person, i shall take in every words you say.