Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Done for the year

Enough with the kung-fu shoe thingy. That issue was so last week I’m totally done with it.

Personally, it has been a relatively quiet week and since I don’t have anything good to say, its best to just shut the hell up.

By the way, do not be hoodwinked by the lack of issues concerning the local crips, or in more politically correct term preferably used by the cultured crippled blokes, Persons with Disabilities (PWDs). Not in any circumstances are everything’s fine and dandy in the community. Far from it. I’m just giving it a rest, as I could do with (figuratively) having both feet comfortably up myself.

It’s the holiday season after all. Got myself an enforced break for this week, which is very welcoming. The timing couldn’t be more perfect than now to close the book for this year.

Meanwhile, I shall be loading some ammo to get some shits moving for the new chapter. Till then, I’m outta here.

Salam Maal Hijrah 1430, merry Xmas, merry New Year and blabla.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Di persimpangan jalan

Tidak. Apa yang tertera diatas bukanlah sekeping potret Ayah Pin tetapi gambar sepasang kasut. Sepasang kasut yang dimiliki oleh aku.

Dah agak lama juga kasut tersebut berkhidmat untuk aku. Agak-agak lebih kurang dalam lingkungan 2 tahun.
Detractors aku kata ianya kelihatan seperti kasut ballet. Tipikal homofobik la tu.

Bagi aku, reka bentuknya lebih kelihatan seperti sepasang kasut Kung-fu yang digunakan oleh Jackie Chan dalam wayang gambar Drunken Master.

Apa yang membuatkan aku tertarik pada jenis kasut ni masa mula-mula beli dulu adalah yang pertama, ianya mudah disarung.

Kedua, harganya yang begitu berpatutan dan tidak menjangkaui bajet, atau dalam erti kata lain, murah.

Dan yang ketiga, kasut ni agak ringan, maka ianya tidaklah sesuai untuk dilempar pada muka George W Bush, yang kini bakal menjadi mantan Presiden Amerika Syarikat.

Masa mula-mula dulu memang sesuai jugak aku pakai ke mana-mana majlis; baik yang formal mahupun tidak. Jumpa royalty ke, VVIP ke, pedulik apa, aku tetap pakai kasut cabuk ni.

Tapi sekarang ni aku sendiri rasa dah tiba masanya untuk kasut ni pergi dan digantikan dengan sepasang yang lebih berkualiti.

Aku sedang memikirkan sepasang kasut yang berjenama belang tiga. Ironinya ia jenis kasut berlari. Bukan aku nak lari tetapi keringanannya membuatkan aku berkenan.

Dan kalau aku angkat jugak, ianya berkemungkinan besar akan meninggalkan lubang yang besar didalam dompet aku.

Tapi kalau sebaliknya pula, kemana-mana pergi terpaksalah menggunakan kasut cabuk tersebut sementara menunggu kalau-kalau ada bajet bulanan yang berlebihan.

Ini yang membuatkan aku berada di persimpangan dilemma.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Gardening: blaming on the soil?

I think Md Khir Toyo must have lost his mind to point finger at the new government for not doing much to tackle the landslide problem. Hey, the present gomen may not be the best there is but blaming a government that’s barely 10 months into the office actually reflects the true colour of the previous one instead. The former MB might have been grilled well by the press to conveniently put the blame on others and find the easiest way out. Come on, he was at the helm for many years and he is trying to say that his admin played no part in issuing approvals for any of the on-going hill slope projects? I may not have the facts with me but only stupid fools can’t smell the story he has cooked up. Oh well, screw him anyway.

The reality is, when there’s big money involved, enforcement goes straight down the drain. No, money isn’t the main issue here. Developers are business-minded people and they wouldn’t care any less to be accused of practising greed from their part.

I think the frailty of enforcement has been the root cause of it all. Not restricted to hill slope development for weird reason needs not to abide by certain guidelines, even new residential buildings that are not disabled friendly are given the green light to operate. And what happened to a certain building by laws that stated clearly new buildings are compulsory to provide facilities for the disabled? If enforcement had been strictly carried out, not even a ridiculous amount of money can break the law.

I’m blaming solely on the lack of enforcement that causes many lives lost. Equally, condo residents with disability are not spared from this irresponsible act by the agencies concerned.

Until they buck the fuck up, many others will fall victims due to feeble enforcement.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Another day and another tag

Time to get another tag done, courtesy of Shah of the TalkOnly fame.

By the way Bro, this is the umpteenth time you passed it on to me. Cant remember if I had ever returned you the favour but mark my word, you’re on top of the list whenever the next one make its round.


Alrighty, lets see whatever hell there is to be done here…

1. Do you think you’re hot?


2. Upload a favourite picture of you.

3. Why do you like the picture?

Seen here with the people I can always count on. There are occasions when you can tell some friends are best described as mere acquaintance. The two lads on wheels have shown time and again what friendship is all about. They’d wheel with you through thick and thin.

The odd one out by the way is my cousin but we’re more like brothers.

4. When was the last time you ate pizza?

Two weeks ago. I could have had something else but I was alone on this; the majority flexes their muscle and it was a landslide victory for Pizza Hut over Kayu- which garnered only ONE vote.

5. The last song you listened to.

A Halim’s Kisah dan Tauladan. This has nothing to do with the lip-smacking ayam golek Pak Halim I gobbled down last Sunday.

6. What are you doing right now.

Getting down to this damn thing.

7. What name would you prefer besides yours?

Fab Max. That’s like the coolest name ever to be given to any mankind. Something like Rocco Siffredi or Frank Zappa but way, way sleeker. Its like, you don’t need a licence to carry around a gun if your name is Fab Max. Only hunks (like me) are entitled to have this name written on his I.C, y'know.

There you have it. Now for the fun part. I think we are required to tag another two person to keep this tag going.

Cikgu Nazir is definitely one, because in a way he ASKED for it…kihkihhh

And Ridzzy…Ridzzy the snake charmer. He’s relatively new in the blogging business I thought it’d be fitting to get him do this for the first time.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

IDD 2008; time to sit back & chill

Hey, if you guys didn’t know yet, it’s the International Day of Persons with Disabilities today. I didn’t realise it myself until the clock hit 12 some hours ago.

Usually I’d get excited over this very day. Well, not as excited as anticipating Hari Raya or something to that extent but for the past 5-6 years I’ve never missed the national level celebration.

Take away the long, useless speech from the minister and you get a joyous occasion worth celebrating.

Not this year however. When I informed my wheel buddy that he wont be seeing my face for this year’s do, i was straight away accused of being fussy and selective towards the venue where it will be held.

He’s got a point. Unlike previous years when the celebration was normally being held at fancy malls such as the berjaya Times Square and most recently Sunway Pyramid, this time around (today) the shindig shifted to Pusat Latihan where obviously having fun is something remotely possible.

Maybe he was close but that’s not quite the reason, so still no Gran Havana Punch.

I decided to skip this year as a sign of protest. No prize in guessing why. I anticipated this year’s going to be the same old affair picked up from the last. Pledges will be made, more talks and it all ends there when the minister leaves the hall.

Then the day will be officially over once goody-bags were distributed to all participants. Tell me something new.

Unless something is done that could significantly help the community all over the country, I’m staying away while at the same time take more shots at the authorities concerned.

Maybe I’m alone on this that it can barely move a feather but at least I get to do what matters to life most; get one of the works done tomorrow and earn extra cash by the end of the week.

Till the next one (Dec 3) comes along; Happy whatever day!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Pengumuman Khas

This is a community service announcement. Nilai University College (Nilai UC), where my buddy Mr Anfield Devotee is attached with, will organise a seminar on Autism and are hoping to reach to as many potential participants as possible. My hope is that this announcement will reach the right people, i.e those who are either direct or indirectly involved with Autism will come across this piece and keen to take part in the seminar. With all the names lined up as speakers, I’m sure we will learn a lot about this brain disorder syndrome.

The least we could do is to spread the word around. I’m positive by doing so we are actually contributing something to the society, via a very minimal effort.

And with this little effort, who knows, you could make a huge of a change for the better and ultimately improve a soul’s life.

For those interested, check out the details of the seminar below. Thank you.


Nilai University College (Nilai UC) together with the Faculty of Allied Health Sciences UKM is organising a seminar featuring updates on high functioning autism and asperger's syndrome.


The seminar brings together a panel of local and international speakers who are renowned practitioners in this area. Together they will cover topics on the assessment and identification of the disorders, available professional treatment and the empowerment of parents and caregivers in a specially crafted half day seminar.


Title : Making sense of another piece of the puzzle: Updates on High Functioning Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome

Date : 20th DECEMBER 2008 (Saturday)

Time : 8.30am-1pm

Venue : UKM KL Branch, Jalan Raja Muda Abdul Aziz

Fees : RM30nett per person (fee includes tea break)




1. Assessment, Diagnosis and Associated Difficulties by Clinical Assoc. Prof. Dr. Zasmani Shafiee

Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist, Gleneagles Medical Centre Penang

2. Cognitive Behaviour Therary by Ms. Winnie LauClinical Psychologist, Minds and Hearts, Brisbane, Australia

3. Parent Empowerment by Dr. Alvin Ng Lai OonClinical Psychologist, Faculty of Allied Health Sciences, Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia

To register, please call my colleague - Ms. Shoba at 06-8502338 ext 298 or email seminardec20@nilai.edu.my

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Finding issues

I received some emails from anons a.k.a silent readers, wondering what I’ve been up to lately and why I have not been updating as frequently.

First of all, I truly appreciate their concern and for having to go through the trouble to check on any updates here every so often only to be greeted with the same posting from last week.

To be honest, I am not up to anything exciting besides earning a living, which I can always use as an excuse.

And I can always blame this temporary loss of idea due to writer’s block but that’s not quite the case.

Here’s the thing. I’m trying to stay focus and bomb this blog only with disability issue at least for the time being. Which means no footie, and definitely no politics as what I have vowed to stay away from as long as I could.

But its never easy to come up with something on regular basis when you limit yourself to a single topic- in this case, issue that concerns the disabled community in our country.

Hey, not by any means are we- the OKUs- currently living in a wonderful time, where everything is rosy, fine and dandy. Not by a long shot.

Our woes are far from over. If I were to bitch about it, our daily adversity can be made into a book and the end product will be twice thicker than all Hefner’s magazine collection combined.

In fact, I doubt if our problem will see any ending to it.

Take public transport for example, the community’s age-old quandary. If you think by making it compulsory for all buses to provide facilities for wheelchair-user would shut our mouth for good, you’re way off the mark. There’s the roadside curb to think of, the uneven ground,…then there’s the mentality of the people involved; the driver, the PBT personnel, the assholes etc.

You get the drift. It will be a long and tedious campaign, numerous of lobbying just to get one dealt with. Then while getting to the next woe, the other one will be lost in oblivion.

The cycle will go on, while us in the community will still be in the stinky quicksand waiting to be rescued.

So basically it’s the same thing. I can always come up with a different shit every other day for the sake of updating but you will pretty much sniff the same smell, and ultimately throw up.

To those who have written in, I thank you all once again for sticking around.

How about this- for your sake, I’ll create an issue and give em authorities concerned a reason to retire early.

Ok ah?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Political foes

If anyone of you had noticed, its been a while since I touched anything on our political state of affairs. I don’t think I can come up with a better reason than trying my best to shed this socio-political blogger image that I’ve been carried over my head which I can very much do without.

Just being realistic, I simply don’t have the cut to become one. Another attempt and I might end up writing the most slanderous and libellous political piece that would make even the likes of Utusan feel like a greenhorn spinner.

The thing about politics is, it has become somewhat predictable. Take the on-going amno’s nomination process for instance; the odds are on Muhyiddin to take the number 2 spot. Betting against him would be like putting your money on Titus Bramble to walk away with FIFA's best player award.

Even the US presidential election held recently, you don’t need Madam Zora to tell you of the eventual outcome.

And politics, it divides people. Even the gayest of bedfellows –let alone strangers- would not hesitate having a go at each other’s throat, all in the name of defending their respective political beliefs.

We are passionate lot, strongly believe in the party of our choice and their struggle. Tell me something new. Not a single political figure is sparred from being criticised for being one of the front-liners of a party that does not suit the critic’s taste bud.

By all means man, take a shot or 3.

But when a critic takes a swipe at his buddy for upholding the latter’s political stand, that is as far I can stomach and exactly where my line is drawn.

Friendship goes beyond everything, including politics. But apparently not to some over-charged ‘political pundits’, which is a sad case.

Politics is a game played by politicians. If one feels like delving into it so much, go ahead and join a party of your choice. Stand up and lick your master’s bottom. Once a big shot party man, you’re a class above your former friend. This is the time you can kick his bottom real good because you’re an established politician and he is…well, JUST another one of your ex-friends.

I am however, a friend of you lot. Do consider me as yours too for reason I am not a politician. I may be a Mahathirist as we are fondly known nowadays, or a PAS sympathiser for that little twist of political unpredictability. But above all, I am just like you people who shits every morning, and who may share common interests in football, rock & roll or even favourite porn stars for that matter.

Its not difficult to just sit together over a few glasses of Teh tarik without touching on this petty topic we could do without, or is it?

Its almost 5am, I’m off to bed now.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Make believe: happy man in a happy land

I’m a frustrated soul. Can’t help but to simply whinge and whine non-stop for every single shit that does not suit my fancy. The parking space, the disabled-unfriendly bowling alley, the arrogant Mr supervisor proudly defending his company’s stupid policy and I tell ya, basically everything under the sun.

Maybe I should just stay at home and die from excessive boredom instead of making life harder for others.

But its beyond my control. My outings lately were never short of incidents. For whatever reason I couldn’t tell myself. Maybe for flexing my rights as a disabled citizen I became more sensitive on certain issues that I have no qualms to hit out at every hitch that crosses my path.

I hate it when people tend to (figuratively) look down on me just because I’m a crippled guy on wheelchair.

On one occasion, a flea market retailer ticked my girlfriend for touching his selling goods and he was fully aware she was with me. To me that points out to only one thing; a clear disrespect shown to both of us because for one, she has the right as a customer and secondly, either this bastard thinks I’m a stupid retard on wheelchair or I can only watch while my girl being pushed around.

Lets not get into what transpired next but I wish I had done more like forcing the guy to fucking lick my wheels clean.

No man, I’ve never behaved like a thug, let alone being one because I know where I ’stand’. But neither have I been so pissed than that particular afternoon. In the heat of the moment, especially when your pride is at stake, anger controls your mind. If it means creating a scene to put the record straight, then be it. That guy deserves more than just some piece of my mind.

Nonetheless I’ll always keep my ammo all set. I don’t wanna look stupid hence the need to constantly be on my toes.

And I’ve got my own weapon too in case some assholes are trying to be funny; a urine bag full of fresh, warm pee. Shaken but definitely not stirred.

So pukimak kau, drink to that.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Idiots at work

So I was at the nearest Giant Mall the other day to get some personal stuff, which is not really a biggie, right? Definitely not because this wasn’t my first trip there.

But certain matter can do with urgent attention.

Here’s the thing, for the umpteenth times running we couldn’t get the best parking spot which is obviously reserved for the disabled, because it was always taken by someone else.

I am not being fussy about this whole parking issue, as the mall provides ample parking space for all shoppers. But we have our own reason to not park our vehicle meant for other shoppers because usually designated parking lots are wider, which makes it easier for us to alight from our vehicle and transfer to the wheelchair.

Yes, we need that extra space.

So anyway, since we rarely get the chance to use this particular parking spot, it hits on me that afternoon to check if these people actually have the right to enjoy the privilege or otherwise. On that day, this commercial van below was conveniently seen parked there.

As I pretty much had guessed - after a quick check with the staff wandering about the parking bay- the driver was not in any ways crippled. I know it sounds rather cliché but cant help to think if the driver was indeed suffering from some kind of mental illness.

I did the next best thing (or so I thought!) and went up to a security personnel to ask if he was aware of a certain dickhead parking his vehicle illegally. To my surprise he did and went on to explain the driver used the parking space to do some deliveries.

And I thought that’s it? The goddamn driver had to send some stuff so he was allowed to fucking break the feeble law. That easy.

Ok so the driver is a stupid dickhead, and we can all agree to that but to deal with the security guy who apparently turns out to be a bigger dickhead, I totally didn’t see that coming, to be very honest.

Y’know, I always thought that by displaying a sticker that verifies you as disabled driver is not good enough because time and again we witness assholes tend to abuse the ruling. The best solution I thought was to have a security personnel permanently stationed at the parking spot but judging by the case above, even the enforcer couldn’t give 2 hoots about it.

I cant help to believe the disabled community in our country are still being marginalized, even in this age and era. Ask everyone and chances are majority of you lot, like that security guy minus his stupidity, couldn’t really give a shit because not just it’s kinda trivial, it is also none of your business to begin with.

Hey, no man, I am not blaming you. Its just a simple observation I did lately and if the case above is not shitty enough, I had to put up with another typical (and bigger) case of discrimination on the same weekend. For this bigger crap however, a bigger spotlight is required.

However, regardless the size of each crap, it still stinks. And thus, strengthens my belief.

* A shout-out to one Mr Mohd Fitri!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Dial-up: I feel so Yesterday

Damn it man, I have been without any internet connection since last week and calling the TM guys have been very much part of my boring routine these past few days.

Now that this case affects even my bread & butter, it in a way has given me a reason to harass them every minute and call them names for all the crappy crap crap I have to put up with.

But I’ve got my temper checked. They came up with a valid reason; that some cables near my place were stolen and as far major repair is concerned, it is going to take a while before normal service can be fully restored. Whether or not it’s a genuine excuse, I’ll just be a sucker and suck up to everything they want to tell me.

One option is to create a dial-up connection, which I did and painfully on right now. I dont know about you guys but after so many years of relying on high-speed broadband for any Internet activity, surfing on a dial-up connection can be a real test of the nerve. It is just not surf-able and super duper crappy kuasa dua.

Nothing that I want now than to have my broadband connection back. It feels so weird without it. Its been almost a week since I last drooled on pictures of naked anime soccer moms that I myself feel so naked, only minus the eroticism.

And political news, fuck man, I need more balance report before the terrestrial tv can claim victory to have successfully persuaded a sucker to buy all the grandmother’s story they cook everyday. Ok maybe not that simple but to a certain degree, I too need to know what’s been cooking on the other side of the fence.

I think I’ll just get the hay outta here for now. To those who left feedback in the previous post, rest assured I will get back to you once the connection comes back.

Lets hope it wont take its own sweet time.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Back to life

The worst part about a vacation is the end of it, or the long journey back home.

After spending days in a dreamland, getting back to reality can be extremely dreadful, which is exactly what I’m experiencing right now. Breaking out of routine is almost heavens-like but getting back to it is triple the hell that sometimes I wish I had not taken any break in the first place.

Ok, maybe not about coming back as you tend to miss your room at some point of the holiday break but to kick-start your routine again is what makes it tough. To add to the misery, you are greeted with piles of workload craving for your attention to get it done.

Getting out of the usual routine is what I look forward to the most when on a holiday and the last trip was no different. I managed to stay clear completely from any news; be it the newspapers, the ever-so-crap news on terrestrial tv stations, blogs and even from any sports event, from F1 to Arsenal’s league game. Well…ok maybe not the last one.

Who am I kidding right? Although I stayed away from the tele on that footie night, my mind was always at The Emirates. I specifically told my friend to only let me in on the full time result but as if that would work. Anyway, glad it was a favourable result or the whole vacation would have been ruined. Maybe I should plan my next holiday during international friendly weekend. That ought to do it.

Now its back to square one, struggling to find the rhythm of getting back to a boring life again.

I should just stay at home for now while making some bucks.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Yamseng to all the guys!

As usual, I’ll be making my weekend hiatus, only this time it starts much earlier. In the mean time I will leave you guys with a video that some of you might enjoy it to bits.

This entry in a way, is specially dedicated to all you men who have been kind enough to frequently visit this humble blog.

Plus, I’ve got a point to prove, if you know what I mean.


Ok fellas, let's get down to it, grab your own mic and everybody all together now…

Monday, October 13, 2008

More about Kerp

Finally after a long absent it makes its round again and being a whore at it, it was only a matter of time before I am tagged. Thanks to Missy Constant Drama, the lady who passes the tag baton, now everybody will get to know me up-close and erotically personal. Ok maybe not that close but 15 random facts I’m required to reveal of myself, which can be pretty revealing too.

So here goes…

No 1. This has nothing to do with the latest move by a certain dumb state gomen but I’ve always wanted a federal Datukship. Not for the status but its monthly allowance.

No 2. I can wriggle both my ears but it never crossed me to join any freak shows nor political parties.

No 3. Contrary to popular belief, I only have 9 sexual fetishes instead of 10.

No 4. Once I spent a whole ill gotten RM150 on an Irish hat instead of food. I’m a Muslim!

No 5. I once killed a rabbit with a Thundercat sword.

No 6. I’ve never watched Titanic and am damn proud of it, man!.

No 7. I read one book per year because am already an accomplished smart ass.. S-m-r-t, smart!

No 8. Me was a closet Paul Gascoigne fan.

No 9. I can’t complete a day without a plate or 3 of plain rice.

No 10. Caught peeping once.

No 11. Trying to be less homophobic as possible.

No 12. During my earlier stage being a crippled dude, the sight of wheelchair disgusts me to bits.

No 13. I still have some soft spots reserved for Selangor football club.

No 14. I can still do this- *hand gesture*.

No 15. A big fan of Jackie Chan’s, which begs a question if he will ever conferred a Tan Sriship. He has after all, made more than one movie here.

There we have it. Any questions will not be entertained in public.

Now to pass it on-

Shah, you’re one. Cikgu nazir, Bala, you guys too. Farina, kak Pi, Anita akka, you’re it, ladies. Pak Zab, you’re it. Razlin, Dato Jaff, both It. DocTA, Jim Broga, Mad Salo, Elviza, all are it. Lim Kit Siang, you’re it. Khir Toyo, Husam Musa, it. Ir Nizar, Ali, Kayveas, it, it, it and it…fuck it, you’re all it.

Friday, October 10, 2008


10 ways for a political party to redeem itself and make it more relevant and appealing to the masses, particularly today’s young generation.

1. Get rid of all the deadwoods. They’re a pest and a liability not just to the party, but the world population as a whole.

2. Prohibit a certain guy who is a known dumbass from contesting the number two post that could possibly pave way for him to take over the top seat. The last thing the youth needs is to gamble on the future by having a stupid asshole running the show.

3. Racist must be sacked immediately. Too many assholes will only dent the party’s credibility deeper.

4. Youth wing should do without old geezers at the helm.

5. See-through attire for the Puteris. A sure bet to appeal to the male (and some female) masses.

6. Pink trousers for the youth wing. If that does not attract much attention, I don’t know what will.

7. Rope in the real deal clowns. As the saying goes; leave it to the pros.

8. Money politics must go. 200 bucks is downright an insult unless…the bribery fetches up to rm10k per vote.

9. Treat all members like VIP. Everybody gets to cramp the exclusive room and join the orgy with their older counterparts. Sure more to sign up.

10. Give me a multi-million Ringgit project and I’ll reveal point number 10.

The weirdness is getting out of hand. In my mind I picture a gnome-like creature taking over the hot seat come March. But come to think of it, better goblins than a mere puppet.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Gardening part III

I don’t know about you folks but I’m very much still in festive mood. Since however, I have some issues with our cabinet ministers a.k.a the so-called VIPs that needs to be straightened out, I thought I’d take a break from the celebration, take a swipe at them and will be on my way again.

I have long accepted the fact I’m not a VIP. Which means if I had attended the PM’s annual open house do recently, I wont get to enjoy raya goodies in the comfort of VIP’s section that separates these bastards from the people.

And these are the same bunch claiming to be people’s leaders?

Come on tell me, why the need to have a special room for these lot, instead of mingling around, or queuing up for food for that matter just like hordes of attendees did that day?

To be quite honest, I personally couldn’t see the rationale behind this VIP room thing when the event was supposed to be one of the rare occasions when these fellas should instead mix around, rubbing shoulders with the people or simply sit next to an average joe for a meal or two.

I refuse to use the word commoner on us. That’d only make those fuckers feel more important than the crowd, who took the trouble enduring long queues just to catch a glimpse of our so-called big-shot leaders.

Well, get this; Fuck all cabinet ministers. Maaf zahir dan batin.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Gone Raya

Takbir bergema di pagi hari,
Indah suasana memecah sepi,
Kepada semua salam aidilfitri,
Ampun maaf ikhlas dari Kerp Ph D.

Kepada rakan2 semua, jika selama ini ada carutan, caci maki juga kata2 kesat yang hanya boleh ditemui didalam majalah porno telah mengguris hati dan menganggu minda anda yang bersih, ampun maaf dipinta ikhlas dari hati si penulis blog ini. Ia berkemunkinan besar tidak disengajakan dan jika ada yang terasa, ianya hanyalah kebetulan semata.

Thanks to all for sticking around, and for having to put up with all my crap through out this past year. My apologies if the reading materials here have not been up to your quality standard but rest assured, more craps coming your way.

Ok, lagi sekali…maaf zahir dan batin. Salam aidilfitri and happy holidays to my non-Muslim friends.
For obvious reason, this blog will take a long break, and will be back once the blog-owner is fully stuffed.

Friday, September 26, 2008

The ward

Maybe I’ve ran out of issue to swear at, or maybe it is just that annual thing when my mind is focussed solely on Syawal which is looming. Whatever it is, I have switched everything off to cherish every bit of the moment till at least the end of next week.

A visit to K9 spinal ward at HKL last night was never part of my plan but nonetheless, no better timing than the holy month of Ramadan to do some charity work by giving my bits back to society.

Ok, not exactly in monetary form because I needed that myself. Our presence was good enough to put some smile on their faces. A crack or two on lame political jokes did the trick for the much-needed icebreaker.

A trip down the ward has always been an eye-opener. Not that I have yet to come to terms with the gloomy ambience of the ward. It was the patient, some of who are friends from the earlier days that kinda moved me.

Going from one bed to another, suddenly you come to realise sitting on wheelchair isn’t about all things shitty.

And it has made me realise that one is never confined on wheelchair because for the very sole purpose, it makes us more mobile. Being bed-ridden however is a totally different circumstance all together. You are stuck. If its mere consolation, you are stuck with buddies who shares your pain.

I’m lucky in many aspects. Gone were the days when taking meals had to be done while lying on the stomach due to my busted ass. Nor the meals had to be finely blended to accommodate my digestive system.

I could go on and on.

That ward is one special place. It has played a very instrumental role in getting me where I am today. I may not be some big shot but as long I can give something back to someone who’s about to go through exactly what I’ve gone through many years ago, I think I deserve a Datukship for that.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

An entry about gardening pt II

So Tun Dr Mahathir’s Chedet has reached a whopping 7 million hits last week. The fact that he only started to blog last May, that number of visitors thronging his website is simply impressive to say the least.

But I think pakdol can top his predecessor’s blogging achievement. If he had a blog, in no time will he get 22 million on his hit-counter…demanding him to resign!


Ok that’s a lame one. I just need a breather before continuing with the shits I’ve been up to since last weekend. And I mean tons of it that I hope to get it all cleared up before the Raya week starts.

Then after that, its RAYA TIMEEEEEEEEE…


Friday, September 19, 2008

Ahmad for senator post

As usual, I had a long pangsai session last night, and while at it cant help but to ponder on our country’s current state of affairs. The political development stinks like hell it made the whole bathroom smells like being in a public cab.

I concur with one beer-bellied buddy that we have been too soaked up on the political skirmishes we missed on stuff that craves for our attention more.

Like in my case; it’s the disability issue.

Much have been said and we’re beginning to sound like scratched CDs.

Some may remember the posting I did sometime back when Datuk Ismail Md Salleh was duly appointed to represent the disabled community in Dewan Negara. The appointment was received with mixed reaction within the community but me forever being an optimist, gave him all the benefits that he’d kick some balls hard while enjoying the parliamentary immunity.

But its been 9 long months. All we hear were more and more grouses. When Mr Senator were supposed to speak on the community’s behalf, it appears that he lacks the fire-power that we had hoped for. The Sepultura we anticipated turns out to be a mere Air Supply.

We’ve got the Persons with Disability Bill 2008 past some 2 months back that needs to straighten out urgently. Because once enforced, it would certainly mean our welfare will finally be seriously looked into.

The by laws in the act are in some ways, capable to protect us from being oppressed by you lot. Its like, you screw with us, we fucking shove up screws and pliers up your ass in return and get protected by the law. Or something like that.

So we need that badly. And we are gravely in need of someone who can handle the bazooka, which the current senator lacks the quality required.

I’m sure Datuk Ismail has tried his darnest best but honestly without sounding too mean, I think its best he made way for a new face to take over the mic.

Can somebody enlighten me if senators can be replaced when the incumbent fails to perform? Or to put it simply, flops?

The next question in everyone’s mind; will the real senator-material please stand up?

No pun intended but I’ll handle that.

Ahmad for senator post 2009!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Aku seorang rasis

Waktu aku tersekat didalam traffic jalanraya tempoh hari, mata aku melilau dikiri dan kanan kereta seperti biasa, manalah tahu ada pemandu perempuan sedang membetul-betulkan colinya. Namun aku kecewa kerana, yang aku dapat lihat kebanyakannya hanyalah lelaki-lelaki cina sedang berbual melalui telefon bimbit masing-masing. Ia membuatkan aku terfikir, mungkin bagus juga zaman sekarang kerana adanya technologi telefon bimbit ni. Sekurang-kurangnya kuranglah mamat2 cina ni mengorek hidung kerana ada telefon telefon bimbit untuk melepaskan kebosanan ketika.

Hari tu, aku berbuka di restoran India. Dah puas cekik aku pun bayar. Terkejut beruk makyeh bila harga ayam masala yang aku dah mamah harganya mahal, begitu ke tahap nak mampos. Servis budak India sorang tu jauh dari memuaskan. Seperti biasa disebabkan takut nak berterus terang, aku maki mamat India tu dengan perkataan paling kesat,iaitu pundek, tapi dalam hati je sebab aku takut. Mereka ramai. Yang sorang tu badan tegap dan berbuncit arak, tangan dan dada berbulu-bulu, seperti kingkong bundy.

Bercerita tentang kemarahan, tadi selepas berbuka aku bengang kerana Karipap yang aku makan tadi haram tak sedap. Rasanya teramat tawar, juga begitu ke tahap nak mampos. Mungkin lah sibudak melayu yang menjual karipap tersebut boleh memberi puasa sebagai alasan. Namun bagaimana pula pada bulan-bulan lain, dimana karipap tetap tawar tiap-tiap kali beli dengan dia. Kuih buah melaka pula penuh dengan tepung je. Setakat gula melaka seto’et lebih baik digelarkannya sahaja sebagai kuih buah dada.

Macam pantat. Hari ni aku berbuka kenyang dengan carutan disebabkan penipuan.

Seperti juga bulletin utama yang aku tonton tadi. Penipuannya ketahap nak mampos kali dua. Menontonnya bukan kerana ingin mengetahui berita terkini yang penuh dusta. Aku nak tukar ke filem orang putih tetapi alat kawalan jauh berada begitu jauh dari bilik air dimana aku sedang berada tadi sambil melakukan aktiviti berak.


Monday, September 15, 2008

Think of the children

Again, I had wanted to write a political piece but would reach a halt at almost every sentence.

It was a racial issue to be precise, just like everyone else are doing, instead of mere politics.

There was just something inside that I felt the need to spill it out, badly.

But will I be given the assurance I wont be sharing the same fate as the DAP detainee for trying to get the truth into light? I am after all, not a member of that particular…ehem…pertubuhan partai…

The report I came across last night kinda cajoled me to go with my guts and let it out.

Here’s the thing, when probed by a reporter if the guy who triggered this racial issue up was above the law, Mr Minister cleverly replied saying the culprit has been severely punished by the party.

Dude, 3 beladi long years I tell ya.

That’s awfully harsh. Now this guy cant even play an active role in all the party’s activity, which includes being a part of the up-coming party election.

Ya amponnnn…must be miserable for him. I mean, come on, think of his children, possibly young children. And his beloved wife and aging parents too.

Its gotta be painful for the whole family their bread-winner is no longer the party’s branch head. The children must be crying by now that their dad will not be holding any important party post for 3 long years.

But I’m sure in these trying times, his family members will stick together and appeal to the party’s supreme council to at least think of the children.

A dad without an important role in the party spells misery, not just for his family, but also for his lackeys as a whole.

Oh hey, as it turns out this piece is all about politics after all.

Friday, September 12, 2008


"And when I'm rich,
And meet Bob Hope,
We'll shoot some golf,
And shoot some dope..." - Dead Kennedys

I am so fucking selling out I tell ya.

Desperate times call for drastic measures, so they say. Couldn't agree more. Better late before its way too late.

I wanna be a tool,
Don't need no soul,
Wanna make big money,
Under Nuffnang's payroll...

*my utmost gratitude to a certain HRH princess who insisted of putting some sense in me. A huge thanks!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Rice cooker

When I was supposed to get down to a work-related stuff, instead I spent a huge chunk of the night catching up on videos people sent via email. Some of the clips got me totally engrossed that I completely missed the self-imposed dateline. If it had been the real dateline, I’d be totally dead.

The videos, by the way, are not in any ways porn-related in case some of you might be wondering. Apart from it being morally wrong, the downloading process tonight was utterly slow I aborted the idea of getting myself horny and shit.

So anyways, that’s what I’ve been doing lately; sacrificing my sleep to make (week)ends meet. In this current economic bad state, every little opportunity that comes along is a must-grab.

That’s mainly the reason why I have not been updating LGL as often as I would love to. Not that I’ve ran out of issue to rant and bitch about but earning a living, like everyone else, tops the priority list.

Someone actually jogged my memory the reason I started this blog in the first place; highlighting disability issues ala Anthony the councillor guy. But somehow I digressed along the way, writing on politician’s stupidity instead, which was way of the mark from my initial objective.

I guess I’m just being realistic about it. Taking our woes into account seriously is like a dream come true but would the relevant authority even bother to actually take the trouble to google up on blogs that fights for disability issue, let alone reading them all?

Fat chance.

We have had people like Anthony slugging it out for ages. What more through a channel with a much wider audience. But looking at the existing predicaments we have to deal with, all the grouses highlighted seem to have fallen on deaf ears.

Of course the battle will go on, for as long the passion in him is still burning.

On the other hand I have quite a distance still to go before I could even think of becoming another Anthony. He’s in a class of his own.

The line of periuk nasi I’m into currently however, very much requires me to lend a shout or two.

Like a back-up singer, y’know.

All I need to do is to crank the decibel a few notches up.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Farmer joes

41 MPs flying to Taiwan today and tomorrow

KUALA LUMPUR: A total of 41 MPs who are members of the Barisan Nasional Backbenchers Club (BBC) are expected to leave for Taiwan in batches on Monday and Tuesday.
Deputy BBC chairman Datuk Bung Mokhtar Radin confirmed this on Monday.

So they’re gone.

Gone to a far, far away, agriculturally advanced land called Taiwan with an important mission in hand; exploring and learning the county’s agricultural and industrial technology.

The program is so important the trip has to be now, as in NOW without any further delay.

That urgent.

Our agricultural sector it seems are in dire need of new technology that it had been given priority over 41 constituencies. Ramadan schedules between the MPs and the people who voted them in looks set to take the back seat in the name of…err…farming.

The 41 MPs voluntarily offered themselves. It was a matter of country over constituency. A tough choice to make but precedence prevailed. By hook or by crook, farming woes must be looked into, even if it means travelling to as far as China to seek knowledge.

They’re our country’s heroes. I would like to propose the government to allocate some fund to be used for a grand reception upon their return next week. Lets garland each one of them with the freshest of flower petals available.

In the mean time, lets all look forward to less rasuah baja taik lembu cases in the future.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Stingy Salty Booger

So today I received an sms from the telco that I have been subscribed to since forever, informing me 20 free smses have been credited into my account. And this was some sort of a gift to their faithful customers for sticking around.

My initial reaction was like, whoa…is this for real or what? Free smses man…now I can send 20 free text messages to all my loved ones around the country and this was supposed to make me feel over the moon. Ok then Mr Maxis, here goes; woohoo…

For being their loyal customer all these years and all I got was a WHOPPING 20 free smses.

What a mug.

20 free sms konon. Cehh

If you people scared as shit I might switch to your close competitors, it takes more than just bribing us with pittance to buy our loyalty.

On a different matter but as miserly as the telco nonetheless, we have our government who from their part could have been more generous last week.

All the efforts of requesting and lobbying by various disabled groups prior to the recent budget 2009 simply fell on deaf ears.

Our demands were not met with. The only increment we get was an apologetic RM150 for non-working disabled, and this was after much fought from the community for ages.

They’re jobless, naturally they don’t have any form of income to cover all the bills that may incur. Now how the hell can one survive with such meagre amount every month? Medical fees alone can cost triple the allowance.

A people-friendly Budget I hear? Cehh...Feck that shit mannn…

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Ramadan Al-mubarak

The Holy month’s back.

Wishing all my Muslim Brothers and sisters a meaningful Ramadan.

Have a blessed one, y’all!


One pretty boy started the ball rolling and being a good sport, I thought I’d take the cue too, I mean, hey, why not. Its Sunday.

So here goes…


Fucccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkking fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk…liars can suck monkey's ass and fucking die choking on monkey turd.

Ok I’m done with swearing for the whole month of September at least.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

We 'is' Brothers (And sisters)

They say a picture tells a thousand stories. We’ve got a macha, a typical chinaman, a mamat and hey, even one chindian fella.

The image above has never been tampered nor it was pre-arranged for the camera to be used in some Petronas ad or some shit.

Muhibbah? Perhaps but that particular occasion was the real deal, without making a big fuss of our colour blindness.

For the record, a sole Muslim bloke (me!) who doesn’t drink was exempted from chipping in on the liquor bill. Tolerance prevailed that night.

Realistically we still have a long way to go before we reach the desired peak with pride but it’s happening and you bet, we are moving on the right direction.

Salam Merdeka, fellow citizens!

Friday, August 29, 2008

This entry is about gardening (nothing political)

Okay, lets not fret. Hopefully with such title this entry will be well disguised.

So, in the wake of MaCai-MaCai shutting down Malaysia Today, and might even have a go at other online news portal of similar contents which most definitely includes sopo weblogs, Sopo Bloggers may have to be in their best behaviour or face a similar fate as RPK’s website.

Either you write all the shit that is music to their ears or it could spell the end of your beloved blog.

I, on the other hand, have come up with several steps that could well save LGL from being a victim of the possible crackdown. I don’t quite belong in the ‘sopo’ category but would rather not take any chance that could see this blog being clamped. Not that I’m freaking and peeing in my pants off but no better ways to start things off than to suck up to them.

Here goes.

- Write stuff that is deemed good enough to be labelled as anti-Anwar.

- Only links to former and current amno leaders’ blogs are fit to be on the sidebar.

- Focus my writing on disability issues and praise every move and policy endorsed by Dr Ng Yen Yen.

- Disassociate myself from the likes of Kickdefella and Zorro.

- Set fire to all posters made by Mob1900

- Make fun of Lim Kit Siang’s GQ hair-do.

- To swear (you bet!)

- To put in print every word reported in Buletin Utama

- Say yes to ISA…Samad.

- Blog about floras and faunas

And finally rename my blog and change the header to Lover of Government Leaders.

Awesome shit I tell ya. Hope this’ll do the trick.

Lets just wait and see.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

He's back

Whether he had fucked some dude’s ass or not, the by-election result yesterday proves that people wants him to be in parliament. What he does behind closed door is secondary.

Why I think Anwar’s victory would take Malaysia to a greater height; Umno/BN’s defeat might just trigger some sense of concern in them. On their part, the defeat should serve as a wake-up call to come back to earth and get back to basic of listening and taking into account of people's wish.

Its not about the man, but Anwar’s one major factor our government will start to buck up when it is long overdue.

Nothing personal against the country’s leadership. It’s always been about bread and butter issue. The government can come up with 1001 reasons to jack prices on essential goods up but they must be nuts to believe that people digs it. The damaged has been done. Most of us are left with huge holes in our wallet.

So when DSAI pledged to revive the country’s economy and uplift the poor amongst his other vows, the people must not be blamed for buying all his words. He may or may not be able to fulfil all the promises made but people will still endorse it because as it is now, the current government has made life a misery to average wage-earning Malaysians.

Playing the racial card has also backfired. They underestimated The Malays of Permatang Pauh, which obviously are more matured than the Umno guys thought they were.

Sure some voters are staunch Anwar’s supporters but the fence-sitters indisputably took bread and butter issue into consideration, and hence turned a deaf ear on every word sworn by pretty boy Epol.

The parliament house couldn’t get any interesting than now. The people have spoken and wanted a strong character, which DSAI obviously possessed to give the current government a run for their money. He will certainly crank the volume up on the opposition side. Strong opposition provides better times ahead, for the people.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Revival

This shit has been around for more than a decade now. Not exactly my cuppa as I’ve never liked R&B but I thought I’d make this particular shit an exception. Its some sort of a come back actually, as currently everybody tends to enjoy it. The whole country digs this so I thought it deserves a place in me blog.

Ok fuckers, enjoy listening while I get down to a more serious matter than a by-election; filling up on my empty stomach.


Friday, August 22, 2008

Malaysian Soul

Somebody asked why I'm yet to display the Jalur Gemilang like I always did in previous years.

Being Malaysians that we are, I was not spared from baseless accusations. Wild speculations have been rife and one being that I was about to launch another initiation ala Sheih, but with a dissimilar way of displaying my displeasure towards whatever fuck’s going on in the country.

Then apparently there has been rumours going around via email I was about to abandon Malaysia to seek a greener pasture in Dubai/Doha/Abu Dhabi (trendy destination for young Malay pros with O&G background).

Another version to this rumour has it that I was seeking political asylum in Morocco to stay with the Berbers in Sahara boozing with the not-so-religious Berber guys.

All because I did not display a JG up next to the bedroom window.


The truth is; I can’t find me a mini-flag in all the shops I went to, simple as that. Fucking retailers either had run out of stock or only sell wedding gowns and dresses. Stupid bridal shop.

For the record, I did not share the same sentiment as Sheih and Uncle Zorro on the flag inversion issue (and am sticking to what I stood for) but by no means I am in total disagreement.

Surely what transpired was done after much thought and consideration had been put into, prior to his action that could well land him in deep shit. He went ahead with it, and that speaks volume of what he believed in.

Similarly, those who took the cue from Kickdefella certainly had thought of the consequences too.

At the end of the day, they’re all Malaysians who probably are more patriotic than any politicians could ever wish to be.

Only fools will believe their intention was to ridicule the national flag. Tell me if that was the case and I’ll be the first to find their home address and bomb their letterbox with fresh human faeces.

For this one, I’m right behind evils fighting for a better Malaysia while my behind is against pirates making lives a misery for Malaysians.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Working YB


So I was reading the newspaper and came across this one report on the progress leading to Permatang Pauh’s by-election.

In one of the paragraphs, our TPM was quoted as saying the Rakyat should vote for candidate who works for the people.

And of course I re-read that particular paragraph just to be positively sure.

Elect a YB who will work for the people?

Dude, those guys are in real danger of extinction. Just like the elementals, the sight of this unusual kind is quite rare to a certain extent these days.

Its like, sightings on working YBs can only be viewed via rare, amateur footages. Chances are, most video featuring working YBs caught were hoax. There are in fact, more genuine video footages and still images of living Hogzillas than a working YB.

Lets recap who exactly this bunch of dying breeds are, in case some of us have forgotten why they were referred to as a working YB.

A working YB is someone who makes his round door-to-door as much he possibly could (NOT merely during campaigning seasons) to hear grouses from the same people who voted him in.

A working YB gets down dirty with the people…behind flashing cameras.

A working YB spends his time more at his constituency than minding on useless political issues, unless he's directly involved.

A wanking YB defends developer’s move to rape green lung areas in the name of development.

A working YB fucks Hogzillas.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Majulah Sukan Untuk LGL

Here’s the reason why I haven’t been updating much lately- sports.

Its been raining sports and all I did was taking the best seat available (according to Astro) and enjoyed all the games on display throughout.

DocTA reminded me of men’s 100m event final on Saturday night and glad I managed to catch the whole race that lasted not more than 10 seconds. Had Tyson Gay been in the picture, I don’t think there’d be any difference on the result. Witnessing the eventual winner for the first time sprinting like mad, I think Usain Bolt will dominate the track for years to come.

Then came the heart-breaker. Lee Chong Wei lost quite tamely I must admit, to Lin Dan in what was supposed to be an explosive affair.

Heck, I’m proud of Chong Wei anyway. I’m sure he gave his best. Sadly his best wasn’t good enough to deliver Malaysia our first ever Olympics gold medal.

This makes me wonder; why in the fucking world is the Olympics committee insisted on leaving sports such as squash and bowling out of the games? Aren’t these sports played globally? when fencing- a sport dominated by the eastern Europeans- has been part of the games for years, I don’t see any reason why the aforementioned sports should be left out the next time around (London 1012). From a malaysian point of view, one gold in the bag is a sure bet.

Just a thought.

Anyway, besides the Olympics, English Premier league finally commences after a 3-month hiatus. No better ways to kick-off the brand new season than having the great Arsenal setting the ball rolling, and winning their season opener. But judging by their first-day display, I thought they were simply sucked. Their performance were rusty and obviously some of the strikers left their shooting boots in the dressing room. Certainly a cause for concern for the Gooners. I know its only the first game and shit but I’m just being realistic; its going to be a tough ride ahead if you’re an Arsenal fan.

Oh, then there’s the champions league final. After clinching the prestigious European club trophy,…

I kept away the PS2 and went for lunch because I was starving like hell.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Making your wish to come true

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so the poor dog had none.

WHAT’s as empty as Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard but is full of promises nonetheless? It’s the parliamentary seat left vacant sometime last week.

For politicians and their supporters from both side of the fence, the imminent Permatang Pauh by-election will be some sort of a battle-royale. Pilihanraya Kecil it may be but by no means is it going to be a small affair.

Dubbed as the ‘ultimate’ tussle judging by the political landscaping, digging and dirt that has been flying around since March’s General Election, Permatang Pauh will once again turn into a boxing ring, hosting two coalition representatives slugging it out at each other for that one glorious moment and a season’s pass to the Parliament.

For the folks residing in and around the vicinity however, it’s a windfall. The next time you see a rainbow, my bet is that the trail ends in Permatang Pauh.

Whether apartisan or otherwise, nothing beats in taking this rare opportunity to seek aid, and one can bet his life savings that the request will most definitely be fulfilled.

This is not to advocate the power of suggestion that residents request for a Benz or something ridiculous of that sort; it is but a mere reminder for them to exercise their rights as citizens.
Woes not seriously looked into such as the lack of basic necessities and infrastructure as well as promises made in March but not kept, should be brought to the fore.

From the disabled person’s point of view, this is a bonanza the community must not let slip away. It is a known fact that free fundamental material assistance from the welfare department is hard to come by. With ministers and other political bigwigs almost certain to make their appearances on the streets or even at the front door, they are a ‘captive audience’ to speed up on your impending request.

It is not an every day thing that one gets to be in such a position. A situation where one can directly channel his grouses to those who possess the power of making decisions and changes by a simple order to his or her staff.

It may not be easy to fish for votes but leaders of certain communities are duty bound to assist in the welfare of those in need, whether in their own backyards or otherwise. Taking congnisance of delivering the goods may well do the trick in winning over the voters’ hearts. Ultimately, they might enjoy the catch of the day.

Anything, and I mean anything at all, especially for the benefit of the needy.
By-elections are not easy to come by. In most cases, it happens when an incumbent dies. And odds are we may never see anyone doing a 'Wan Azizah' again.

My point is, carpe diem. Seize this moment of opportunity. Make the best of this rare occasion. If your rightful needs have been neglected, oh, go ahead and milk it; push your luck and your agenda. Whatever.

What matters most it that your due rights are recognised and are taken care of while the political carnival is in town. You might even hit the jackpot.

Every dog has its day, the saying goes, so hopefully someone will stock good old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard this time.


Monday, August 11, 2008

Nothing New

No prize in guessing it right- I’m down with fever yet again.

In fact this is the first time I went online since Friday morning as I have been staying in bed practically through out the weekend.

It was so bad that I lost my voice, lost my appetite, physically weak and I could have even vomited my guts and ribs out if I came across another inverted Jalur Gemilang over the weekend.

Jokes were no fun either. It took one whole day before the punch line finally hits on me…and I’d be like ‘ooooh…so that was it. Now I get it’…and went on laughing out loud alone while watching a Thai love story...the next day.

Now I can feel the pressure coming on to me. I was supposed to study a bill and come out with a piece on it before Wednesday.

Which means I have to cut everything short. Including this entry. Got tons of things to straighten out, particularly this week’s piece. Failing to do so would strengthen some people’s belief that I still have a long way to go before I could make it into the real ass-busting world out there.

I’m sure they meant to say loser.

Whatever. Will be back in a jiffy.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Re-freshening my vow

Here’s the thing. I tried to come up with a serious posting that I have been meaning to touch on but every time I’m down with it, I’ll sure to hit a snag.

Since I’m not a quitter however, I went on and tried again, putting some serious thoughts into writing. After several (twice) failed attempts, I decided to quit.

So anyway, I’m currently in a very romantic mood. A groovy kind of feeling, y'know.

A little incident happened the other day was the sole reason for putting me in such corniness.

(And I swear you will not find any catch at the end of this entry)


Met a dear friend at one of me favourite mamak joints one night and as I had anticipated all along, she wanted a shoulder to cry on. She was in real mess. A complicated love story kind of mess.

Being a good Thelma, I did my utmost best to offer her some words of comfort. It actually worked. To be able to put a smile – albeit temporarily- back on her face, I consider that as shoulders well cushioned.

But who am I kidding, right?

Lets get real. It takes more than just a Thelma-wannabe to get her out of the deepshit.

I may be the greatest quadriplegic ever to set foot on a footrest but this quadriplegic man’s best is simply not good enough.

Any how, that little episode has left quite an impact on me. Sure, it has been quite a shitty ride (on wheelchair) but I’ve come a long way I should feel more thankful for what I have and blessed with nowadays.

A relatively healthy life(style), I own a Mercedes-Benz, a respectable job managing a boyband, influential politician who’s capable to boot and replace our current pee-am and most importantly, I have a girl friend that understand and loves me dearly for the person I am.

A little too corny for someone’s liking but I’m going ahead anyway, re-freshening my pledge to her I made some years back.

Mark my words, sweetheart. I’m staying true to you!

Told ya, no catch but a music video featuring me fav punk rock band, performing a corny tune.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Mardi Gras Up North

Ah yes, the by-election. The next time you see a rainbow, you can bet the trail ends in Permatang Pauh.

It is like striking a jackpot, especially for living voters.

It may be a Pilihanraya Kecil but by no means it’s a small affair. With all the political bigwigs sure to throng in to try fish some votes, the timing couldn’t be more perfect than now to squeeze them to bits

For the disabled community, this chance is a must-grab. Go ahead, ask for a super-light weight, brand new Quickie. Who knows you might even end up with two.

But hey, I’m serious. Disabled persons who are yet to enjoy any form of financial aid shouldn’t find it hard to apply for any. While for those whose application is still pending, just go over to the nearest politician in sight and enlighten them of your problem. They’d be more than happy to cut the bureaucracy crap and speed up the process.

Its not an everyday thing one gets to channel his grouses directly to the powers-that-be. While the carnival is in town, one should at least demand for their rights to be looked into.

Yea and everyone would be thinking, its not as easy as telling them PP folks to do it.

First of all, it’s a mere suggestion. Secondly, nothing to lose but everything to gain and thirdly, them politicians will sure to oblige or someone will defecate on their Kompressor’s windscreen.

So do not fret. Demand!

Now here’s a drive initiated by our friend Anfield Devotee aka Craig Johnston aka Bala Ji to get people to register and in due course eligible to exercise their rights to vote.

I doubt there’ll be any snap election but by-elections at your own yard can be as near as just around the corner.

I mean, MPs and Aduns are humans too. And they too, could be raped in the ass tomorrow and die the day after. You just never know. Life and death is solely God’s business to decide.

It takes only a few minutes just to get you registered anyway, and soon your name will be on the electoral role, and as a living voter for that matter.

For those unregistered, spare a minute or 3 the next time you see a post office. Sign up and be counted.

And of course, if I get the break to stand in as one of the candidates for a parliamentary seat, your vote will count for nothing if it went to my opponent.

To male voters, they better watch their…err…step.

To lady voters meanwhile, vote for me or otherwise I swear I’ll trace your home and steal your white-cotton panties.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Disturbed- Down With The Sickness

Oh hell, so much for wild and wicked weekend; damn bugs are having an orgy in my body system instead. Totally uninvited.

Just when I thought this weekend would be the best opportunity to unleash the party animal in me, the flu virus had to play a party-pooper, hence rule me out from attending an inaugural book club meeting.

The thing is, whenever I’m down with sickness, the last thing I’d do is seeking advice from the doctor. Think about it, this isn’t the first time I’m down with flu. All I ever get was the same set of medication. The same bitter shit.

Or maybe I could do this; since I’ll be going to the hospital anyway later (visiting my dear old grandma), I might as well look out for any ENT specialist walking up and down the alleyway, stop him and ask about my problem. I’m sure he’ll oblige because soon he’ll find out he’s treating a guy called Kerp, the greatest paper columnist there ever was...to be seeking treatment from him.

Then I can imagine he’s gonna say things like…

-Virus is in the air.

-Drink a lot of water.

-Your nostril is not in danger of potential Tenesmus because mucus keeps oozing out.

-Stop smoking because Nik Aziz says so.

-Eat a lot of veggies and starve yourself to die.

Then come back home Mom will be singing the same tune.

-no late night work.

-no cold water for the next few days

-no wild night out

-no loud music.

And I’d be like, no loud music?

Oookay, no point living then.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Tenesmus

What would you do when you’ve ran out of pornographic materials to drool on especially during the wee hours of the morning? As I found out, no better ways to fill your lonely hours than to look the word tenesmus up the wikipedia.

As everyone may have figured the meaning by now, I think when a dude suffers from one, he couldn’t be claiming that he was raped in the ass, could he?

This is nothing political but purely based on logic. My take is, when someone’s anus is screwed, say, by an obvious object, that will naturally opens up the anal canal wider for his turd to ease through. So if he was indeed being fucked in the butthole, he should be able to crap effortlessly. And he might be able to do it even by standing on his feet.

Whatever man. I think its better to leave this matter to the expert because I’m not a doctor, let alone an ass doctor.

Hey, but I think the word Tenesmus sounds pretty rockin’. Cool name for a rock band.

Or a boy band. Something like the Rasmus, only that Rasmus is a crappy rock band.

I think The Tenesmus will thrive better in the pop scene. Just need to gather a bunch of guys with a pretty-boy look, preferably with a six-pack torso, a singing ability as melodious as the Spice Girls and voila, they’ve got themselves a contract.

To make their first million bucks all they need is to corrupt an oldie number and they are well on track to be part of world’s wonders- the one-hit wonder.

So anyway, my current state of mind is totally untenesmus. I have been writing since Monday and all that ever comes out are pure crap...just like our nation's current political situation.

Monday, July 28, 2008

I Love Mondays

Oh man, its only 1220am and I can barely open my eyes. The weariness is still very much felt, clouding my whole body system even after hours of afternoon siesta. Not gonna blame on the age factor, because I am still young and gorgeous but I believe its more like a wake-up call that I should go slow on my weekend’s routine-breaking shindigs.

Suffice to say my past weekends have not been short of activities. Invitations kept pouring in- dinners, reunions, lesbian orgies, bloggers get-togayther- and this round of weekend was no exception.

Time flies by when you’re having a good time but when you had a blast, you wish you could party on as if there’s no tomorrow.

Now that we’re well into the dreading start of the week, all the fun comes to a halt.

Its back to a dull, routine motion. Pressure starts mounting to get your job done and Friday seems like a century away.

Then we begin to moan, grumble and whinge on about everything that deems suck to one’s preference- Just because it’s a bloody Monday.

There in the ward meanwhile, we have someone dearly battling a dreadful Monday that will inevitably harm her body in some ways or another and here we moan for the workload which will in due course produces an income.

I mean, doesn’t sound right, does it?

It was only a couple of years ago when I gave a pal -with a respectable career, a salary comparable to a corrupted minister- some good piece of mind. He can go ahead and lust for all the good shit the world can offer but not swapping places with a quad like me so he could sleep through out the day and night.

No man, you wouldn't want that. A single ‘Amin’ to that and God could very well grant his wish and crippled his limbs at one stroke. And trust me, its not a pretty thing to be yearning for.

Now however, I’m guilty of that and a good reminder should snap me off from ultimately swallowing on my own words. Actually I’m culpable of everything under the sun, so its not a real surprise that I’m guilty of bitching mad at poor old Mondays.

Ungrateful bastards most of us are.

Thursday, July 24, 2008


Hey, I’ve got my notebook back. Nothing to shout about really as it’s still the same crappy old laptop, only minus the Trojans and shits like that, which of course is a good thing.

I shouldn’t be complaining, you know. I take some consolation that comes out of this whole virus-attack episode- that it was just an old laptop and not a Proton Perdana, or I may have to break my bank account (as well as few dozen others) just to get it repaired.

RM50k to fix a damn car. And we dumb fools are expected to buy this trumped-up story. Come on la datok, its your life-long dream to drive a benzo. Stop faking it and come out clean with your story. You’re nothing but a faker, man. A mother faker.

Ok, back to my virus-free laptop.

I seriously think its about time I change to a new one. But the timing couldn’t be as ghastly as now. Just when the cost of living is soaring high, this fucking thing just had to turn its back against me.

I’ve got some wonderful people reading my blog who came out with suggestions on how I could go about in replacing this old junk for a new one. I truly appreciate their ideas. They offered something substantial, and the fact that we’re mere blog acquaintance really speaks volume of their thoughtfulness.

But, I’ve already got a plan up my sleeveless Pagoda.

The lady-luck may not be smiling at me now but I truly believe there’s always a light at the end of every tunnel. For striking the right chord I managed to get a slot for a meeting with a certain VVIP.

No, its not Kery Jamaluddin. Whoever, Its very much on the card and I have yet to utilize it.

The best part is, the ball is in my court to name her (yes, it’s a she!) the date and time for the meeting- at my convenience! That’s the flip side to it.

Now for the flop side to this whole good shit –

I don’t have the guts to bloody do it. The thought of calling her up simply freaks me like hell my balls shrink up without a trace left in the scrotal bag.

But I know I’m gonna have to do it eventually. I wanted this so much and will make the most of this little precious time she has for me.

What I need is to put on a thick face, be done with all the protocols and get down straight to the point and forward my request for a state-of-the-art notebook.

In the mean time, I’m just hoping the testicles will return to its place and gather my guts in full-force soon before I pick up that damn phone and start dialing.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Raden Galoh

It was her birthday on Monday and when she was supposed to be out dining with her colleagues, letting her hair down celebrating this meaningful occasion, instead she was greeted with an upsetting news- a cancer relapse that has now spread on a few more areas of her body.

Monday couldn’t get more suck than to receive such devastating news as this, especially the victim being dearly to us. In this case, me.

Raden Galoh, or fondly Kak D to yours truly, has been an inspiration to most of us who are either direct or indirectly linked to her blog, as well as her faithful readers.

Right from the beginning when she was first diagnosed back in 2004, she endured the battle heroically. Survived the first ordeal but unfortunately another one awaits.

I know I shouldn’t be fretting. Kak D’s a fighter, and an admirable Srikandi at that. With the immense inner spiritual strength she possesses, I know she’ll pull through.

We are all with you Kak D. our prayers will be with you always!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Change your lifestyle: Dump Proton for Merc


I know I’m on borrowed computer (still) but the temptation of forwarding some piece of my mind regarding the Mercedes fiasco in the east-coast state was just simply overwhelming.

First read it at Kata Tak Nak and Rocky and I thought its gotta be another hearsay until this morning when the MB came out with the statement naturally to defend the state government’s move.

Apparently the move was made after they’ve studied every angle and the most frugal way to pamper the state’s exco and senior official members is to, GET THIS, buy them an E200 Kompressor each, which totalled up to RM3.43m for 14 units.


How in the world will this ‘clever’ idea save any cost?

Oh well, it does make sense, doesn’t it…to the MB at least.

After all you can’t expect the excos to turn down on such move now that they’ve got a Mercedes Kompressor each to show off. Besides, its good enough keep their mouth shut.

The MB cited an example where one fella had to fork out RM50000 just for repair during his 3 years driving a Perdana, and hence the need to switch to Merc.

Shit man, did this guy actually use the Perdana to drive or what?

Here I have family member and a few friends driving a Perdana V6 and trust me, all of them have been using the same vehicle for more than 6 years now and apart from minor repairs the cars are very much in top-notch condition.

Get real mr MB. If Perdana- or any cars for that matter- are well maintained and taken care of, the car can last a life-time.

If the MB thinks local cars are crap, I think the excuses given are even crappier.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Rumour Mongering

Is it true, that Ameno and Past has finally kissed, fondled and ultimately merged?

I received this piece of news from the most reliable source that anyone could ever get their hands on – circulated email

According to the sender - a very respectable and influential man whom I cant quite recall his name - he emphasised that the much talk-about meeting between the two parties had in fact taken place in Thailand and even provided what he claimed as hard-proof.

I am totally buying this story, man. I mean, why not. It looks so genuine and convincing. You judge for yourself and tell me if I’m wrong.


Ok I should just shut the hell up and quit writing for a while.

The latest political development has in a way put me in the spot I feel a little confused of what to make out of all these. Maybe I should just stay away from politics all together and start focussing on my future plans, like getting a federal datukship for example. I’ve got it all planned on print and stored it up in my c-drive.

But first, I need my laptop back.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Dragging week ahead: The bad shit

Ok here’s another shit, alas a bad shit. I am now back on my sister-in-law’s machine. No prize in guessing what happened to that crappy old laptop of mine.

What’s bothering my state of mind the most currently is how the hell am I to earn a living now that the bloody laptop has gone totally round the bend. As I stressed prior to this, the fucking thing has been my rice cooker for quite sometime now. Unfortunately it has gone mad and now my bread & butter is pretty much at stake.

I’ve got tons of shit to do and the fucking virus just had to play its game at the worst time possible.

Unlike many, I’ve been very dependant as far computer repairing goes. Now that it wont be around for quite a while, I may have to seek my in-law’s kindness to at least let me keep this till I finish off with my weekly article. Not that she minds but I believe she has her own shitty work to get them done too.

I’ve gone through deeper shit, this couldn’t be so bad, right? I wish.

This has always been the story of my life so far. Just when I thought everything seems to fall into places, faeces and vomit sure to be thrown in together into the mixing bowl just to wreck and mess the party up.

If there’s any consolation, well, I am still breathing.

Here’s to another crappy crap crap week ahead. Hooray to life!

* Any rich blogger/reader out there care to donate? I'll sell my dignity and dance to the tune of Las Ketchup for your sole enjoyment. Anything man...anything for a laptop!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Good Shit

They were one of the coolest things to ever embrace the youth of the nation back during its peak in circa 92-94. When most teenagers were into post-Justice Metallica, some of us kids found a punk rock band much cooler to dig on, with a local flavour.

Proud to shout out I was one of those kids who would tag along with the band around town performing in underground shows, most notably at Live Centre together with the usual suspects namely The Pilgrims, The Splatters, Subculture, Lovely Ugly Carnivals, Chronic Mass and a few friends from down under; Force Vomit, Stompin’ Ground and Swirling Madness to name a few.

Now they’re back in the news and this time the whole nation turns their head, amid for the wrong reason- the legendary Carburetor Dung.

Hold on, did I say for the wrong reason? You bet. The band (with a new line-up) played a set which was part of a rally organised by the opposition coalition, so naturally bad press from the MSM was something everyone could foresee it coming.

Apart from the incident last week however, I cant recount any other untoward occurrence as far as this band are concerned. Well, not to my knowledge at least.

But I will not budge from what I have always thought of them. Carburetor Dung will as usual go on doing their business at what they’re always best at- rocking the stage.

They may be famous now with their bahasa track Mari Nyanyi Menjilat but they’ll forever be remembered as the band responsible for producing some of the most anthemic punk rock numbers, one of them being the sing-along crowd-favourite Boohoo Clapping Song, featured in their debut Songs For Friends album way back in 1993.

Who cares that if it has never managed to climb up the local chart. The kids dug it, the airwaves can fucking kiss asses full of Dung.

Politics aside, to Joe Kidd and the lads, I tip my hat!

Boo Hoo Clapping Song - Carburator Dung

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Will sell my spine for a new laptop

Strike? What strike? Someone asked me if I had taken the cue from other bloggers to boycott all the political skirmishes clouding our nation lately.

Then why the long hiatus, echoed another friend.

Read my fucking blog la dei.

As it is now I’m still to know when exactly my laptop will be ready. Not that there’s any problem with this one that I’m on now, but its just not the same. Its like when you are so used to cuddling your spouse and suddenly you are fondling a different person against your will.

So anyway, I was at the blog house last week and one of the sponsors, LG, had initiated some sort of a contest where we are required to reveal our darkest secret through our blog and link it back to them. The best kept secret spotted by the organiser will walk away with their latest hand phone product and a night’s spend with the LG Girls or something.

Or was it? It was too noisy I can barely hear what the emcee (Tony) was trying to tell us exactly.

Hey, not that I’m participating but if I did I could be winning the contest hands-down. I’ve got too many secrets by revealing the worst-kept would hand me the grand prize.

Like that night right… while shaking hands with Erra Fazira, my eyes were actually focusing on her boobs. She may notice it but as I said; its only the worst-kept.

And later on, all along the conversation I had with this one sweet lady who came up to me, I couldn’t make out who she was, right up till now!

Ok seriously I thought it’d easy but its not. By telling the whole world your secrets it may in a way, jeopardise your career, relationship and even get you into trouble with the authority.

Here’s a bold truth; I have indeed, committed a crime or ten…


Monday, July 7, 2008

A Quickie

I know what people will exactly say if I told them my computer has been struck by some notorious Trojan virus- that I’m a smut-addict.

There is some truth in it but I swear to God that wasn’t the actual reason how this nasty bug had found its way into my hard-disk. Without elaborating much, there I was innocently doing some work via email trying to make a living when it happened. And I was like, yay, great. There goes my rice cooker (periuk nasi).

Not all is lost yet, hopefully. Not sure how long can I hold on to my sis-in-law’s laptop that I’m currently using and typing on but I’ve got my machine sent to fix the problem. It may take a few days or even longer.

Hopefully everything will be back in place soon. Last week was a complete misery that it has in a way taken today’s blues away.

My apologies to all as I may not be able to go blog-whoring for the next 24 hours at least

Rancangan akan disambung semula selepas masalah teknikal dapat diatasi. Harap maklum.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Seasonal Grandmother's Story

Bloody hell this has gone way too far. I REALLY HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THESE HIDEOUS LIES.

The current fiasco is way too bitter to chew on. Why the hell everyone should believe in hearsay is a real puzzle. And now people tend to believe that a ridiculous amount of cash were involved as part of whatever fuck the deals are going on currently.

Supporters from both sides of the fence cant be fooled by all the talks any longer…


My advice to those irresponsible bastards is to stop all these bullshit and totally lay off of him.



In the mean time, Barca and Milan can kiss a certain frenchman's derriere!


Thursday, July 3, 2008


Internet users subscribed to streamyx in my area have been having trouble surfing the net for more than a couple of days now. I thought it would be fully recovered by today but no, loading a page earlier this evening took longer than my usual dumping session.

But seriously, nothing can top the misery I had to endure last night. Talking about a bad hair day, or night or whatever hell, it was by far the crappiest in recent months.

The bad internet connection was dreadful enough but that’s fine by me. I can live without surfing the net for a day or two. Besides, what can get worse right?

Wrong. Soon enough I discovered my Astro’s remote control had gone caput. I was so sure it wasn’t the batteries as It was only a few weeks back that I had it replaced. This may not be a big deal to you lot as the channel can still be switched manually but not me la joe, I was already in bed by then.

The worst is still to come- the Astro was last tuned to Playhouse Disney channel! Darn kids…another round of Barney and I’ll go barmy.

Right. So no smut to drool on nor any good programs to watch. And programs on terrestrial tv at best are as good as Bloomberg tv on Astro, only works good for those suffering from insomnia. In the end I decided to call it a day.

With the current political hullabaloo I don’t think I have missed much anyway. Some news (literally) blows, (back) entries on one 23yo dude are posted on many blogs and all of a sudden the fuel issue died down. At the end of the day the rakyat are still being screwed, just like that dude’s ass.

In the mean time I could do with a couple more of good, deep slumber. Try this (at home and office) and you’ll feel like weekend comes sooner than it usually does.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Freak Show?

So our country is currently very much in deep political turmoil. Blowing up this, back-door penetration that and whatever fuck else.

Malice and more malice!

Its all about hatred. Every Malaysian politicians have abundance of that permanently clouding their heart. Its becoming part of their flesh and blood.

The latest being a racist-sow from Perak.

Should we really give a shit about what she had uttered when we always claim to be civilized and cultured? Getting into this will only endorse her inane mentality and automatically pull us down at her level. She’s a cunt, so lets just leave her at that.

Now anyway, no doubt I’ll be part of the audience, waiting in full anticipation how interestingly all the dramas will unfold. The excitement that engages our attention when the plot thickens. Laughs at one’s silliness, shed tears for someone’s misfortune. The shows will be without any affirmative ending.

These are all political games. One’s gain at the expense of one’s downfall. That’s politics for you.

That leaves us in the same puddle of mud we’re shoved into, living our lives making ends meet just to keep putting food on the table and fill up our car tanks. The only difference is, this shit aint no stage show. Pinch yourself hard and you’ll feel the pain…its fucking real, man.

Friday, June 27, 2008


Hey, I was just thinking right…now that the federal government are focusing their attention heavily on Sabah, maybe this is the best opportunity for the disabled community there to come out and demand for their rights to be seriously looked into. With all the fracas currently surrounding the state, the timing couldn’t be more perfect than now. Just stick it in and push your luck, baaa…

Unless of course an MP/adun dies. But wishing for a by-election wouldn’t be so nice would it, its as good as praying for someone to fook off and die. Or whatever.

So anyway, it feels like eons ago since the last time we enjoyed a weekend. Now that I’ve got all the job done, I don’t see any reason to wait till everyone clocks out of their dreary cubicles before starting mine. Nope, no time for that man…kihkih…

So long, losers!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Free Goodies

Since I had all the time in the world last night, I thought its high time to catch up on some latest movies. No I did not go to any cinemas near-by. I mean, in order to change our lifestyle, it is not a good idea to watch movies in cinema when one can actually catch 2 films via DVD at a much cheaper price.

In a way what they are trying to tell us is to be frugal and support the pirates!

But I had something better up my sleeve. Instead of parting ways with a few bucks I earned, I decided to steal.

Yea you heard me right. I was at a friend’s house the other day and he had quite an impressive collection. So while he was bragging away how he can get DVD copies at the lowest price, I slipped in a few pieces into my bag without even looking at the title. As long as its free, I couldn’t care any less about the title. After all in these trying times the last thing you need is being choosy.

Then came back and analyzed over what I had looted.

There was The Hulk 2, Fantastic Four, a couple of latest Malay/Indon horror flicks and a copy of Japanese Upskirt compilation. Not bad.

And since there was no footie last night, I braved myself and went ahead to watch one of the two horror films called Congkak, one of strings of Malaysia’s latest horror flicks.

Not about to do a movie review here but I thought the movie wasn’t that bad, literally a movie to shout (and scream) about.

Well, poor those people involved in the making of this movie. No doubt there are those who would prefer to catch this one on a bigger screen with an imposing surround sound system, hence the production people makes some money out of these jackasses. But equally there are people like me who wouldn’t mind leading a more cheapskate way either to borrow/steal or deal with street peddlers that could save a few bucks.

Imagine how much profit they can make if it had not been for the recent essential goods crisis.

Sometimes by decree, its perfectly fine to be selfish.