Monday, July 30, 2007


When I first gave serious thought on setting up a blog to call my own, I visualised it was going to be a no-holds-barred sosio-political thing. And then get it listed in SOPO Sentral. But, since I don’t have what it takes to be a political analyst, I should just stick on something dearer to my heart, the wheelchair. I mean, I may still get some hits from them Mongolian chics, right?

The other day, one of Astro’s channels was showing a script-less Mongolian movie. The impression I get about the said country was the major part of the land is flat and covered with grass. Then I looked it up on Wiki and found this- 'country contains very little arable land as much of its area is covered by arid and unproductive steppes with mountains'‘.

Tough being a crippled on wheelchair I imagine. I should just stop bitching around how inaccessible some buildings here are. But then again, maybe not.

But just look at them. Geographically, quads will find it almost impossible to move around. They don’t even have much grouses to rally about. But even if they do, on the placards and banners would have something written like, 'More Makeshift Ramps To Get Onto our Llamas'. Or, 'Buck Up Telcos. Lower Price For Matches And Blankets. Higher And Better Generated Smoke For Long-distant Signals'.

They travel about on horses so I’m quite sure there has been many cases involving spine-breaking fall occurred.

Oh, and apparently they’re famous for their Khoomii, or ‘throat singing’. Whatever that means. I wonder if they have karaoke lounges there, and everyone will be like, singing their throats out.

Mongolia declared independence in 1911. that’s close to 50 years earlier than us and yet they’re far behind economically. It’s got to be, right? I couldn’t be bothered to scroll down further as it is close to 3am now.

Maybe I could learn more stuff Mongolia from those Police personnel down at the high court.

IF, the building is disabled-friendly that is.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Fateful Feb

I've been frequently asked if I was born a crippled. Hell no. I was just a step away from becoming the biggest silver screen icon living on dope until…


February 1994 when it happened. The same year important people, the likes of Kurt Cobain and Ayrton Senna passed on. But not before a more important person and someone closed to me lost his own life.

I woke up late that morning after a night out galavanting with a couple of guys. I had wanted to spend my holidays while waiting for the SPM results at Granny’s. But as fate would have it, I stayed home.

That day I started it off by having lunch after a brief conversation with my best mate. We were supposed to meet up for a game of snooker or two which we actually did eventually. I was already outside the house gate with my classy BMX bike, when he appeared with his brand new Honda NSR. It was a gift from his dad, bought 5 days earlier.

And so the day took off. I traded my bicycle for the extra helmet he brought and I tagged along on his new bike. We spent a good couple of hours at the arcade when we decided to check out a new place situated mere kilometers away. And that’s when it happened that more or less sealed our life’s journey. For driving recklessly, the lady driver made me a quadraplegic and took my best buddy’s life. She should have been charged under section 302 of the penal code. Total bitch and a murderer.

The timing when it happened was rather tragic. My best mate’s mom was expecting back then and a week after the mishap, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. It wasn’t exactly a replacement they asked for. Imagine how things quickly took a different twist for his family in a space of one week. For 18 long years they had a family consisted of a mom, dad, a son and daughter, then completely changed to parents with two daughters. No more Abang in the house.

I was ICU-ed for one solid week and it wasn’t nice I tell you. I was in extreme pain, weak, traumatised and fearful of what to come next. Having pretty nurses around didn’t help either. The embarrassment of being stripped naked right infront of them wasn’t what I called fun, not when I’m in sorry state anyway. Even my boner shied away. But they were so dedicated and committed in ensuring I was breathing fine, or atleast continue breathing. I was almost dead so I couldn’t care less.

It has been more than 13 years now since that fateful february and for a life-changing experience, I doubt I can ever erase the memory. Sometimes I missed having to be able to walk. Sometimes when I sleep at night, weird dreams would appear where I’d be walking and running and even having dream within dreams that the whole episode was all just a nightmare. That’s when I’d usually wake up and tears would flow and wished I didn’t have to wake up at all.

I spoke to my wheel buddy the other day and he too missed being able to walk again. We would recall the good old days being an abled body person. The good old days when we took freedom for granted. The days when we thought wheelchairs are meant for old folks.

It is sad but we’ve moved on and the consolotion that comes out of it beats even the good old times. We can now afford to look back with a smile as we are already used to life on wheels. And frankly, it’s not that bad afterall.

Go ahead, break your spine and try it.

Dua budak cacat.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Air Ass

Ok, this may be a little late in forwarding my two cents regarding our local budget airliner practicing discrimination towards people with physical disability. But what is there to talk about anymore? Everything has been said and this particular airline company should just start take a closer look at themselves and completely change their corporate tagline all together.

Why change? Well, they should. it's misleading.

They claimed everyone can now fly with them. Yet, they cannot accommodate people who are wheelchair-bound. So in other words, the physically disabled are not included as ‘everyone’. So what are we then? Goats?

Yeah sure its their father’s company and all the shit that they can do whatever they wish. Go ahead but for goodness sake get a new tagline that’s more appropriate and one that does not contradict with their own stupid policy.


MAS, our national carrier, on the other hand, has been a little more sensitive towards the disabled community. Maybe its based on hearsay but most of my buddies had a wonderful experience flying with them. Even my flight attendant friend assured me of that.

My only concern is that we have to switch our chairs into theirs to get to our seat, which may not be convenient since some quads can only sit on their customised wheels. MAS should find ways to improve on this particularly. Surely they want to prove they are hands down the premier airliner for Malaysian masses, that includes being extra sensitive towards the needies

I’ve never experienced flying on planes since I was confined to wheelchair but still, if the need arises, I know which one to board.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007


Someone has been stealing the password for my dial-up tmnet account. Maybe it was my mistake for not terminating 1515 after switching to broadband some years ago. I have my reason for it. Since the early days of internet back in mid 90s I have been using only one email account and that is For sentimental reason, i kept it. And as far as my contacts are concerned, it was the only way they could reach me. Too bad it had to end this way.

To that animal responsible, I may not know you. or maybe I do. But whoever you are, let me tell you this. i have located your IP address. Don’t be surprised to receive a call, not from the police as yet, but me. No way i'm gonna let you off the hook. I just cant wait to pick up the phone and call you names. I already have words that best suits you lined up. Here’s a preview. BABI.

A staggering rm320 worth of dial-up access used in one month. What the hell did you surf on? You bastard, your mom’s a whore.

And here’s to you.

Here's To Them...

Good things come and good things go. Its just got to end eventually, doesn’t it?

I have lost dozens of friends down the years. Well not exactly my loss as they’re not worth being one anyway. But what if your true friends are going off far away and wont be seeing each other for some long period of time? I dread thinking about it.

But it happened. God, I hated it. This is the real deal buddy. Or should I say buddies, a young couple I was very fond with, has left.

Actually not that I’ve known them for decades or anything like that. Infact, only after I moved into my current residence that I got to know them. And its been only 3 years. But 3 years of great quality that when I was first introduced to the husband, we hit off extremely well, as if we were like long lost brothers we never met..

When I was invited to have lunch at their place next block the first time, never crossed my mind I’d be in for a treat. A great deal of several type of delicious meals, desserts, coffee and good conversations. I love kids and their then only son was a joy to me aswell.

That first experience with them was what moved me. I mean, surely they have dozens of other friends to hang out with and things to spend their time on than being with someone on wheelchair. I was too dumb to see they were just great and fun people to be with. I didn’t get the special treatment for being cacat as I thought that was the case initially. I was wrong as always. Its just the nature in them, treating everyone equally and with great respect.

The hubby is one intelligent guy, very wise with his words. He may be one big shot working up the corporate ladder, with an office in one of the cubicals up the tallest twin towers building in the world, but at home, he’s just a family man and a friend to a loser like me. Sometimes, we would just hang out in front of the grocery store downstairs talking nonsense over a few can of sodas and stick after stick of cigarettes. It was nothing to most people but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

He is also a proud hubby of his missus, one gorgeous lady with an attractive personality. she is pretty, alright. The thing is, she loves cooking for me. And the best thing was, since my fingers are semi functional, I didn’t have to worry about going over their place for a meal as she would do everything, one of which includes shreading the chicken meat into bite-size pieces for my convenient. That’s exactly what my mom, girlfriend and maid would do. She fitted in nicely on the missing piece. I had a sister to call my own.

About four months ago or so they were blessed with the cutest baby girl in the world. She adds up their family members to four. Unlike her brother, I didn’t get to hold her as much. Maybe it’s a good thing that now they had left, I wouldnt miss her as much or it would be another heartbreak of a broken heart.

This may sound a little gay but I couldn’t care less. I was in denial when first heard about him receiving a much better offer abroad. I took it as mere talk until it was confirmed. Now this is where the gay part comes in. As the date got nearer and nearer, the thought of losing a good friend again were unbearable and tears would flow on some nights. Not a good friend, but two. And on the eve of their departure date, as we hugged, my tears were there gushing down for the world to see. As much I was happy with the career move, I was equally sad to be far apart from them, if not sadder. And I cried again the following 2-3 nights after they had left.

To you, Nani and Bdee(pictured below with yours truly), and the kids. Wishing you guys all the best there. As sad as to be far apart from each other, lets not make it permanent. You guys are one of the best few things ever happened to me.

Better things in life may be just around the corner meant for each and everyone of us. Yours are definitely in Doha. Perhaps I have my share too…somewhere.

Everybody came into my life and went again. As for me,…and as for me…

Oh well, I can never keep up with the pace. I guess back to where I’m always at, the starting grid.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

New Wheels...Woohoo.

Nope. I’m not talking about a Ducati 999R Xerox nor a Mercedes SLK 200 Kompressor or anything ridiculous of that shit.

Hold your breath. I bring you…The Streamliner. A brand new wheelchair.
Ok so maybe it’s just a stupid wheelchair. Not a big deal to some but for obvious reason, it is to me.

The guy who sold me this one claimed it’s a spanking new design and only a few owns this chair. Sure.

I tried it anyway, sat on it and it fits me fine. Took a test ride and was impressed with its lightness. I always wanted a new set of wheels and when this one came along, after a few adjustments, I decided to purchase it anyway. Actually I’ve made up my mind when I first set my eyes on it. Only the bright yellow was abit of a turn off but I’ll get my buddy to pimp it up a little later.

Unlike the previous one, this new wheel has handles on the backrest. Now my girlfriend can push me without much fuss. No, not that I can’t push myself but she prefers to be behind me whenever we stroll along together in shopping malls. So that made my decision even more kacang putih.

When I was younger-and dumber, My first love was always about fixing wheels, BMX aswell as skateboard’s. Puppy love and books were 5th and 6th or something like that down the order. And I could spend up to hours just staring and admiring my Haro Master bicycle. Never thought that, more than a decade later, I’d be doing something similar, only this time, on wheelchairs.

Friday, July 6, 2007


Down, badly bruised and battered. Could something get any worse than death? Surely. It’s when you learn you’ll never be able to walk and kick some balls, asses and some jerks again. Now surely that’s the worst possible that could ever happen to someone right? Wrong.

Dead wrong. Just when I thought I’ve moved on and anticipating a post-hell life, it happened again and this time it hits me right where it matters. The heart. Not by a crappy toyota but a fellow human. And this one hurts even more.

You see, my girlfriend owns a personal blog, which she prefers to keep it private. personally I find it quite an interesting reading since most of the entries are about our relationship and how tough life has been for an abled-body woman like her to love a crip in wheelchair. The thing is, its not that hard for both of us, but apparently it looks harder for jerks who dont seem to understand or just plain ignorant. And they have no better things to do like sniffing cow dung or something than being a nosey parker.

In her weblog, she had this chat-box tag where one can just say afew words of encouragement, or so we hoped. Again how dead wrong we were. Some good-for-nothing weirdos appeared out of shitholes and has been leaving so-called messages of advice since, hoping my girlfriend would ditch me for reasons being that,..

- Her parents are against me for being crippled.
- She deserve a better guy than stuck with a quad her entire life.
- I’m not capable of providing her financially as well as sexually
- I’m a retard for being in a wheelchair
- I wouldn’t even look at her if I wasn’t a quadriplegic
- Our family backgrounds are worlds apart
- I’m only making use of her for I’m a crip
- For some weird reason they think my love for her is fake

Those are some of what I can think of at this odd hour. And believe me, there are quite a few more.

Let’s go through it 1-by-1 from the top. Yes, perhaps there are some truths on this one. No parents in the right frame of mind would want their kids to live through hardship and in this case, to see their filial daughter marrying a crip after decades grooming her. But seriously, I cant turn things around although I wish I could. But she’s psycho over me and I’m crazy for her. By all means, feel free to take a closer look at me as a person, minus the wheelchair.

Yea admittedly there are millions of better guys than me. And again I have to agree with this one that she deserve not just a better guy but every gems under the sky for being sweet as a chocolate-swirl-in-a-sugarcone she is. I may not be a pilot or a doctor who earns some ridiculous amount of money monthly, nor am I a tampon salesman. What I really want to know from these jerks is, what makes a pilot or a doctor any better than me? Financial reason my ass. Do u even know how much I earn every month? Most probably much more than you freaks. Bottom line is she loves me and NOT millions of other better guys.

Coming to the third one, again what makes you dicks so sure I would be too useless to bring food home to feed her hungry stomach? Read this. I can do twice better. I’d cook for her or simply dine out. ON ME. On where I get the money, refer to the paragraph above.

And they’ve just got to know if a crip can actually have sex, don’t they? Ok you perverted poof, wank to this. The answer is a definite YES. I advise you narrow-minded shitheads to read more than just gossips in malay entertainment mags. Here’s a fact. Quadriplegics’ fingers are semi-functional where else not the case for paraplegics BUT we, the former, CAN get a boner where else the latter CANNOT. That’s mostly been the case. Now why should I bother explaining to these morons anyway, as I don’t think they know the difference between quads and paras in the first place. And come to think of it I doubt they’ve even heard of these words.

Afterall, I’ve been jerking a lot lately.

Moving along swiftly, idiots always have this crazy idea that person with mental disability moving around in wheelchair or to put it simply, guys on wheels are mentally challenged. I, for one, am not a retard. And so are dozens of my wheel buddies. It’s not even a myth. You guys are just plain dumb. So go figure who are the stupid retards here.

Next one. Quadriplegia is not something you can ask God to make you. So must I challenge what’s already written for me by HIM? I tell you this.. She’s the best thing ever happened to me my entire life sticking around on earth and sometimes I’m just glad being a quad for it has led me to know this wonderful God’s creation. I’d rather not walk again than to lose her. No way. Maybe your only motive is to pinch her right under my nose, since you are very determined to see us both separated. Fat chance. Eat my shit.

Then comes the family matter. That mine and hers are socially worlds apart? What are you trying to imply? That I live in Subang Jaya and she in Kuala Selangor? So what are we, not humans for being of the so called 'different social class'? And she should only marry some dude who was born and bred somewhere in, say, Bukit Lancung or kampung Setia in Banting or like that shit? I just don’t get it completely. Who sets such rule? We are both adults. And get this, we are both human. Whats the problem then? If there was any, it is you who probably cant marry a female human, for your family are a bunch of pigs.

Being a quad, It would be a great lie to say I don’t need much attention. Let alone assistance from the loved ones. I deserve to be loved. And so is she. We have talked things over for like a million times about our commitments for each other. She scratches my back and likewise, I scratch hers, both back and front. So anyways, just that you should read this carefully and put it in your empty head, I AM NOT HOPELESS. Guys in wheelchairs arent all hopeless. Get it? It may be a great surprise for dickheads like you to learn how independent some quads are, and most paras are. And to rely solely on other people is just a fantasy you created in your dung-filled mind just to feel great about your shitty self. You are lame.

For what I have explained above, I don’t quite care for what others like you may think how sincere my love for her is. THE BIGGEST QUESTION IS, WHO IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU ARE WITH YOUR SHITTY ADVICE? Infact, I could have just ignored your turd-like comments. All sewer materials. But by writing something like this gives me a reason to call you a pig and to mind your own turf. Kill me if I've ever hurt your mom or sister. But til then, fuck off.

Not quite a post for a maiden entry I imagined to start a blog with. Cant help it. Those hogs made me.