Monday, September 29, 2008

Gone Raya

Takbir bergema di pagi hari,
Indah suasana memecah sepi,
Kepada semua salam aidilfitri,
Ampun maaf ikhlas dari Kerp Ph D.

Kepada rakan2 semua, jika selama ini ada carutan, caci maki juga kata2 kesat yang hanya boleh ditemui didalam majalah porno telah mengguris hati dan menganggu minda anda yang bersih, ampun maaf dipinta ikhlas dari hati si penulis blog ini. Ia berkemunkinan besar tidak disengajakan dan jika ada yang terasa, ianya hanyalah kebetulan semata.

Thanks to all for sticking around, and for having to put up with all my crap through out this past year. My apologies if the reading materials here have not been up to your quality standard but rest assured, more craps coming your way.

Ok, lagi sekali…maaf zahir dan batin. Salam aidilfitri and happy holidays to my non-Muslim friends.
For obvious reason, this blog will take a long break, and will be back once the blog-owner is fully stuffed.

Friday, September 26, 2008

The ward

Maybe I’ve ran out of issue to swear at, or maybe it is just that annual thing when my mind is focussed solely on Syawal which is looming. Whatever it is, I have switched everything off to cherish every bit of the moment till at least the end of next week.

A visit to K9 spinal ward at HKL last night was never part of my plan but nonetheless, no better timing than the holy month of Ramadan to do some charity work by giving my bits back to society.

Ok, not exactly in monetary form because I needed that myself. Our presence was good enough to put some smile on their faces. A crack or two on lame political jokes did the trick for the much-needed icebreaker.

A trip down the ward has always been an eye-opener. Not that I have yet to come to terms with the gloomy ambience of the ward. It was the patient, some of who are friends from the earlier days that kinda moved me.

Going from one bed to another, suddenly you come to realise sitting on wheelchair isn’t about all things shitty.

And it has made me realise that one is never confined on wheelchair because for the very sole purpose, it makes us more mobile. Being bed-ridden however is a totally different circumstance all together. You are stuck. If its mere consolation, you are stuck with buddies who shares your pain.

I’m lucky in many aspects. Gone were the days when taking meals had to be done while lying on the stomach due to my busted ass. Nor the meals had to be finely blended to accommodate my digestive system.

I could go on and on.

That ward is one special place. It has played a very instrumental role in getting me where I am today. I may not be some big shot but as long I can give something back to someone who’s about to go through exactly what I’ve gone through many years ago, I think I deserve a Datukship for that.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

An entry about gardening pt II

So Tun Dr Mahathir’s Chedet has reached a whopping 7 million hits last week. The fact that he only started to blog last May, that number of visitors thronging his website is simply impressive to say the least.

But I think pakdol can top his predecessor’s blogging achievement. If he had a blog, in no time will he get 22 million on his hit-counter…demanding him to resign!


Ok that’s a lame one. I just need a breather before continuing with the shits I’ve been up to since last weekend. And I mean tons of it that I hope to get it all cleared up before the Raya week starts.

Then after that, its RAYA TIMEEEEEEEEE…


Friday, September 19, 2008

Ahmad for senator post

As usual, I had a long pangsai session last night, and while at it cant help but to ponder on our country’s current state of affairs. The political development stinks like hell it made the whole bathroom smells like being in a public cab.

I concur with one beer-bellied buddy that we have been too soaked up on the political skirmishes we missed on stuff that craves for our attention more.

Like in my case; it’s the disability issue.

Much have been said and we’re beginning to sound like scratched CDs.

Some may remember the posting I did sometime back when Datuk Ismail Md Salleh was duly appointed to represent the disabled community in Dewan Negara. The appointment was received with mixed reaction within the community but me forever being an optimist, gave him all the benefits that he’d kick some balls hard while enjoying the parliamentary immunity.

But its been 9 long months. All we hear were more and more grouses. When Mr Senator were supposed to speak on the community’s behalf, it appears that he lacks the fire-power that we had hoped for. The Sepultura we anticipated turns out to be a mere Air Supply.

We’ve got the Persons with Disability Bill 2008 past some 2 months back that needs to straighten out urgently. Because once enforced, it would certainly mean our welfare will finally be seriously looked into.

The by laws in the act are in some ways, capable to protect us from being oppressed by you lot. Its like, you screw with us, we fucking shove up screws and pliers up your ass in return and get protected by the law. Or something like that.

So we need that badly. And we are gravely in need of someone who can handle the bazooka, which the current senator lacks the quality required.

I’m sure Datuk Ismail has tried his darnest best but honestly without sounding too mean, I think its best he made way for a new face to take over the mic.

Can somebody enlighten me if senators can be replaced when the incumbent fails to perform? Or to put it simply, flops?

The next question in everyone’s mind; will the real senator-material please stand up?

No pun intended but I’ll handle that.

Ahmad for senator post 2009!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Aku seorang rasis

Waktu aku tersekat didalam traffic jalanraya tempoh hari, mata aku melilau dikiri dan kanan kereta seperti biasa, manalah tahu ada pemandu perempuan sedang membetul-betulkan colinya. Namun aku kecewa kerana, yang aku dapat lihat kebanyakannya hanyalah lelaki-lelaki cina sedang berbual melalui telefon bimbit masing-masing. Ia membuatkan aku terfikir, mungkin bagus juga zaman sekarang kerana adanya technologi telefon bimbit ni. Sekurang-kurangnya kuranglah mamat2 cina ni mengorek hidung kerana ada telefon telefon bimbit untuk melepaskan kebosanan ketika.

Hari tu, aku berbuka di restoran India. Dah puas cekik aku pun bayar. Terkejut beruk makyeh bila harga ayam masala yang aku dah mamah harganya mahal, begitu ke tahap nak mampos. Servis budak India sorang tu jauh dari memuaskan. Seperti biasa disebabkan takut nak berterus terang, aku maki mamat India tu dengan perkataan paling kesat,iaitu pundek, tapi dalam hati je sebab aku takut. Mereka ramai. Yang sorang tu badan tegap dan berbuncit arak, tangan dan dada berbulu-bulu, seperti kingkong bundy.

Bercerita tentang kemarahan, tadi selepas berbuka aku bengang kerana Karipap yang aku makan tadi haram tak sedap. Rasanya teramat tawar, juga begitu ke tahap nak mampos. Mungkin lah sibudak melayu yang menjual karipap tersebut boleh memberi puasa sebagai alasan. Namun bagaimana pula pada bulan-bulan lain, dimana karipap tetap tawar tiap-tiap kali beli dengan dia. Kuih buah melaka pula penuh dengan tepung je. Setakat gula melaka seto’et lebih baik digelarkannya sahaja sebagai kuih buah dada.

Macam pantat. Hari ni aku berbuka kenyang dengan carutan disebabkan penipuan.

Seperti juga bulletin utama yang aku tonton tadi. Penipuannya ketahap nak mampos kali dua. Menontonnya bukan kerana ingin mengetahui berita terkini yang penuh dusta. Aku nak tukar ke filem orang putih tetapi alat kawalan jauh berada begitu jauh dari bilik air dimana aku sedang berada tadi sambil melakukan aktiviti berak.


Monday, September 15, 2008

Think of the children

Again, I had wanted to write a political piece but would reach a halt at almost every sentence.

It was a racial issue to be precise, just like everyone else are doing, instead of mere politics.

There was just something inside that I felt the need to spill it out, badly.

But will I be given the assurance I wont be sharing the same fate as the DAP detainee for trying to get the truth into light? I am after all, not a member of that particular…ehem…pertubuhan partai…

The report I came across last night kinda cajoled me to go with my guts and let it out.

Here’s the thing, when probed by a reporter if the guy who triggered this racial issue up was above the law, Mr Minister cleverly replied saying the culprit has been severely punished by the party.

Dude, 3 beladi long years I tell ya.

That’s awfully harsh. Now this guy cant even play an active role in all the party’s activity, which includes being a part of the up-coming party election.

Ya amponnnn…must be miserable for him. I mean, come on, think of his children, possibly young children. And his beloved wife and aging parents too.

Its gotta be painful for the whole family their bread-winner is no longer the party’s branch head. The children must be crying by now that their dad will not be holding any important party post for 3 long years.

But I’m sure in these trying times, his family members will stick together and appeal to the party’s supreme council to at least think of the children.

A dad without an important role in the party spells misery, not just for his family, but also for his lackeys as a whole.

Oh hey, as it turns out this piece is all about politics after all.

Friday, September 12, 2008


"And when I'm rich,
And meet Bob Hope,
We'll shoot some golf,
And shoot some dope..." - Dead Kennedys

I am so fucking selling out I tell ya.

Desperate times call for drastic measures, so they say. Couldn't agree more. Better late before its way too late.

I wanna be a tool,
Don't need no soul,
Wanna make big money,
Under Nuffnang's payroll...

*my utmost gratitude to a certain HRH princess who insisted of putting some sense in me. A huge thanks!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Rice cooker

When I was supposed to get down to a work-related stuff, instead I spent a huge chunk of the night catching up on videos people sent via email. Some of the clips got me totally engrossed that I completely missed the self-imposed dateline. If it had been the real dateline, I’d be totally dead.

The videos, by the way, are not in any ways porn-related in case some of you might be wondering. Apart from it being morally wrong, the downloading process tonight was utterly slow I aborted the idea of getting myself horny and shit.

So anyways, that’s what I’ve been doing lately; sacrificing my sleep to make (week)ends meet. In this current economic bad state, every little opportunity that comes along is a must-grab.

That’s mainly the reason why I have not been updating LGL as often as I would love to. Not that I’ve ran out of issue to rant and bitch about but earning a living, like everyone else, tops the priority list.

Someone actually jogged my memory the reason I started this blog in the first place; highlighting disability issues ala Anthony the councillor guy. But somehow I digressed along the way, writing on politician’s stupidity instead, which was way of the mark from my initial objective.

I guess I’m just being realistic about it. Taking our woes into account seriously is like a dream come true but would the relevant authority even bother to actually take the trouble to google up on blogs that fights for disability issue, let alone reading them all?

Fat chance.

We have had people like Anthony slugging it out for ages. What more through a channel with a much wider audience. But looking at the existing predicaments we have to deal with, all the grouses highlighted seem to have fallen on deaf ears.

Of course the battle will go on, for as long the passion in him is still burning.

On the other hand I have quite a distance still to go before I could even think of becoming another Anthony. He’s in a class of his own.

The line of periuk nasi I’m into currently however, very much requires me to lend a shout or two.

Like a back-up singer, y’know.

All I need to do is to crank the decibel a few notches up.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Farmer joes

41 MPs flying to Taiwan today and tomorrow

KUALA LUMPUR: A total of 41 MPs who are members of the Barisan Nasional Backbenchers Club (BBC) are expected to leave for Taiwan in batches on Monday and Tuesday.
Deputy BBC chairman Datuk Bung Mokhtar Radin confirmed this on Monday.

So they’re gone.

Gone to a far, far away, agriculturally advanced land called Taiwan with an important mission in hand; exploring and learning the county’s agricultural and industrial technology.

The program is so important the trip has to be now, as in NOW without any further delay.

That urgent.

Our agricultural sector it seems are in dire need of new technology that it had been given priority over 41 constituencies. Ramadan schedules between the MPs and the people who voted them in looks set to take the back seat in the name of…err…farming.

The 41 MPs voluntarily offered themselves. It was a matter of country over constituency. A tough choice to make but precedence prevailed. By hook or by crook, farming woes must be looked into, even if it means travelling to as far as China to seek knowledge.

They’re our country’s heroes. I would like to propose the government to allocate some fund to be used for a grand reception upon their return next week. Lets garland each one of them with the freshest of flower petals available.

In the mean time, lets all look forward to less rasuah baja taik lembu cases in the future.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Stingy Salty Booger

So today I received an sms from the telco that I have been subscribed to since forever, informing me 20 free smses have been credited into my account. And this was some sort of a gift to their faithful customers for sticking around.

My initial reaction was like, whoa…is this for real or what? Free smses man…now I can send 20 free text messages to all my loved ones around the country and this was supposed to make me feel over the moon. Ok then Mr Maxis, here goes; woohoo…

For being their loyal customer all these years and all I got was a WHOPPING 20 free smses.

What a mug.

20 free sms konon. Cehh

If you people scared as shit I might switch to your close competitors, it takes more than just bribing us with pittance to buy our loyalty.

On a different matter but as miserly as the telco nonetheless, we have our government who from their part could have been more generous last week.

All the efforts of requesting and lobbying by various disabled groups prior to the recent budget 2009 simply fell on deaf ears.

Our demands were not met with. The only increment we get was an apologetic RM150 for non-working disabled, and this was after much fought from the community for ages.

They’re jobless, naturally they don’t have any form of income to cover all the bills that may incur. Now how the hell can one survive with such meagre amount every month? Medical fees alone can cost triple the allowance.

A people-friendly Budget I hear? Cehh...Feck that shit mannn…