Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Awarded Again

Hey I’m back. Ok nothing much to shout about but this means I‘ve regained my strength, which is great. Looking back prior to the week the virus struck, it took everyone in the house down and I thought I was spared since I was the last one ‘standing’. Obviously it wasn’t to be, as I was struck the hardest and got me totally floored. It was so bad watching porn was only half the usual fun.

So anyway I’ve been able to get up since last week but only now I get to sit and write. A lot of shit been happening lately on domestic front and although I feel quite tempted to tell the world what a wanker my only brother has been lately, my conscience is clearly against it. So brother, you’re spared for now.

Lets see now. I’ve been gone for long there should be heck a lot of stuff to write about right? apparently not. I can always touch on all the crap that took place last week; the corrupted ACA, football corruption and of course, the best of the crap…I mean, crop- a YB who gropes.

Buuut…nahh. I’m sure its all been said by friends from the new media. In fact, I think I’ll avoid from writing on any serious stuff for time being and focus on salvaging the fun that’s been missing in my soul; drooling over some of my favorite smut sites.

Oh, and one more thing. While I was gone, one of my blogging sisters, the ever-so-sweet MaryKate generously awarded Let’s Go Land with not one, not three but two blogging awards. It’s a real honour to be the recipient of such wonderful awards. Only that, unlike the Datukship, this award does not give me the right to molest anyone and get away with it. Nonetheless, I’m flattered and will get them pasted on the sidebar of this blogsite.

Ok I better go for now.

The Awards. One's rather girlish but hey, it's the thought that counts.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Rancangan Tergendala Sebentar

Salam sejahtera kepada semua. Bahawasanya dimaklumkan disini saya, yang berpegangkan nama samaran Kerp sedang mengalami demam yang begitu dasyat sekali dan kini sedang mengambil kursus antibiotics selama 3 hari kerana itulah kursus yang paling pendek sekali.

Siaran akan dsambung seperti sedia kala jika apa yang dijanjikan ibu saya benar belaka, bahawa antibiotics akan menyembuhkan demam ini.

Diharapkan disini supaya rakan-rakan bloggers termasuk Muhammad Taib dan Ali Rustam tidak menantikan komen dari saya buat sementara waktu ini sehingga antibiotics melegakan badan saya yang panas bak Bak kut teh ini.

Saya akan kembali menyundal ke blog rakan-rakan semua bila kederat kembali menusuk setiap inci tubuh saya.

Sekian, sehingga bertemu kembali, terima kasih.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

If You Cant Beat 'em, Beat Off.

Ahh…the good Ol’ Sunday. Its that time of the week again when everyone gets to laze around the house wearing nothing and to just chill out, finger-tapping to the vigorous bhangra beat coming from your neighbor’s house above while sniffing the scent of curry from another one next door.

Oh, and I doubt there’s any better ways than to start the day by telling a chief minister to go and suck a pig’s ass. Ok this is not exactly a new issue as everyone has said their piece way before me but still its very relevant to tell him to suck pig’s ass. Because its Sunday.

Its not really about the pig issue, which was a non-issue in the first place. Its more about that guy who has some issue with everything that does not suit his fancy.

Here’s the thing. It is great to see this fella jumping on the blogging bandwagon and started his own. As expected he went on to write about his views on the current local political scene and as everyone may have seen it coming, taking a cheap shot at his political foes is to be anticipated. Nothing wrong there.

Initially, feedbacks were welcomed and all the blabla shit. I think he got the shock of his life to find that 95% of his readers strongly disagreed with his views. I guess being someone who are so used to listen to his own crap, the next best thing to do is to disable the comment box and deprive everyone from giving their two sens worth.

Maybe that’s how some bosses work, I don’t know.

While this fella’s stuck at his old habit like a clogged drain, another blogger who formerly works as a Menteri Besar, in my humblest opinion, has in a way started to re-gain some respects from the people by taking all the shits thrown at his direction like a real gentleman.

Firstly, he accepted the recent defeat graciously. Then, witnessing how the new media played a major role in planning his downfall, he decided to be part of the primates and through his own blogsite, he is now open to any kinds of criticism; be it constructive ones or simply all the abusive words one can find in porno mags. He took it all in his stride. Not enough with that, he was quite calm at taking the swipe from his own party members directly during one of the political forums the other day. I think if God has some plans of re-installing him back into the hot seat, he may, just may be, getting it right this time around.

Maybe he’s learned his lesson and humbled now by the way he addresses all commenter as Rakan-rakan Bloggers. Humbled now that grouses concerning the people can clearly be seen from across the floor.

Just like the bhangra, one doesn’t need to be a fan to dance to its lively drumming beat.

Update; Ken leeee...tulibu diboo douchoo...ken leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...ken lee meju moreee.....kahkahh...stupid Bulgarian.

Friday, April 18, 2008

I'm In The Mood For Love

Here’s a quickie. Woke up this morning and suddenly the sickness all gone. Well, not completely but I felt so up and about. With clear blue sky and all things nice, the mood suddenly turns to love and roses. No, I didn’t turn gay and stuff, I just feel great and this being Friday its just getting better and better…fucking yay!

Have a nice weekend, losers!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Liputan Sukan

Ok back. I realised that my breaks are usually shorter than I take to post new entries. I thought I’d take longer the last time out but since i’m ok now, I should just move on. There’s always the new season to look forward to after all. The only thing that pains me deeply is the fact that its only April and Arsenal are already out of any contention to savor a cup. Yeah, its so Ouch, man…freaking Ouch!

Moving along swiftly then.

Me and some of the wheelchair lads were involved in a sukaneka OKU over the weekend (dis)organised by Majlis Perbandaran Petaling Jaya (MPPJ). Hold on, or was it MBPJ? I thought they have been upgraded to city status or something like that. Ok whatever. Whatever their status is now, they’re still the same old stupid shit.

The event was held over a 3-day period which kicked off on Friday. I was only made known of the sports carnival a week back because for some reason, my name was registered to take part in chess event representing Perwira K9. I mean, those guys must be nuts to have put me in this game. The last time I played competitively was more than a decade ago. But hey, I came out triumphant or I wouldn’t be writing this at all.

Yes, I’m a genius, I know.

Moving along again now.

The organiser- MPPJ/MBPJ. They screwed badly as if they were willingly presented me with something that I can bitch about. Here goes then.

Most games kicked off at least 2 hours later than originally scheduled. Fixtures all mixed up. They lacked the necessary transport to take us from one venue to another. And no disrespect to anyone but the meals provided were worse off than hobos gets to enjoy their daily fix supplied by NGOs.

Even the final event, the prize presentation did not go without a major glitch. All winners had to wait for 3 hours to receive their respective medals. And it was just a freakin’ cheap, plastic medal. Real pundek la.

So anyway, not all things shitty. All Perwira members were handed a certificate and 30 bucks allowance. That’s why I like a lot about this support group. They care.

Thanks to PK9's good people up there, I am now RM180 richer.

Monday, April 14, 2008

My Heart, Speared

Not in the right frame of mind to write. Broken hearted and totally distraught. Gotta take a short break. In the mean time, a musical intermission would be a perfect filler, filling in the temporary emptiness nicely.

Enjoy this lovely piece. It may not be that appropriate to describe how I feel right this very moment but I really like her a lot. Yea so I’m a sissy and all the teeny-bopper poofy shits. Fuck it just give it to me man, give it to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Ignore them twats, Britney, I'm with you. Just take it away and strut your stuff, baby.

Friday, April 11, 2008


Not going to blame on the weather but right this moment I’m feeling a little bit under one. In fact, when I woke up yesterday morning I’ve already felt like something wasn’t right with me, with body aching all over. Since then, still I managed to keep it to myself because If mom knew, I’d be in trouble for she’ll force me on gulping down all the pills available under the sun.

Cant afford to fall sick right now. I mean, first and foremost, its weekend for goodness sake! To be in bed on Saturday would be unthinkable. Its like dining out with your girlfriend while there’s a live game on tele involving Arsenal.

So anyway, yeah, got some shits to do tomorrow which I sense is going to be a long day. Good thing the morning event will take place just a stone’s throw away. That said, even if I purge in my pants I could just wheel home without letting the whole universe know I’ve literally got some shit right under me and would save some great deal of embarrassment in the process.

That reminds me not to bring a lot of cash because crips on wheelchair are as good as sitting ducks for baddies. For some reason assholes have this weird impression of me; A millionaire.

What the hell, man?

Well ok, I can say I’m richer now but not rich, as in Patrick Lim’s kind of rich, rich. I received some payment that I earned from collecting and mailing letters last month so I guess I’m richer, by 150 freakin’ bucks.

Incidentally, I have a dinner appointment tomorrow at The Curve and one of the flea market operators have this one item I’ve been eyeing for months now. I think after the meal, when the bill comes either I put on a straight face or pretend to dig deep into the pouch while hoping others to settle everything before I could even reach for the RM150.

And with the RM150 still with me, I’d get closer to owning the gas-mask. This item is necessary because you never know how it may come in handy one day.

I could put it on to prevent flatus gasses from sneaking directly into my nostril when purging, to hide my sickly facial expression from my mom or simply save myself from putting a straight, cheapskate face.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

No Goner

finally got it done and over with. Going through hell wouldn’t be fun alone so I roped in my trusted cousin and of we went to the nearest bank Pertanian Malaysia, or the Agricultural Bank Of Malaysia. If I had gone alone I wouldn’t know where to begin with. Thus, this cousin of mine came in handy albeit his fatness.

Patriot Tani. That’s the type of account I was told to open up.

That officially makes me a farmer now. Not that I’ve planted anything apart from the rambutan seeds I chucked out the bedroom window some weeks back. I believe this bank are more for farmers.

I’m very patriotic at heart too, sooo patriotic that I feel I should terminate my Astro account soon and start tuning in to RTM1 especially during primetime. What is there to watch on Astro nowadays anyway. RTM on the other hand has the likes of Agro-jurnal and Halaman Pertanian programs lined up daily.

I think I’ll do it, maybe as early as Monday and give my life some 3 months of Satellite TV-less trial period.

Heard some rumor they were working out on plans to increase the subscription fee to some ridiculous amount until their ambition were drastically cut short by the minister responsible. Credit should be given when it is due and the said minister deserve a pat on his back. what’s his name again? yeaaa, that one.

Another rumor has it that one of our beloved PM's hardest critics is now having some tough time trying to swallow his own words by making a sudden U-turn. From taking swipes he’s now a licker himself. Apparently a huge sum of money was involved. Cant blame this guy. I’d sell my soul out for a thousand bucks. Available for sale some more. Negotiable. Mari, mari.

Now here’s something that can never be bought. A loyalty that can never be questioned, not for a thousand ringgit nor a million bucks.

Albeit this morning’s disastrous result, I’m sticking by the lads who gave their utmost best. Through thick and thin, good and bad times,…

I’m a Gooner, and a Gooner for life. Some jerks better believe it.

For 2 million pounds though, I am so sold!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Piggy Bank

Monday and shit with all the blues aside, I was so looking forward to get the week started. Only for one reason; To open a bank account and get it done and over with. It has really been acting like a beruk makyeh on my back and if I don’t settle this shit by the end of the week, I might end up in a nuthouse or something.

But fucking hell is awaiting. I’ve said it before and gonna say it again. This one bank sucks. The nearest branch is like a thousand kilometers away and typical of local shop-houses, the premise is wheelchair-unfriendly.

And the best part is, THE JKM, yes, THE JABATAN KEBAJIKAN MASYARAKAT, the government body that handles the local crips just had to choose Bank Pertanian of all the banks available here in Malaysia.

Didn’t it cross their mind this move might in some ways cause some inconvenience especially to those gimps on wheelchair to do their banking business manually?

Haven’t they heard of online banking? Cant they just appoint Maybank instead to ease some of the transaction business between the gomen and the recipients?

I’m a crippled and I sure can do a lot with the working allowance. That oughtta reduce some of my work-related burden. Need those money to get some imported CDs that I’ve been eyeing for millenniums now. Need those money to dine at Chili’s weekly. Gotta ditch cheap brands for some Monte Cristos, no less. Need those money to be seen with the rich bastards who owns a unit or two in Damansara area. Sebut betul-betul guys…Damanserra.

Gotta have the money to buy me a slot of appointment with Tony Fernandez.

So gimme, gimme…fly me to Emirates, The.

Ok seriously.

Some people have this crazy idea that I’m a stinking rich man sitting on his ass all day. That’s only half the truth.

I’m not a politician, obviously I’m not a millionaire.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Not Quite Pimpin'

Even my dear mom had noticed it. I’ve been writing on political stuff in recent times a little too much for my standard. And apparently a bit too much for her liking. Dad and uncles have been turning to me as their main source for some inside infos, ‘breaking news’ and other juicy stories simply because I read the new media.

If that wasn’t enough, my recent outings have been rather political too. Not strictly to a forum, dinner outing, teh tarik session with friends, the discussion were mainly revolve around this very topic. I didn’t realize it until I got some tick-off from her earlier today. Got down to it, did a post-mortem on what she said and agreed I should just tone down a bit.

I assured her the forum I attended that day was only for one reason. She was ok about it. The thing is, I know I need to do more than just a verbal agreement to convince her.

Not that I’ve promised anything but being a filial son I am, it is my duty to ease her mind if not much. Lets say things haven’t been well on the domestic front lately. Adding more bricks on her shoulder would sure to give me hell, here and after.

Time to take my foot off the pedal. Get a cold shower, turn some Simpsons’ DVDs on for some good laughs or simply laze around the house crankin’ up on some block rockin’ beat. And the idea of free-wheelin’ and chillin’ with cripplin’ buddies seems very appealin’, too.

Whatever shit-lah, just need to unwind.

Not about to take a swipe at them politicians but why the feck they are so paranoid really beats me. The word blog would make them cringe they'd shit in the their thousand ringgit pants. I’m a blogger and that scares the hay out of my mom that I might be taken away by some burly-built, masked gorillas, as Cikgu Nazir Khan Vidic Khan nicely put it.

Now I’m lost. Not sure where to go from here.

I think in the mean time I should just surf in one of my favorite porn sites and see where it would lead me from there on, goin’ to where it flowin’.

Maybe I should just take a parting shot anyway while I’m still at it; Fuck the Government. State or federal, siapa makan cabai dialah cibai.

How Malaysian Are We All?

Ooooookayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…moving along now.

Here’s something I came across while doing my regular blog-whoring the other day. Got this from my man Shah’s TalkOnly and thought I’d take back home to the Land and share with those who may be interested to give it a shot on this set of questionnaire.

You are required to answer all the questions given below and see how Malaysian can you be. 21-30 correct answers will supposedly make you a true blue Malaysian I guess. Those with between 11-20 correct answers, as according to Shah, can claim to be the average Malaysian. I am however, not gonna take your Malaysian-ness to task if your correct answers are less than 10 but I would seriously suggest you to quit mingling around too much with your neighbour’s hot Filipino maid.

On my first and only attempt, I only managed a sorry 13 correct answers which falls under “average Malaysian” category. Nothing much to be proud of I must admit.

Some regulars at his blog may have done this but It’d be interesting to see how well others would fair. The set of question goes first (in bold). I’ve provided the correct answer below the questions with my answer in blue. NO CHEATING guys.

(No idea why but question 14 is missing).

So here goes. Again, DO NOT CHEAT or a momok will come to your house and rape your dog.

1. How much is satu kupang?

2. Where's the favourite spot to take wedding pictures in Taiping?

3. In what dialect is Apo Nak Di Kato?

4. Name at least five variations of roti canai.

5. What is the staple food of native Sarawakians.

6. Name a popular Malay ointment made from "cucumber"

7. Name the sauce made from fish or shrimp that the Kelantanese love.

8. What does pi mai pi mai tang tu mean?

9. Which fruit is Ipoh famous for?

10. What is the English name for putu mayam?

11. "Lah" is to Peninsular Malaysians as"..." is to Sabahans.

12. What does ABC stand for?

13. How long is a sari?

15. Name Penang's famous beach.

16. How do you order coffee mixed with tea at a kopi-tiam?.

17. What's on Malaysian TV at 8pm?

18. On one side of our RM1 coin is the bunga raya, what's on the other?.

19. Now what's on our 10 sen coin?

20. What was the name of the KL Commonwealth Games 1998 mascot?

21. When you fill in a form, if you're not Malay, Chinese or Indian, youare...?

22. Who is Malaysia's favourite Kampung Boy?

23. How did the word "gostan" come about?

24. Lobo's Whispers in the Wind is the English version of which famousMalay song?

25. When did Malaysia last win the Thomas Cup?

26. What is the name of our national flag?

27. If you want 4D numbers, who do you consult?

28. What's the name of the Malaysian-made 175cc motorbike?

29. Name our national bird.

30. If the father is a baba, and the mother is a nyonya, then what isthe son?

These were my answers.

1. How much is satu kupang? 10 sen

2. Where's the favourite spot to take wedding pictures in Taiping? By the lake side

3. In what dialect is Apo Nak Di Kato? N Sembilan

4. Name at least five variations of roti canai. telur, sardine, pisang, planta, tisu

5. What is the staple food of native Sarawakians. Slugs

6. Name a popular Malay ointment made from "cucumber"? Gamat

7. Name the sauce made from fish or shrimp that the Kelantanese love. Budu

8. What does pi mai pi mai tang tu mean? Come & Go

9. Which fruit is Ipoh famous for? Limau Barli

10. What is the English name for putu mayam? Indian Pancake

11. "Lah" is to Peninsular Malaysians as"..." is to Sabahans. Baaa

12. What does ABC stand for? Air Batu Campur

13. How long is a sari? 2 meters

15. Name Penang's famous beach. Feringgi

16. How do you order coffee mixed with tea at a kopi-tiam?. Kote

17. What's on Malaysian TV at 8pm? Crap

18. On one side of our RM1 coin is the bunga raya, what's on the other?. Rm1

19. Now what's on our 10 sen coin? Rebana

20. What was the name of the KL Commonwealth Games 1998 mascot? Sanusi Junid

21. When you fill in a form, if you're not Malay, Chinese or Indian, you are...? dan lain2

22. Who is Malaysia's favourite Kampung Boy? Lat

23. How did the word "gostan" come about? Go make a U-turn

24. Lobo's Whispers in the Wind is the English version of which famous Malay song? Menaruh harapan- Zaitun Sameon

25. When did Malaysia last win the Thomas Cup? 1992

26. What is the name of our national flag? JG

27. If you want 4D numbers, who do you consult? the Dead

28. What's the name of the Malaysian-made 175cc motorbike? Kriss

29. Name our national bird. Enggang

30. If the father is a baba, and the mother is a nyonya, then what is the son? Lim kit Siang

And here Are the correct answers.

1. Northern slang for 10 sen
2. Lake Gardens
3. Negri Sembilan, meaning "What's there to say?"
4. Roti bom, roti pisang, roti planta, roti telur, roti sardin, roti> telur bawang
5. Sago
6. Minyak gamat made from sea cucumber, for wounds
7. Budu
8. Northern dialect that means coming and going but ending up at the same spot
9. Pomelo
10. String hoppers
11. Bah
12. Air batu campur
13. Six yards
15. Batu Ferringhi
16. Kopi cham
17. The news
18. Keris
19. Congkak
20. Wira
21. "Other" or Lain-lain
22. Lat
23. A corruption of "go astern"
24. P. Ramlee's Getaran Jiwa
25. 1992
26. Jalur Gemilang
27. "Datuk"
28. Jaguh
29. There's none
30. Baba

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Meeting The Real Deal

I’m totally beat. It was an eventful day for my standard that I only managed to lie on my stomach resting my ass for less than an hour before getting back on my chair for another dinner date.

I can barely open my eyes while writing this piece but I really feel the need to let the world know of my whereabouts today.

To a political forum.

Say what? You heard me right, machas. Attended this one forum organized by some UMNO guys which had Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohamad as one of the speakers. That was the reason I went without much persuasion needed.

It all started the day before. Received a call from Mat Salo and jumped on the first opportunity offered and the next day (1st april), voila, I was there, sitting amongst thousands of UMNO guys in a packed hall.

The sessions went well with one datuk Fuad took the mic. Datuk Mukhriz Mahathir was next and impresses the crowd with his calm approach. Next up was the former Selangor MB Datuk Seri Md Khir Toyo, took the podium and was heard blablabla-ing away. But hey, gotta give this fella some credit for taking it like a man when the audience gave him some tough time with no-holds-barred question after question.

Sorry for you man but couldn’t give much shit on what was discussed.

Only when The Grand Old Man took the mic that I re-switched my brain, sit up straight and got my ears completely glued. Political stuff aside, he got us all in stitches right from the start.

Not really a huge secret that Kerpov guy is Tun’s admirer…lama dahhh

A life-long dream finally realized with only a phone call received.

All the bloggers then proceeded to aunty Maria’s house for the weekly Mee Rebus and oh, whaddaya know, first met the dad earlier in the day, then Marina was there to my excitement. Had a pleasant chat with her and after posing for the lenses, Mat Salo just had to play the party-pooper by dragging me out without requiring much effort.

Since my whole family members are bunch of TDM’s fanatics, what I need to do now is,…to fucking brag about it.

Thanks Mat Salo, Kojak, A Voice and the security guy who gave us one of the best parking spots.

Rantings for the masses; Celebrating Marina's one million hits.