Friday, May 30, 2008

Sweet Memory

Someone asked the other day if I had any favorite tv shows that often got me glued back when I was a kid. That was a tough one to be completely honest.

Incidentally my childhood years fell during the 80s, and I was quite privileged. No other reason for that because this was the era when tv shows were blooming like mad.

Lets see. Bear in mind this was when Astro was the thing of the future but still there were good programs such as McGyver, The A-Team, Opah, Knight Rider, Streethawk, Dynasty and a wholotta bunch of crap more. Apart from Dynasty, I kinda dug all but still they weren’t good enough to get that little Kerpie engrossed and in a state of trance-like fascinated.

So I didn’t bother to answer the question and left.

Then later that day, an ad of children’s junk food came to mind. The one where its trademark intro went something like “Tora kini datang lagi dengan permainan anak patung blow-up untuk menggembirakan kanak-kanak semua, bersama biskut rangup yang disaluti coklat…begitu digemari dan lazat sekali”…

Something like that. The legendary Mat Sentul was the main feature, swindling all the dumb kids every single time new toys was introduced.

That would be it then.

Such chocolate-y sweet childhood memory indeed.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Project Cari-Cari

As everyone would have known by now, I’ve been meaning to put this one up since well, last week.

I had taken the cue from DocTA yet again, that politicians should start pulling their socks and get down to serious business.

The thing is, he has valid reasons to be whining. Every Rakyat has all the rights to feel disgruntled by all the donkey craps going on. The non-stop bickering amongst the politicians from both the coalition he stressed, is getting a bit too stale for all of us, the people to chew on.

I tell you this, it has certainly been going on that I can safely bet on my crippled limbs the squabbling will persist for at least another couple of centuries. Going by the current tempo they are at, I don’t think they’ll ever stop!

Seriously, this isn’t helping. The biggest losers would be us all. As in…you all.

But all is not lost- just yet.

As I was digging deep in the Star’s Online archive looking for the latest news on Britney Spears, I stumbled on this particular news piece that’s worthy of a second look. I began to ask myself how could this one left unnoticed when my daily morning ritual usually starts by reading the newspapers.

Then it dawned on me, instead of starting the day with the typical boring shit, I decided to watch Johnny Knoxville’s The Ringer and in the process completely missed this piece of good news below.

Ministry’s teams to go looking for needy folk

JITRA: In a bid to ensure that no needy person misses out on government aid, the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry will scour the country to look for such people under a project called Projek Cari Cari.

Minister Datuk Dr Ng Yen Yen said a task force would go to the ground to look for these people, especially in rural areas.

“We will have mobile units that will travel to rural areas to look for needy people, get information and provide them with aid,” she told newsmen Sunday after visiting the Taman Sinar Harapan Orphanage here. - The Star

Credits to dr Ng Yen Yen and her ministry or whoever originally mooted out this idea and come up with such project. Maybe its long overdue but finally since the formation of the new federal cabinet, this is the smartest progress to date and should be applauded.

With thousands of needy/OKU yet to register with the welfare department, this is rather a slick move from their part to comb over the whole country in searching of those in real need.

So there we have it. Amid the eternal spats amongst the politicians, there’s at least someone who is smart enough to get down and keep her job well on track.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Back; LGL- Let's Get Laid

Hey I’ve got my blog back. Woohoo.

Since I don’t have any issue to bitch about, I feel I still need to put up something proper to announce my return. The previous short entry was part of trouble-shooting exercise and must totally be ignored.

Looking back, precisely last Tuesday, I had finished writing a new entry and as immediately after I got it published was exactly when it occurred. Numerous reports were made to the Blogspot people but amazingly not a single reply I get from them.

Then, being a thinker I am, it was best that I take the matter into my own hand and did the next best thing I can think of, giving up.

So anyway, when I first decided to jump in on the blogging bandwagon sometime last year, it didn’t cross me to read Blogspot’s T&C until of course, this shit happened. So I thought what the hell and went through it. That’s when it hit on me that there’s a possibility somewhere along the line I could have violated their agreement.

Fine, I’ll admit. And am very much guilty of poking fun at one’s sexual orientation, particularly the gay community which is a definite no-no, according to the terms and condition. I felt I have in fact, been making fun of them queer boys a little too harsh even for my own liking!

Even though that wasn’t the reason why this blog hit the snag, I still feel I owe them an apology and should quit making uncalled-for remarks that can be hurtful to them.

Having said that, I hope the guilt inside will stop eating my heart and guts, subside and eventually die off.

Now I’m glad I don’t need to create a new blog, as suggested by many. That was the first I had in mind but I dread thinking of starting from the scratch, get a new home and turn my back against my beloved Land. I’d prefer to be a squatter than to move into an empty house which would take sometime to adjust and feel like home again.

Will re-post the good-shit PraisiNG Her entry soon as it deserve to be highlighted in the lights of all the bad shit that has been taking place lately. Credits should be given when it is due. Not all parliamentarians are appalling, only most of them.

Thanks everyone. Gotta really really run now.



Fag (as in ciggy, no pun intended)…checked.




kimak pundek lancau

Monday, May 19, 2008

Macam2 Hari Ada Part III

Taking the cue from Cikgu Nazir and Doc Tokasid, I thought I’d add on a few more suggestions of secular holidays that deserve some recognition but may have overlooked by many.

Unknown to Malaysians, I have actually ditched my ambition of becoming the prime minister and decided to go for a grander thing. In fact I have been cracking my head plotting and scheming since yesterday in making sure my plan of toppling whoever fuck’s helming the UN currently will be a great success.

Manifestos however are the least I have in mind because this shit is as good as committing perjury. But I do have some proposals up my sleeve worth taking into account.

After getting feedbacks from my ADCs, apple-polishers and admirers alike, scraping the 3-day weekend off that I’ve been working on seems to be a clever move for now because according to rakyat marhain, life for them would be more meaningful if they could serve me longer in a week. Apparently hand-kissing and ass-licking are part of their OTs, as I found out.

So anyway, after putting on my thinking cap for a long period of time, I’ve come up with new annual days I think the world should at least try to consider giving these days a holiday spot in our yearly calendar.

a. World’s Cross-dressing Day.
b. International Lighter’s Day.
c. Terrorists' Independence Day.
d. International Brothers’ Day

a. This proposed day should not be mistaken with the annual Gay Pride’s Day. Cross-dressing Day is all about appreciating the opposite gender that we know deep down inside, we are all guilty of taking our spouses/family/relatives/friends of the opposite sex for granted at least 450 times before.

Putting on opposite sex’s clothes is how this day should be celebrated, thus the aptly proposed name. This is the main reason why it should be a holiday, to spare oneself from the embarrassment and inevitably being laughed at a great deal.

b. I’d propose this day in remembrance of hundreds of Alladins/Crickets and two Zippo lighters I have either used up till the last drop of gas, misplaced or stolen down the years since I took my first puff. Not sure why this should be a holiday but since neither are anyone, I’ll go ahead with the proposal.

c. Just for one day, we should give these guys a break. Living in a enclosed room with only a video cam in the middle of the desert doesn’t sound like fun to me. They should be given a day off to do groceries or something without the bugging thoughts of them redneck Americans trailing hot on their asses. Those jobless Human Rights activists should really take note of this.

d. Just like the Father/Mother’s Day celebration, Brothers’ Day is one annual day that deserves a spot on the calendar. But unlike the parents’ day, Brother’s Day should rightly be an off-day so that on the eve of BD, we brothers can slug it out without our parents/spouse’s interference. All the dissatisfactions accumulated throughout the year over a piece of land for instance, can be straighten out. Head-butting must be made legal for this occasion hence the need for a holiday the next 24 hours, ample time to treat your battered face and wounded ego.

I’ve got more of them new days sitting pretty at the back of my head waiting to be proposed but this shit is getting ridiculously waaaaay stupid for everyone’s reading. Before I am accused of insulting one’s intelligence, I should get off now. Babye.


In commemorating with The Wesak Day- another holiday- which happens to be today, I strongly disassociate the gibberish written above with this religious occasion, celebrates by our Buddhist and Hindu friends throughout the country.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Not Quite a Loser

The other day, while choosing on interesting titles of erotic literature or literotica for short, meant to be read offline later, a phone call came in and as I had hoped, it was from the Subang JKM office to inform that I can come and collect the monthly allowance the next day.

So yesterday one of the ever reliable Mobiliti vans came to fetch me up and less than 10 minutes I was already at the front door of the office. As expected, being the 15th day of the month and all, the room was packed with people to claim their share of wealth. Being a cool and composed person that I am, I did what typically Malaysians would do; pushing and shoving, and within seconds I was already right in front of the line.

Once inside, sitting patiently amongst the early birds while waiting for my name to be called, it was only natural to look around observing people from all walks of life thronging JKM for all sorts of reasons.

In a packed hall, body odor poking through your nostril is not uncommon but thanks to the old folks, neither was the smell of minyak angin cap kapak, Zam-buk and Tiger Balms combined. To me however, it was the smell of wealth…and power.

Right. So anyway my name was called shortly after and apart from the officer’s fine knockers which was a welcoming change from the usual sight of crips on wheelchair since arrived, I was so pleased to receive the cash and relieved the process didn’t take long. Soon I was already on my way home with a broad evil smile, plotting on regaining my supremacy.

I am now back being a rich Malay. Not quite a billionaire, at least not yet but with this money I can now reclaim the power that I gave up when I was down some days ago.

Hey I’m fine. Its ok because normally Malay folks could see those even at the highest level up because they are sitting pretty on top. But however, when a friend is in deep shit, to them the depth of the stinkhole would more often than not, deeper than the abyss its not possible for the naked eyes to spot. Lumrah.

It's Ok really. What matters is now anyway. I am so rich I can afford 10kgs of rice every fortnightly.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

A Metro Malay

The other day, while I was so engrossed picking my nose away, my nephew came into the room and related to me what a jerk some of his friends are, showing off their badminton racquets and all the stupid shit stupid kids love to brag about. There was this sad look in his eyes that in other words was telling me to get him one or he’ll be left behind amongst his pals. And so naturally being his wealthy uncle who happens to be a Malay, I feel it is part of my responsibility to take care of this matter instead of his parents, because for one reason, he is my beloved nephew. Secondly, I want to be seen as a cool uncle to them. Thirdly, it is an uncle’s duty to spoil his niece/nephew rotten and last and most importantly, I want him to beat the crap out of his boastful poseur friends, both on and off the court.

So over the weekend I went around looking for the best and up-to-date racquet available. Since I’m a rich guy, I thought I’d splash a bit for the kid’s sake and bought him one of those expensive brands endorsed by Lee Chong Wei the national shuttler.

Then I went on and spent a little more on a Belgian-made carpet for my room because I thought earlier right, my wealth would be more meaningful if I became a metrosexual. Suddenly it was about interior d├ęcor and practicality only comes second or third. As it turns out I didn’t last long because according to Pinky, I have to scrub my face nightly in order to become a metro dude.

It was an easy a decision to abandon such silly idea. The scrubbing, the face toning or whatever hay you call it,...and to do it on nightly basis; it takes a mighty effort to even brush my teeth every night to be adding on another such unnecessary chores.

Besides, after all the spending I did, I am officially broke for this month. The worst part is we have yet to reach the middle of the month and I’ve already used all my money up.

I am still a rich unmetrosexual guy by the way you know- by name. Its crucial to keep my status as that because Malays are supposed to be wealthy-bunch. However, I may have to change my lifestyle as suggested by our wonderful and smart leaders and start rationing on our rice intake.

Talking about rationing, I have like 3 days to go before I can spend on an item again as hopefully the JKM people should have by then, banked in my monthly wage.

Now though, I am so beat I can barely open my eyes. Since I have no idea where this entry is leading me to, I should just quit, finish off the cup of hot latte- a preferred choice for trendy Metro Malays- and hit the sack.


Friday, May 9, 2008

Overcoming a Fear

My Pinky hates it whenever I write about politics. My answer to her was, who doesn’t? She then corrected me for I may have heard her wrongly and I said oh ok, as I thought she meant politicians.

The conversation went on and on and I admitted for the past week all the entries has in fact been revolves around politics and a whole bunch of crap it produces. Fine then, to make things a little better for her I told myself for the next post I aint touching about politics…

…starting frooooom…Now.

And so we decided to hop into the car and drive to some place interesting and perhaps I could blog about it, which is what I’m doing now.

In no more than 10 minutes we found ourselves in front of the entrance of an exotic animal exhibition. I swear to God we didn’t expect to come across such exhibition that particular day, but still we were pleased to be doing something different for a change.

Looking at the various types of animals got me totally excited. Since I’m a fan of reptilian creatures, I was in for a treat. Various species of reptiles can be found there; snakes, frogs, lizards, turtles and my personal favorite, the tortoises. Only alligators were missing.

Then there’s all kinds of mammals too; the wallaby, raccoons, foxes, rabbits, sugar gliders, and goats. Yea man, even goats.

But the toast of the day was how I finally found the courage to overcome my greatest fear which has been tormenting my soul for ages now; Getting up close with a dog. Yea dog.

Go ahead, laugh. I’m sure everyone has their own fear anyway. So happen that In my case, it was dogs. And geckos. And snakes. And ghouls. And elementals. And chupacabras. And ostriches. And…you get my point, I’m sure everybody freaks the shit out of at least something.

So anyway this was no ordinary dog. I mean, come on, this was no poodle nor Chihuahua, mind you. Gimme some credits, will ya? This was a gray Timber wolf that I came face to face with. The beast. The real deal wolf, no less.

Initially the situation was rather intense. It was like a scene from Man vs Beast. Mano-e-doggo. I was terrified I almost shit in my pants. But it kind of surprised me how docile and adorable a dog, or a wolf for that matter can be. Never thought I’d say this but now I wish I could own one. Thanks to Cosmetic (the wolf’s name) my fears all these years were unfounded.

Both of us concurred that it was a great outing, an eye-opener kind of outing.

While having our dinner near-by right after, she was mentioning something about proboscis monkey, a type of macaque with a long nose which sadly was not part of the exhibition. Well, good then. I’ve had enough writing about politicians this whole week anyway.

Him, with the cuties.


Damnit, I can't edit the entry I was originally supposed to post. For some weird reason the Edit Posts link is not clickable, and end up with this piece of shit instead. Yo, what the hell is going on, man?

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Bung the Dung

…and then there was this Bung Mokhtar Whateverpoophisnameis.

I don’t mean to sound like a broken record but I came across this video and feel I should get it highlighted, again. Lets all look at him go. Bung deserves a Tan Sriship, or better still make this guy a PM, because he was seen making a laudable statement. Its ok to insult a crippled guy on wheelchair because firstly, he’s a YB and they are protected by some kind of immunity. Secondly, he’s not an opposition man and thirdly, because he’s Bung Mokhtarudin.

Seriously man, I strongly feel it is high time the YBs learn a thing or two about manners and to be more sensitive towards the unfortunate, in this case, the disabled community. Incase the MPs didn't know it as yet, our disability is never by choice. So FYI YBs, it is RUDE to make fun of our shortcomings.

The thing is, if these bunch of booger-eaters were ever questioned and asked to explain further on uttering such remarks, they’ll come out with all kinds of grandmother’s story on how they’ve helped the needy under their constituency and all the saintly shit. I mean, so what? By helping others does it give the authorization and rights to make fun of another disabled person? Let me spell it out for them; F-U-C-K N-O.

If some YBs in the past can be suspended for insulting the Dewan, then I don’t see why these two jerks should get away with it. What’s so great about the Dewan in comparison to a human’s feeling by the way, you tell me.

Again, it’s a typical case of biasness. Just because the crippled guy is on the opposition side of the floor, everybody tends to close an eye. Imagine how the wrath would be if it happens to a BN backbencher; Everybody would suddenly turn totally outraged, including Ah Bengs peddling DVDs and the stoned junkies on the street and behind lonely lanes respectively. The MSM will have a field day, playing up the issue for months and months to come. All the disabled groups would suddenly come out of their Homes and Centers, get on air to have their say in condemning the guy who made the insensitive remarks. Suddenly it becomes a SENSITIVE issue. All these would be a typical reaction if an oppo man was the guilty party.

Sadly, it has happened and he got away with it, because Bung’s on the right side of the floor. Its not difficult to figure out why the other guy, who apparently becomes an independent also got off scot-free and beat the rap; because the subject he ridiculed was a crippled oppo man. Simple.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Babi: A Standing Order

Reading the newspapers nowadays, apart from well-written articles by some columnists, one cant expect to find anything good worth reading but bias reporting and all that crap page after page. But I read on still, and just like every morning, this morning was no exception.

What made today’s reading more interesting however, was something that I seriously think is the stupidest remark that any human can ever make. Read on, especially the last part.

Ibrahim: I have no problem with the disabled

AFTER being heavily criticised for his remarks which offended the disabled community, Pasir Mas MP Datuk Ibrahim Ali has come out to say he had “no problem” with them, even saying that he contributes a lot to help those in his constituency.

The controversial Ibrahim (Independent – Pasir Mas), who irked the Opposition MPs when he teased wheelchair-bound Karpal Singh (DAP – Bukit Gelugor) for “not respecting the House” by not standing up when speaking last Wednesday, faced pressure from disabled groups demanding him to apologise and retract his remarks.

However, Ibrahim said the remarks he made had nothing to do with the “orang kurang upaya” (disabled).

“I never meant to humiliate the OKUs,” he said when approached at the Parliament lobby.

“I only targeted Karpal Singh, who raised trivial matters using the Standing Orders. Karpal Singh should have asked for permission to speak from the chair (without standing up) before he speaks.

“I did not know that he is also an OKU,” he said.

There you go. Not sure how to react on such stupidity. Should I feel sad, angry or simply to just laugh it off and get on with my life?

"I did not know he is also an OKU".

Shit dude, what in the world do you think he’s sitting on? A fucking trolley? Sure, some people may have other reasons for being wheelchair-bound but in Karpal’s case, it was reported in the news everywhere through out the country how he damaged his cervical spine, which commonly would end up on wheelchair.

I mean, didn’t he read? Was this dumbass too busy party-hopping he didn’t even have time to do something clever for once?

Fine, he could have uttered it in jest and if indeed it was meant to be a joke then trust me Pak Brahim, it wasn’t funny at all. A classic lawak bodoh, as in lawak bodoh nak mamposssss.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Death Floor Boy

I was thinking earlier right,…since I wont become a YB till at least another 4 years, maybe I should be doing something with my life in the mean time.

Lets see. This may surprise a lot of people and I swear I’m not trying to boast or anything like that shit, but I believe I can be quite a good listener and an even better adviser. Something like Thelma you know, a reliable shoulder that anyone can rest onto. Since however, I’m not interested in taking a job in a newspaper, I’ll just let Thelma keep her job that she’s only 2nd best at, after me. After all, with this God-given talent I have, I can use it and make it to good use like milking in some million bucks or something.

The most suitable job I have in mind may require me to sell my soul, which I don’t have any qualms in doing just that.Got my soul for free that even selling it for a buck, I will still end up making some profits.

So anyway I was thinking about being part of the fourth floor boys, as one of the PM’s advisors. Obviously he’s not been feeding with good advice that he and the whole country deserved. I’m qualified because I’m still in my 30s.

Hold on, I think I’ll settle for the chief advisor’s post, no less. Yea that. Not that I’m power-crazy mind you, but in order to revamp the whole establishment I need to have the authority to do so. I’m a malay by the way, so it’s ok to be power-crazy.

Right, so the first thing I’ll change once I’m in-charge is to move from the current office to either one floor up or down. They should have consulted Mr Selva of Vasthu Sastra in the first place before deciding on the location of the office. I’m a Malaysian, its ok to be superstitious about this whole ‘sue/sial’ thing. I mean, Death Floor Boys may sound cool for a name of a rock & roll band but when it is associated with the premier man, it sounds more like he’s surrounded by freaking poseurs.

Once we’ve settled on the 8th floor which I’m sure everyone to give their nod because I’m their boss (Ketuanan Melayu), time to really sit and get down to serious business; uniting the Malays. Kahkahhh...

Ok fine, I’ll be serious for once. Since the PM means business when he said about revamping some of the government bodies, i.e the ACA- My advice would be to get rid of their boss. By applauding the PM’s order in cracking down on corruption within the agency itself, they are in a way admitting there has in fact been wrong-doings taken place before and therefore the chief should take full responsibility and vacate the seat. And nobody can do a better job at helming the ACA than the chief advisor of the 8th Floor Boys himself.

…buuutt then again, since this is my story, I can cook it up and say I'm better than the PM himself and fully qualified for the top post. If that happens, rest assured, weekends will be extended to Monday and Malaysia will have an extra weekend day off.

So lets get rid of the Monday blues away, vote for Kerp.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

A YB In Waiting

So the parliament had its first sitting today and for the first time it was broadcasted live for half an hour. I didn’t get to watch but managed to catch some of the sessions in news earlier. Well, it was basically the same old shit, as expected.

Nothing new about their antics but what irks me like hell was that to some of these fuckers, making fun of someone’s disability seems acceptable. The subject that matters is of course the DAP guy and hey, this fella can be a real jerk and even I have to agree with that but poking fun because he’s handicapped is down right appalling. That shows how narrow-minded our YBs are. They’re voted in and paid all kinds of allowances just to insult a fellow parliamentarian. And of course, that chap being on wheelchair makes him an even easier target.

I think I have seen enough of these wankers already, in fact from both sides of the floor. I have now started to look forward and gearing up for PRU13. Regrettably I have like 4 years to wait or so, to put up with all shits happening right there in the parliament house. But these 4 years also mean I have ample time to give a serious thought about running for one of the parliamentary seats.

Reason for wanting to be voted in apart from serving the people and all that typical bullshit; making fun of other Ybs’ ugly pig face.

The speaker may not be amused but hey its ok, I’m a YB.

And once I’ve become a big-shot YB, I can go on a molesting-spree. Its ok, I’m already a well-known YB. And the best part is I’ll have the privilege of handling an all-access pass, any corner of the country you name it; The Mindef, Istana Negara, PM’s office, Cigar Lounges, the Ladies’,…

…I can because get this, I’m a fucking YANG BERHORMAT.